If you're in your late 40s and have a happy, healthy, organised and fulfilling life...how the hell do you do it?!

[AfterEightMintyCedric]

I'm 47...and my forties have thus been a bit of a shit show to put it mildly. Basically everything in my life needs an overhaul...weight, fitness, finances, social life...

I'm single and have 1 child who will hopefully be off to uni in September so it's really important to me to find my groove a bit before they go, for both our sakes.

Have made tenuous, faltering starts in a few areas this year but would love to make some real progress in 2023.

So if you're happy with your day to day life...what makes it great, and what do you do to help yourself?

I'm 50 in a few weeks, started slimming world last month because I looked in the mirror and saw my mother! Not good.

I work in a school so have 6/7 weeks of work then get a week or 2 off. It's stressful but I leave at 4 every day and I don't have to think about work - that helps with my inner happiness.

I don't overthink anything anymore. I deal with the shit life throws at me and then it's done. pay all my bills on time. no partner, 1 adult DC lives in their home and I'm home with a teen. I go to bed by 9:15pm and read and up at 6:30am except weekends when I still go to bed at 9:15pm but I stay in bed until I can be bothered to get up or my teen comes at wakes me up at 10am.

not everyone's cup of tea but it suits me

@DifferentYearSameShit sounds pretty good to me and your name sums up every year since 2016 for me!

I worked in a school until I had to care for my olds during the pandemic. Went back briefly but just couldn't do it. I'm about to go officially self-employed which is terrifying but I'm so much happier!

I did a wellbeing programme early last year which used body analysis scales and I found it much easier to stay on the straight and narrow looking at the wider picture rather than just weight, so I've invested in a set of my own.

Also started HRT.

My organisation and focus are terrible...I strongly suspect I may have ADD but really not sure if there's any point pursuing a diagnosis at this age, particularly as I don't want to take any more medication than I'm already on.

The thing is though. Its very easy for people to come on here (myself included) and say Oh I've got my shit together infact ill go one step further I've had my shit together since I came out of utero. 'My life, kids and husband are beyond perfect. My Darling husband massages,my feet for me every morning and night, and as for the bedroom department well lets just say its good job we live out in the secluded country or the neighbors would be getting no sleep, if you get my meaning. 😉. Oh and BTW I paid cash for my 4 bed room house with a swimming pool of course and convertible Private Registration BMW at 21 and I was a billionaire at 25.' We go on 2 luxurious cruises every year etc ect. Who among us are going to know any different.
However here in the real world back on planet earth life ain't usually like that. Most of us are struggling in some way and just trying to get along.

Throw stuff away you don't like, won't ever wear again, never use.

Go through fridge and food cupboards and only have food in that is what you like but healthy, if you don't have time to cook salads, fruit salads.

Use the time you have to do chores to incorporate gym movements, squats cleaning cupboards, putting away washing. Dance dusting.

Stand on one leg brushing your teeth.

Have 2 or 3 books on the go, one escape trash, one heady novel, one non fiction perhaps.

Try and incorporate walking in daily life, be that a trip to local shops for milk or to drop off a repeat prescription.

Baby steps incorporate small changes gradually that stick don't try to do it all at once.

Forget the thought everyone is together except you.

Sort out old photos.

Don't compare or regret where you are.

In new year look around your local neighbourhood for group activities and events.

Go to an art gallery or museum.

Think about something you have always wanted to know about for fun and find an online course.

Following for inspiration

Every bloody year I say I’m going to get my shite together but haven’t truely yet. Words are too easily said. I’m so adamant this year I will or I am on a slippery slope for having a massive breakdown.

my mental health is my biggest task to get a good firm hold on

my physical health then (weight up and down, always complaining about it, go to PT but miss it with silly excuses a lot)

getting divorce finalised hopefully in January time - this has been such a strain. Once it’s done I hope my life can move forward with my kids and partner - ex is a manipulative twat.

so much more in between. Like a simple structure of going a walk in the evenings is hard.

good luck everyone

@Mrsblobby22 good luck with finalising the divorce..it will be a massive load off.

I was just on the verge of getting my shit together after mine when my elderly dad fell and broke his back in 4 places. Downhill over the following year and the put on end of life care at the start of the pandemic which lasted over a year.

I find it really hard to make myself leave the house a lot of the time...I can do it when I have to or for DDs benefit but otherwise really struggle. I had a week in a lovely cottage on my own this summer and only went out twice the whole time I was there.

So between that and the current work situation (just about breaking even thanks to maintenance and universal credit) getting out and doing stuff is pretty challenging.

Should probably start with something simpler anyway...like getting dressed even when I'm at home for the day 😳

I would not say I am happy with my day to day life - I have awful underlying issues - but that means I have had to work really hard to do things that keep me from going under and, at least some of the time, being happy and feeling good.

So, I keep active. Find active things you enjoy. Its true that physical activity makes you feel good. If it is a social hobby, all the better. I've set myself goals and targets to achieve this year. Betty Rocker's 30 day challenge started me off ( its free). Betty is brilliant - you really feel she is on your side!
I get outdoors as much as I can.
I've joined a campaign group to give me a sense of purpose that my job doesn't. And to meet people.
I have things I am interested in and read about.

Basically, I do stuff. I do stuff I like. And I have set goals this year to give me achievement when I meet them.

