Advice on an awkward/upsetting work situation please

[JubileeJ]

Need advice about this hurtful and awkward work situation.

I'm leaving my job and my last shift is the first of January. I start a new one on the 3rd. I'm leaving mainly because of practicalities (hours, work life balance) but also because my manager is being awful and I am just unhappy at work now. I used to love my job too.

My old manager left a few months ago for a secondment role,and the woman who has her role now (whom I worked alongside with before) seems to have taken a dislike to me,treating me worse than other staff, speaking to me harshly, giving me more work than others, accusing me of things I'd not done(or not doing things I had!),not allowing me breaks even when it is quiet and I've had a genuine reason(I rarely take them too) generally just making work unpleasant.

It came to a head yesterday. In the group chat for work(so everyone was able to read it) she told me I'd done something behind her back which i hadn't. I'll go into more detail if required.

I had had enough.

I'm poorly at the moment with whatever bug is going around, I've got other life stresses occurring and it was just the final straw. I told her(in a private message) that she's a large part of why I'm leaving and that I am so unhappy at work now because of how she speaks to me. She responded she'd 'tried to help me the best she could'(I don't know what she means, I've never actually asked her for any help other than once asking could I change my lunch hour, or take a break and both were a no!) And I responded that I am sure she has but once morale has gone down in a work place it doesn't usually come back and I am now dreading shifts at a job I used to love. I also asked her what she meant about the msgs in the group. No answer and this was at the beginning of the shift.

Anyway I've told her I am tempted to take work related stress.

I am also, as I've said genuinely poorly but as I work from home and cannot infect anyone and I've usually got a good work ethic, I'd usually power through. But I just don't want to work with her, she upsets me all the time, I'm nervous as to what she'll do or say next as I don't know what her issue with me is. I don't know if it's a dislike of me personally, or a power trip, or her being stressed by this new role she's in(I know she's struggling) or all of the above but that isn't my fault,
and I've just had enough of it.

I think for my own MH it would be best to have a few days to recover before beginning my new job. I'm so upset about it, I really used to love my job and have no idea what she has against me.

I have three shifts left before my last one on the first of Jan. I don't like the idea of calling in sick but... I also don't know if she's going to call me to discuss or speak to upper management about what I've said. I guess she'll have to. Any advice appreciated on how to handle this as my head is a bit of a mess after months of her making me feel more and more belittled and unappreciated. I work really hard at my job, havenever done anything majorly wrong and nobody else speaks to me like she does.

I'm usually a very professional person and I know I've mishandled this thus far by messaging her.

Again, sorry if this is a bit muddled. I have a banging headache and I'm so tired. I've not gone into too much detail but happy to furnish between the lines if I've missed out any relevancies.

Life's too short so do it.

Give the reason as the bug though not work related stress.

I guarantee she's not going to deal with it as you're leaving. I would say pursue if you weren't off to better things.

Get well soon, congrats on new job and good luck.

Look forwards not back from here on out.

Thank you@Outtasteamandluck .
I think I'd say the same to others in a similar situation. I don't want to use the expression 'my head is up my arse at the moment ' but honestly I feel so muddled due to illness and weeks/months of this situation. I'm hoping my old manager has already given a reference to the new place!

I'm sure she won't raise your complaints. If she did she would have to explain why you said those things.

Agree with above poster, get a medical certificate for a bug or so. You don't have to return there but you want to have good references from them too.

Good luck on your new job.

There are so many horrible bugs around no one will be surprised you’re off.
Can you plan a few little treats for the days before your new job?

It's less than week so OP can self certify.

Yeah, to tell her you were thinking of taking time off for work related stress was a mistake. However, you have 2 options as I see it.

You either plough on working as it’s only for a few more days really and you can do so in the knowledge that you won’t have to put up with her shit much longer. Otherwise you take the rest of the time off sick as they won’t do anything about it now. They’re not going to take it further and you won’t even be their employee after 1st Jan so it won’t matter. They will be annoyed that you’ve dropped them in the shit but it serves them right. I’d do option two personally and I’ve done it myself many years ago.

Definitely a mistake to tell her that. So if you don't go use a F&B bug instead

It’s a shame you said you were thinking of going off with stress. You could have legitimately had some sick leave with your current illness, now it looks like you’re not really ill, just annoyed with your boss.

Just call in sick of course don't overthink it!

Hi @JubileeJ your manager sounds awful and on a power trip.
Just take time off sick before you start your new job.
I've learnt no one really cares at work, i have to put myself first.
Congratulations on your new job!

Thank you all.

She does know I've been ill actually so that might help.

