Is this peri-menopause or am I just a depressed bitchy mum?

[AmazonPrim]

I'm 42. For the past 2 years I've felt completely overwhelmed with life and my children. I'm very snappy and I cannot handle to be around my children and husband a lot of the time. I was also diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago, so I'm finding it hard to decipher what is general ADHD and what is hormonal. I've always suffered with ADHD symptoms, but they are sky high worse the past 2 years. My son is likely ADHD and ASD as well. He does not listen, makes a lot of shrieking and repetitive noises. I find it so overwhelming I end up screaming at them to shut up. The sensory overload sets me into a panic. I've started to wear ear plugs to try and soften the noise. My husband is not supportive and does not understand my struggles and just makes fun of me and rolls his eyes and puts me down for not wanting to spend time with them when I have the ear plugs in. 🙄

Back to the potential peri symptoms:

• My periods are still regular, but are only 2.5 days long for about the past year
• I'm teary ALL the time
• Brain fog
• I am super anxious. I have struggled with anxiety before, but it's much worse now
• I don't care about anything anymore. I'm in a constant state of blah and am so sad
• I'm just generally overwhelmed all the time
• I went through a phase of very heavy night sweats during the summer (but that was in the summer when it was hotter...)
• I get dry and tender down there after sex and it's sore for a coupes days after. This has been going on a year
• Incontinence is setting in. I leak a little if I cough hard, or jump on a trampoline with the children. If I need to pee badly, I need to get to the loo fast or I'll start to leak

• PMS in the week prior to my period is insanely bad and I am not pleasant to be around.
• Some days it feels like my vag and clit are throbbing sore - this usually happens during my period, but it's happening at random sometimes now.

Is my constant low mood due to peri-menopause? And heightened further by my ADHD symptoms?

What can I do? Any advise from others who have experienced similar? I'm at my wits end. I am sat alone in my house so close to tears right now and for no reason

I feel the same and think it’s a mix of both. I am the same age as you and find that I get much more emotional around my period AND ovulation now.

The physical changes haven’t happened for me yet, but if you are having those too then I think it probably is peri-menopausal too. Give yourself a huge break, it’s really hard with everything you have going on especially at Christmas. I came on Christmas Day and bled through a tampon, a sanitary towel, support pants and my tights. It’s relentless.

there is a blood test that can be done to check for sure apparently but I am sure someone will be along with more practical advice x

First of all op, a big hug 🤗 You sound really low and I'm sorry things are so hard right now.

Yes I do think it sounds like peri or other hormonal issues could be at play. I'm basing that on the menstrual changes, night sweats and vaginal discomfort.

The other more emotional/MH issues - hard to say. It doesn't sound like home life is very easy right now and your H doesn't sound very supportive. Are you getting any support with the ADHD diagnosis?

I definitely recommend speaking to your gp re peri symptoms. I hope you get some help 🌸

Thank you both for your replies. I've just burst into tears in my kitchen.

My husband is not really very supportive of my ADHD. All he knows about it is that I was diagnosed (I did this privately and saved up my own money to get the diagnosis), and that I take medication for it (I also pay £150 privately for this). He doesn't know how much it's costing me and has never offered to help with the costs, never asked how it's working or shown any interest whatsoever in learning more about mg struggles. He doesn't agree with medication and refuses to acknowledge that my son likely has it as well and won't allow me to pursue a diagnosis for him even though my son shows all the symptoms and says he wasn't born normal and that there's something wrong with his brain (these are my sons exact words).

I did speak to a nursery at my GP surgery over the phone about the more physical issues and she just told me it sounds a bit like peri has started and she could put me in HRT. I found all the information completely overwhelming. She didn't offer to do a blood test or anything, and at the time of the call (a couple weeks ago) I never thought to put two and two together about the low mood, increased anxiety and rage to peri. I just thought my ADHD was kicking my ass, but now I think it's likely a combination of both.

*speak to a nurse at my GP

Ask for a full set of blood tests, they're normally done for 40+ anyway.

It could be the menopause but so many of your symptoms are what I had, before I was diagnosed with a very underactive thyroid.

Thyroid problems can also cause symptoms very similar to ADHD.

Sounds like peri to me.

I started leaking wee when I ran and have since (via women's health physio, GP and Uro-gynae) been told me hormones have caused me prolapse which is causing the urinary incontinence.

Also never ending sadness and overwhelmed feeling. The other night I sobbed for an hour because I couldn't get my head around my pelvic floor exercises. Then I cried while I was walking the dog because of Xmas.

It's like the period after ovulation when I am normally horrendous, but all month at the moment.

I'd say you are peri. Do you have a sympathetic doctor?

Is your marriage happy? Because your husband sounds spectacularly unsupportive.

The physical stuff can probably be sorted but emotionally if you’re not in a supportive relationship that is very hard going for your mental health.

You don't need a blood test really.

My gynaecologist told me there is no point in the blood tests as they just give you a snapshot of that particular day. The hormone levels will fluctuate over the month until you are over menopause completely.
I have 90% of the symptoms you describe and she prescribed me estrogen gel on that basis (I already have a mirena coil which contains progesterone). It is definitely helping.

I will say though that I agree with PP who suggest that the lack of care/interest/support from your DH will not be helping. Mine is not interested in these issues either although is supportive in other ways. It's hard when you're dealing with it all alone. So big hugs from a fellow sufferer. Go back to the nurse and ask exactly what she would suggest you take.

I felt similar OP and I feel for you, it’s so hard to live your life feeling like this and it seems no one understands. For me, it started around age 38, and I was fobbed off by GP for years until I had a breakdown in the GP consultation room at age 43. I went on HRT and now 8 months later I feel so much better, I’m just angry I was ignored for so long.

Thanks for your reply. Can I ask how king it took you to notice a difference once you went on HRT? And did it make you gain weight? I'm really worried about putting on weight after working so hard to lose it over the years.

No particularly tbh. He's an asshole to me a lot and verbally and emotionally abusive to me and the kids. But they adore him and he is overall a good dad and would drop everything for the children to help them out. He just yells a lot when he gets frustrated.

I know a lot of his frustrations with me stem from my issues with ADHD, so the peri symptoms must make me a bloody nightmare to live with 😕

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I'm sorry that you're feeling like this @AmazonPrim . It must be awful.

Peri menopause can exacerbate ADHD, so it's worth looking into it with a medical professional.

Download the free Balance app & complete the symptom tracker. It can help you & the GP to determine whether it is peri menopause. It is normal for the Dr to do bloods under the age of 45 & it's wise to rule out other things too (thyroid, B12 deficiency etc).
I hope you get some answers & soon feel better.

I’d say I noticed some differences after a month and significant differences around 5 months. Yes I have gained some weight but it’s totally worth it for my sanity and for my family.