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Helping 8yo with friendships

14 replies

Ijustpopped · 27/12/2022 21:32

DS8 says he has no friends. He's diagnosed ASD, but desperately wants friends. He's a lovely, charming child, but is always overlooked. We have tried playdates that have never been reciprocated. We have done big parties and he has never received an invitation in return. He's been invited to maybe 5 parties since starting school. He can't make friends through sport as he struggles with team games. Not a gamer. Doesn't really follow conversations easily as he's dyslexic and has slow processing. Gets on better with girls than boys but some of what he tells me when he comes home makes me think that the girls aren't treating him especially well (e.g. forcing him to play "prisoner" and not taking turns, and telling him he has to choose his friends each day). I've spoken to school multiple times and they've put him into social skills groups etc. He gets on fine with adults, but other kids just seem to not notice him or walk all over him. I am at a loss as to how to support him. I'd really appreciate some ideas, and please be kind as it really is breaking my heart.

OP posts:
BlandSoup · 27/12/2022 21:35

Can you look outside of school? What’s he into? What about board games club, chess club or something that isn’t real games. Martial arts? Climbing?

formulatingAresponse · 27/12/2022 21:39

Can he move schools or class ?

Ijustpopped · 27/12/2022 21:41

Outside school is very hard because he is so exhausted from the effort of school. He does cubs but the same problems there, lots of kids from same school and they're all running around. Chess he struggles with remembering the moves. We are working on it. He's not keen on martial arts, although I plan to try him again. He did tennis but made no friends through that. He likes climbing, I might try that again. Thank you

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Ijustpopped · 27/12/2022 21:42

Moving school not an option (we.tried the local private schools which won't take him) and the school mixes the classes each year anyway.

OP posts:
Gawdknows · 27/12/2022 21:43

I don't have any suggestions but you sound like such a lovely parent. It's heart breaking to think/see your child struggling. Defo try the climbing if it's something he enjoys.

MuggleMe · 27/12/2022 22:49

I'm in a very similar position with my 8yo dd, asd and dyslexia, tired after school. At the moment I'm focusing on regular playdates even when not reciprocated.

We're in a county with a middle school system and she'll be moving schools in Sept, I'm bricking it as I won't be able to be as involved.

Before Sept I'll be working on scripts and social stories to help with making new friends. Hopefully she'll meet some like-minded people.

EqualFranknessWithYourLadyship · 27/12/2022 22:52

This is for teenagers but I think it’s worth working on from his age - it’s brilliant for parents too
www.amazon.co.uk/Science-Making-Friends-Socially-Challenged/dp/1118127218

spiderlight · 27/12/2022 22:55

My son started fencing at about that age and made some brilliant friends. It's such a supportive sport with a real focus on sportsmanship and respect, and in our experience at least, it tends to attract bright, quirky kids. It's quite niche, so you tend not to get cliques of kids from the same school.

EqualFranknessWithYourLadyship · 27/12/2022 22:55

Can you say more about what he does like/is good at?

the key is to focus there i think, even if initially that means doing it alone or with younger children

Ijustpopped · 27/12/2022 23:11

He's incredible at spatial visualisation, manipulating 3D objects. So things like gravitrax and building models. Loves whales and interested generally in marine biology. Also has designs on being a YouTube star (which I have every intention of thwarting 😆) and loves playing with cameras. Loves cooking and origami. He's genuinely an incredible, fun, interesting kid. It makes me so sad that he isn't seen.

OP posts:
CalmConfident · 27/12/2022 23:15

Can you find an animation club? Or how about junior parkrun - participating (you an any speed!) or volunteering. We have seen some real confidence boosts in our quirky little parkrun community☺️

CalmConfident · 27/12/2022 23:20

Drop an email to your local junior parkrun team - we always work with parents to help if we can :) I aM sure most events are the same

EqualFranknessWithYourLadyship · 27/12/2022 23:45

You see him though and that makes all the difference.

siblings/cousins? Neighbours?

BlandSoup · 28/12/2022 08:34

Our local library has a Lego club on a Saturday morning. Climbing is great coz it’s kid of sociable but also a solo thing. Loads of centres run kids classes.

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