I have name changed for this as some of the information could be outing.
I have also posted this in relationships but it’s very quiet over there!
I was in a relationship with my youngest DCs father for 6 years, it was an abusive relationship. There was a lot so I won’t go into all the details but this is the gist:
Gambling and hiding it from me and giving me no reason why we had no money.
He cheated on me when I was first pregnant with our youngest.
Never forced me into sex but would sulk and tell me how unloved he felt if I didn’t want to have sex, once this was when I had tonsillitis.
Smoking weed and doing cocaine and trying to hide it from me.
Accusing me of talking to other men, I never did this and he had no evidence to back up his paranoid claims.
Having nights out/weekends away with his friends but when I had a (Very rare) night out he started phoning and texting me at midnight saying he was having a panic attack and I was selfish for not coming home to be with him.
There was an incident earlier this year where he pulled me out of the car in front of our children. I phoned the police and he moved out and now lives with his parents.
For the last month or so we’ve been sleeping together, which was a horrendous decision on my part, I know that.
Today we had a stupid argument about cleaning up, which escalated to him rolling a spliff, I asked him 3 times to “please not smoke that whilst the children are here” he ignored me and carried on, I told him to leave if he wants to smoke it, he wasn’t physical with me but was very intimidating so I called the police, they came and spoke to him and said as he hadn’t done anything other than have the weed and refuse to leave they wouldn’t arrest him, they did suggest to him that he leaves. He did leave eventually and took the children with him (He was meant to be having them tonight anyway) Since he left he won’t stop phoning and texting me, calling me a “stupid girl” asking me if I’m happy for ripping the family apart, saying that couples deal with issues like this themselves and don’t waste police time.
I feel so, so stupid for letting him back in, I know I’m stupid. He will not accept even 1% of the responsibility, I know trying to get him to see us pointless.
I don’t know where I go from here, I feel so alone, he isolated me from a lot of friends and family, he was all I knew for a long time.
the rational part of me knows I did the right thing but a small part of me is questioning everything, if I did the right thing, if I have destroyed my family.
I just feel so alone.