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Original poster

Don't want to go over there for dinner.

17 replies

Userno363636363627473 · 26/12/2022 13:52

My mother and her partner have invited us for dinner at the end of the week - we don't see them on Christmas Day, we visited last week but did not eat there and do not very often.

dh is refusing to eat there, I am not keen either.

I grew up there and survived but I am really concerned about her attitude to food hygiene and her cooking in general.

she cannot cook for anything. It's either under cooked or totally burnt or dry. I had jaw surgery a while ago and can't eat anything too chewy, she over cooks meat.

my mothers attitude is she cooks say a roast and everything goes on the plate and if you don't like a certain food you just leave it on the plate but dh and Dc struggle if there's food on the plate they don't like - even if they don't have to eat it, it needs to stay off the plate in the first place.

their food hygiene practice is terrible, my mother often leaves food on the side rather than put it in the fridge and eat it next day.

they have quite a few cats and a dog and the cats and dogs sit on the table and the kitchen sides . I have a dog and not overly fussy but I draw the line at the table and kitchen sides. There is always dog hair on plates and cutlery.

theres always greasy water left for hours in the washing up bowl, I don't know how often they clean their sink. They often have the left overs of dog and cat food all over the kitchen not wiped up.

I am cringing thinking about it. I've managed to avoid it for so long.

I don't host here often. I have a small house, small kitchen and my my mum and stepdad have 4 grown up children at home so you invite them, they have to come too.

somehow I survived this growing up but I did used to vomit snd have bowel issues a lot, makes me wonder! I moved out 12 years ago and only eaten there a handful of times since.

she mentioned it and I said oh I'm not sure, maybe we should visit in the morning and not have the stress of cooking. If she's cooking she won't get to spend much time with dc. Dc are also very particular about the food they eat (both have sensory issues). She said she wants to cook.

how can I get out of it without being an ass?

I am not the best cook in the world but I try and be hygienic about it.

OP posts:
PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 26/12/2022 13:59

Would your finances stretch to inviting them to a restaurant instead - frame as a treat, save them cooking etc?

Tallulasdancingshoes · 26/12/2022 13:59

Could you maybe suggest going out to a pub to ‘give everyone a break’ from cooking?

YodaBabe · 26/12/2022 14:02

If budgets don't stretch to a meal out Suggest a buffet style affair and bring things with you ?

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mumofthree22 · 26/12/2022 14:16

Could you say closer to the day you have COVID?

CosyScentedCandles · 26/12/2022 14:16

my mothers attitude is she cooks say a roast and everything goes on the plate and if you don't like a certain food you just leave it on the plate but dh and Dc struggle if there's food on the plate they don't like - even if they don't have to eat it, it needs to stay off the plate in the first place.

I think your DH needs to work on this and stop it becoming a “thing” for your son. This is a totally normal way of dishing up when catering for groups of people, I did it myself yesterday, as it is an unbelievable faff to remember who doesn’t like parsnips/stuffing/carrots.

For the rest of the issue, surely the solution is for some kind of cheese/pate buffet that doesn’t actually require cooking.

Original poster
Userno363636363627473 · 26/12/2022 14:17

My parents aren't really the eating out at a restaurant kind, they do have take away sometimes but not sure what will be open midday when we intend to visit. We don't have much spare money right now either! 😭

OP posts:
Original poster
Userno363636363627473 · 26/12/2022 14:18

CosyScentedCandles · 26/12/2022 14:16

my mothers attitude is she cooks say a roast and everything goes on the plate and if you don't like a certain food you just leave it on the plate but dh and Dc struggle if there's food on the plate they don't like - even if they don't have to eat it, it needs to stay off the plate in the first place.

I think your DH needs to work on this and stop it becoming a “thing” for your son. This is a totally normal way of dishing up when catering for groups of people, I did it myself yesterday, as it is an unbelievable faff to remember who doesn’t like parsnips/stuffing/carrots.

For the rest of the issue, surely the solution is for some kind of cheese/pate buffet that doesn’t actually require cooking.