I could legitimately say it was a physical illness, I do have one.

But I also don't want her to get away with this treatment , she's probably going to do it to someone else.

@Remona @Summer2424 both very good points.. I just didn't want her to think she can get away with talking to me like I'm something she scraped off her shoe. .I want her to know I've noticed it and I will not accept it? And work related stress is a legitimate thing of course.

You're both right though, it doesn't really matter in the great scheme of things does it.. I may call the GP and ask for a fit note but I suppose it doesn't really matter.
Thank you for the congratulations too everyone, it is a job I'm looking forward to and it'll probably be good to feel rested and fresh when I start it :)

Is there a HR department? Make a complaint if so.

You don't need to go to the GP, just sign yourself off sick.

If you have evidence of the refusal of breaks etc (are these contracted?), and the unprofessional use of group chats to make work life difficult, I would send them on to HR and her manager, let them know this is the main reason you are leaving, and you will be making a claim for constructive dismissal. Whether you make the claim or not is up to you but it will most likely ensure it doesn't happen to another employee.

OP with the best will in the world, you're due to finish in a week. Just prioritise yourself. Ring in sick, catch up on your sleep, get yourself over these bugs & start again in your new job.

It's not your responsibility to stop her doing it to others & frankly it's unlikely you'll achieve that. If you try you may just have a horrid last week at work.

Look after yourself. I agree winter bug is the better reason for illness. It's just easier for you.

Good luck in your new role x

If you can manage to work for the last few days, you may feel some control or strength from that.

personally, I’d ask by email (not WhatsApp) when your exit interview will be, and who will be taking it. I’d then decide how much of what you’ve described to disclose in the exit interview. Getting it off your chest might help you, also to give you some closure on the situation.

Good luck with your new job.

Just say you're unwell and stay off. Don't specify what the illness is (ie physical or MH).

Good luck with your new role. Well done for finding a new job.

Do you get an exit interview? Those are the opportunity to tell them exactly why she has contributed to your leaving. If you dont get an exit interview and already have your references etc then you couple send a comprehensive email to HR and her supervisor etc detailing her bullying, because that's what it is.

Also leave a review on glass door.

Stay off work, say it's a winter virus then start afresh in your new job and put all this behind you.

You owe her nothing. It sounds like you'd normally do the right thing and be the bigger person. But sometimes, we're pushed to our limits. And this sounds like one of those times.

Take the time off. Have some family time, be refreshed and ready for the new job. I'd not call it work related stress, I'd say bug, because that removes that threat you made, and the negative connotations that go with it, and it's actually true.

And don't give her or the job another thought. Don't over think this, go with your gut. Make the decision and move on.

I’m usually sympathetic to taking sick leave but in this instance I’d power on through if you’re well enough to do so. It’s less than a week max, it avoids her using your “threat” of going off sick against you (which it sounds like she would) and it means you don’t have to declare these sick days if you decide to move jobs again in the next couple of years.

I’m not unsympathetic - I changed jobs earlier this year for broadly similar reasons - and TBH I felt a certain amount of satisfaction in working to the end and not letting my version of your manager push me onto the sick. But obviously you know best how much more you can or can’t take.

Definitely echo the request for an exit interview, ideally with an HR manager if you have one.

Thank you, HR offered me an exit interview about ten days ago and then all finished for Xmas and didn't respond to the reply I sent with my availability!

I doubt I'll get one now.
I might send them another email saying I am happy to have one once they're back.

I'll ring work shortly and just say I have been ill for a while as manager knows and am not coming in.

I'm tempted to say that while it is one thing powering thru when ill it is another thing altogether powering through while being treated like crap, but I won't!

I appreciate the support. It is the right thing.

Thanks again all of you!

Life is too short. Get yourself signed off.

I was in a very similar position a few months ago with a highly stressful, awful job which was making me physically ill.

I asked the same question on here.... had a resounding response of "take the sick leave!!"

That time between jobs really helped me to recover and reset and start my new job in the best possible frame of mind. I'm now in my lovely new job and absolutely loving it.

TAKE THE LEAVE!

Just go off sick.I had to do this with my 5 week notice in the last few days.
Admittedly o never normally take time off but there was sarcasm about me going and I was doing 12 hour days with an injured foot and taking painkillers.
It didn't improve so I had a break from my demanding job before I started my new one.It was still painful but I had a mental and physical break.Dont look back just do it.

Im sorry, I don't understand this respose

I also don’t think you should go back. You are sick, you don’t have to work while ill. She’s making it worse by treating you very poorly.

Although I would love to know how she thinks she has helped you!