Teen DD and phone addiction

[Christmaskiss]

Feel utterly fed up of DD’s phone addiction. 15 feels too old to be taking the damn thing away from her (she’s 16 next week) and I try and do all the right stuff..suggesting other things to do (we’re away at the moment staying with MIL), talking to her about how there’s a time and a place for it and living in the moment but it’s a losing battle.

She reaches for it the minute she’s up, lolls on her bed scrolling throughout the day, barely looks up on car journeys. She spends HOURS each day on TikTok, Snapchat and BeReal. On the way to a restaurant last night (five minute drive), she whipped it out and sat there silently scrolling while the rest of us were chatting in the car. At that point I screeched and she did finally put it away…🙄

DH doesn’t care and says she’s doing well at school and has lots of friends and a good social life (all of which is true) but I hate what phones have done to our children (and us too!)

Does anyone else have an older teen who was like this?! Does it get better? It’s like she’s here but not here. And she’s not much better when we’re at home!!

Mine was like this yes and you are doing all the right things.
What helped was that she had a hibby (dance) which she did a lot so that took her off her phone for long periods.
All you can do is keep talking to her about it and your concerns.
I have dd11 now and have made the boundaries a lot clearer and stricter than I did with dd1 but still can see the pull of the phone.

I have this at the moment, with dd1 (15) and dd2 (13). I absolutely hate the constant need to be on the phone and wasting away their lives on it. They are also doing well at school etc etc but I don't think that is a good enough reason to ok the phone addiction. I've got them to turn off their notifications but it lasts all of 5 mins before they turn them back and are constantly being pinged by their friends also wasting hours on it.

If we watch a movie at home I have started taking their phones off them now, and also at bedtime from 10pm-ish I'll take their phones into my room so they at least sleep reasonably. But I am popping out this morning and they will still be in bed scrolling mindlessly whilst I am away. Absolutely hate it.

DD3 is 10 and due to start high school in Sept so will also be after a phone at that stage. It is so sad as she is lovely and chatty at the moment so I'm so sad for the phone zombies they then become.

I don't know if it sorts itself out as they get older, perhaps it loses its novelty as they become older teens but I can't see it happening at the moment.

I do think we are raising a nation of poorly equipped kids with a totally distorted sense of reality and lining up a real mental health crisis because of it. It needs to be recognised as being dangerous for psychological health as smoking or obesity are for physical health when taken to extremes.

I also hate that it has also become so socially acceptable to see kids glued to screen all day, I definitely look like an overbearing mum when I try to get them off their devices.

And yes, I have accessed MN and posted this from my phone, so I really don't know what the answer is here.

It's hard with older teens. TBH the car thing wouldn't have bothered me - a car journey is not that fun or engaging so I'm ok with mine being plugged into the matrix then.

I do try and talk lots about phone etiquette in the adult world and make sure they know there are lots of situations - out for dinner, at work - where being glued to a screen reflects badly on people. I think phone-free mealtimes and the odd phone-free movie or series is a good starting point.

The thing that bothers me most is the effect on concentration. DC2 has never been a reader (not blaming phones/screens for that BTW) but I was concerned that after having access to YouTube and YouTube shorts her ability to engage with and enjoy a 30-60 minute TV show seemed significantly reduced. I do now try hard to find something linear that will engage her that we can watch a few nights a week. Doesn't have to be Wolf Hall or anything worthy, just something with a bit of structure and character development.