I'm in my mid-40s and have an older sibling (by 6 yrs) who bullied me from a young age and continued well into our 40s. It was emotional bullying, with occasional violence. It seemed to stem from jealousy - whenever I did well (at school, in a relationship, in my career) her bullying would intensify. I lived in fear of her for years. No one in my family really did anything to stop it. It was as though it was my 'lot' to be bullied by her. My accomplishments were diminished and I learned that I had to hide things away so that it didn't trigger her. Over time, this hiding of things and diminishing myself has carried over into other areas of my life and had significant consequences. I don't want to get any more specific in case it is outing, but it has had a massive impact on me across a lifetime.
This was all so normalised by my family that I did not realise that it could be classified as abuse until a few years ago. Everything fits - the living on eggshells/in fear, being attacked for everything I do, triangulation, gaslighting, putting me down, violence, etc. A few years ago I went low contact with her and it seemed to work. However, I can't go NC without losing all of my family, and lately she has become a lot more present in my life again. She has started trying to forge a relationship with me and - whilst not overtly bullying - it is still very unhealthy and draining. I feel like I am going along with it because it is such a relief not being the target of her aggression any more. However, I am not in the least bit convinced that she really wants the best for me and find her very draining to be around.
Does anyone have any experience of this? I am looking for ways to manage it from a practical perspective. I also want to overcome the impact it has had on me. Does anyone have any experience of sibling abuse and overcoming its effects? Are there any strategies that I could use?
Thanks in advance for any help.