Basically everything in my life needs an overhaul...weight, fitness, finances, social life...

Hi, I'm 47. this past year I gave up on all the self-improvement and just went out and had fun. It was great. Really recommend it, did loads of things I hadn't before. Made me way happier than dieting and exercise.

Could you flip it round and start with a list of things that you're grateful for? I always find a gratitude list helps me to see the positives in my life & I can then better plan what else I want to achieve.

Things like considering all the benefits being self employed will bring. You will not be forced to go out daily to a job, but if you feel better in yourself, you might actually choose to go out for pleasure. Or you might be a home bod who enjoys your own company & being at home.
I would then make a plan for the year by dividing the year up into 3 month chunks & I would focus on an area of life that I wanted to change. Eg, 1st 3 months make it about setting some good financial habits. Once you've established these, continue with them but in the new 3 month block, I would focus on the next thing (health) and so on.
I always feel that having goals/plans makes me feel better & gives me the confidence to make more plans, if I can see that I've been successful.

Let us know how you get on @AfterEightMintyCedric .

I fantasise about it especially at the moment as I have been diagnosed with cancer. Get on and do what you need.to as life is unpredictable and we always feel it'll never happen to me...

I think this is it basically. It basically doing stuff you like. I believe that is currently rebranded as ' self care'.

In a very modest sense, I've got my shit together and am happy, so I put my 2 pennith in. I saved really hard and went without stuff to pay off my mortgage ( fortunate to live in cheap area). I earn an average wage, but don't have money stress due to this. I left a job I loved but was making me miserable, now I have a job I love, its nothing fancy but its interesting to me. I work from home, so I have time to cook for myself and DSs and go to gym quite a bit in the evenings, which is great for burning off nervous energy, mental and physical wellbeing obviously. I read quite a bit, not Tolstoy, just whatever I like. I keep in touch with friends and family. This is enough. These are the things that make a difference to your life and happiness. I'm not perfect of course. I drink too much and bite my nails!! Sometimes I can be moody, but mostly it's all ok. I think you're starting point has to be, 'what's important to me?' Not what you, or others, think you should care about, but what really matters to you. Good luck with 2023.

Thanks for the further replies.

@Vaccine001 I'm so sorry you're in such a crappy boat atm and hope the coming year brings you improved health and lots of support.

@trimma that's sounds good to me.

I am actually quite good at not giving a toss what other people think or comparing myself to them, but I know how I'd like my life to look and after a challenging few years would like to be a bit more proactive about achieving that.

@Whatliesbeneath707 I think breaking down into manageable chunks is definitely the way to go for me. Have the house to myself for a bit tomorrow so am going to spend some time really thinking about what I want and making some plans.

This is me - not a gloat - it could have gone badly wrong over the last decade when I lost a parent, had a crippling health condition, a husband with MH issues and a child with SEN.

I have prioritised my health and happiness - so have worked very hard at my health and fitness. Most of the last ten years I have been in lots of pain and had operations etc so ensuring I am healthy weight and active is very important . I fast regularly and get a lot of support from the Board on this site on that. I look after myself - nails/ hair/ baths with a good book.

I am regularly in contact with friends who I adore. I help people who get in difficulties and get a huge amount of pleasure from this.

But critically - I have an extremely senior career which is fulfilling and exciting. I have worked extremely hard to maintain with children and now work 3 very long days where I am entirely focussed on my job and nothing else. It leaves me 2 days to look after my tween girls and be very present at the school gate and for their clubs and interests and special needs for one of my children. My DH picks up the slack on those days despite a senior role although he works across five days.

My DH and I have worked at our relationship. We have found ways to resolve difficulties positively. He supports my career. We love each other dearly but have different interests which we foster outside of the relationship.

I don't have a fancy car or phone but I do have a cleaner twice a week. I prioritise this over lots of other spends.

I'm a really good mother and boss but I also look after me a lot. I see that as important. Loads of my friends have become accessories to their DH's or children's lives. I am a whole person and my interests and happiness really count.

I wish you all the success in the world OP

I'm not 100% there yet but not doing badly.
Doing couch to 5k definitely kick started my fitness and weight loss.
I walk and do yoga too. I look and feel so much better.

I make time to socialise even when I really can't be arsed so have a good group of friends.

Work life balance is still shit (teacher) and my house needs a good clean but I'm happy enough and it's going to get better not worse. Once the DDs finish uni I'll get a cleaner.

Stand on one leg brushing your teeth

I do this, it’s great for balance training. I do it whilst singing a little affirmation to myself I heard on TT, swap legs and repeat.

I’ve lost my excess weight, I’ve given up drinking, now I’m keen to keep as mobile as possible for as long as possible so I don’t end up infirm and in a home.

Tom Morrison mobility training on TT has given me lots of little movements to help keep my flexibility up as I get older. That’s as ‘together’ as I get atm.
I’m anxious, have health issues and financial worries but at least I will be able to get up off the floor if I fall over.

I agree with pp who said do fun first. I came out of my mid forties so burnt out with raising dc while maintaining a job. I literally didn't know what I liked any more. So I just tried new things, with no pressure, tried to think 'what do I want to do' (plus what do I need to do) never what should /ought I do. I gradually recovered, got fitter, had more fun, took my job in a really specific 'me' direction.