My sons autistic. My dh is just a fussy bugger 😅

dh struggles more so with say cauliflower cheese or some kind of sauce plonked on all his food with no thought as he likes it a specific way.

as for DS his diet is generally very limited.

OP posts:
Celloma · 26/12/2022 14:19

Whether you're brutally honest or try to deflect, it's absolutely fine to refuse to eat there.

asblindasabat · 26/12/2022 14:22

be honest with her and tell her to be more hygienic. I wouldn’t be eating in a house like that. Sick.

Vaccine001 · 26/12/2022 14:23

Tel them you have a sickness bug.

SeaToSki · 26/12/2022 14:33

Just say you have other things planned at lunch time and you can only make it for an hour or so in the morning. Then take some biscuits in a tin as a gift and open then up to eat when you get there. Make sure you leave by 11 saying you must get on. If you dont like stretching the truth, quickly make lunch plans with some friends for noon that day before you get back to your parents.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 26/12/2022 14:35

Can't you take stuff she just needs to reheat?

Lexi868 · 26/12/2022 14:38

Userno363636363627473 · 26/12/2022 13:52

My mother and her partner have invited us for dinner at the end of the week - we don't see them on Christmas Day, we visited last week but did not eat there and do not very often.

dh is refusing to eat there, I am not keen either.

I grew up there and survived but I am really concerned about her attitude to food hygiene and her cooking in general.

she cannot cook for anything. It's either under cooked or totally burnt or dry. I had jaw surgery a while ago and can't eat anything too chewy, she over cooks meat.

my mothers attitude is she cooks say a roast and everything goes on the plate and if you don't like a certain food you just leave it on the plate but dh and Dc struggle if there's food on the plate they don't like - even if they don't have to eat it, it needs to stay off the plate in the first place.

their food hygiene practice is terrible, my mother often leaves food on the side rather than put it in the fridge and eat it next day.

they have quite a few cats and a dog and the cats and dogs sit on the table and the kitchen sides . I have a dog and not overly fussy but I draw the line at the table and kitchen sides. There is always dog hair on plates and cutlery.

theres always greasy water left for hours in the washing up bowl, I don't know how often they clean their sink. They often have the left overs of dog and cat food all over the kitchen not wiped up.

I am cringing thinking about it. I've managed to avoid it for so long.

I don't host here often. I have a small house, small kitchen and my my mum and stepdad have 4 grown up children at home so you invite them, they have to come too.

somehow I survived this growing up but I did used to vomit snd have bowel issues a lot, makes me wonder! I moved out 12 years ago and only eaten there a handful of times since.

she mentioned it and I said oh I'm not sure, maybe we should visit in the morning and not have the stress of cooking. If she's cooking she won't get to spend much time with dc. Dc are also very particular about the food they eat (both have sensory issues). She said she wants to cook.

how can I get out of it without being an ass?

I am not the best cook in the world but I try and be hygienic about it.

Can you compromise and offer to cook the food to take over there?

Tallulasdancingshoes · 26/12/2022 15:24

Yes, that’s a good idea. Maybe something like lasagna that can be done in advance and easily taken over? Would your mum go for that or would she be offended? You might just need to tell her why you don’t want to eat there.

FictionalCharacter · 26/12/2022 23:19

I was thinking you were being a bit fussy until the bit about dogs and cats all over the table and kitchen worktops, and dog/cat hair on the plates. That’s disgusting. I would have to say no to dinner with them.

Fleurdaisy · 26/12/2022 23:29

As pp suggested you can only manage the morning for coffee, take biscuits and some mince pies with you.
Or say you’d love to see them in the afternoon but you’re bringing the tea —- take small sandwiches, cakes, scones. Paper plates might be a good idea too.
I’m with you, I couldn’t eat anywhere where animals sat on worktops and there were dog hairs on the plates — and I have a dog.
Only alternative I can think of is let them come to you but morning or afternoon so food and time is limited.

solvendie · 27/12/2022 00:07

Go and just push it around the plate politely

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