Give me a good talking to - unsuitable men!

[Christmasmaddness]

I've been widowed nearly 2 years and all of a sudden I feel like I could do with sex a man.

I have a pretty active social life and know quite a few perfectly nice men and some who aren't so nice, but if I'm not careful I'm going to get myself into a horrible situation. I'm not at all sure if any of them are interested anyway!

So far I have thoughts of

• really lovely man I've know as a friend since long before DH died. Never had any thoughts of him as anything but a friend before and attempting to change that would ruin everything, I think.
• Good decent man who had had a really hard life, comes with loads of baggage no schooling after 14, drink and drugs problems in his past, currently living in his boss' sofa. I admire the way he's getting his life back straight and he really is making a positive contribution now, but it doesn't make him great partner material.
• Nice stable man, kind and solvent but quite dull
• A pillar of the community type. Does loads of good works, has a good job, good company but has had an on off, very toxic, relationship with a woman 20 years younger than him for the last 10 years or so.

So ultimately no one I know is even slightly attractive, even though I'm starting to look at them that way! It struck me that if I met any of these men "fresh" I wouldn't know any of this though, so "new" men could be just as bad. No one in their 50s is likely to be single without some baggage, I know I have my own.

I'm not sure why I'm posting really, other than sorting my own thoughts out, but how do you deal with dating in an existing social circle without it going horribly wrong, or is it just something to be avoided?

Ohh there's one more too. "Nice" man, everything I've experienced of him IRL makes him quite eligible, but he posts some horribly right-wing stuff online. I've never heard him say it loud, but lots of sharing unpleasant things about immigrants and benefit scroungers.

If you'd like sex, why don't you veer away from folk you actually know, and try OLD. I know there are horror stories (including on here), but post separation I went on there, had an absolute blast with a few fellas, and eventually met my now partner (nearly 3 years), who's an absolute gem.

Not sure I could have, ahem, sampled the same variety if I'd stuck to blokes I know. And it would have been awkward to boot!

God, none of those you mentioned.

Agree with trying online dating.

Someone else said this to me - a man who might have been on the list except he's married. We've been friends a really long time and I've always valued his advice.

His advice was exactly that, stay away from men you know and try OLD, but I've no idea how! I'm also worried that I'd come across people I know. I'm not sure why that worries me, but it does.

Agree with PP. If its sex your after try online dating.

Or maybe you could ask a friend or colleague for sex. At any rate, it's not usually a problem for women to get sex.

I agree go online.
It is easy for women to get sex that way and the men are very willing to please you sexually.
Avoid anyone you know.
So what if you see people you know in there, you are single, just move straight past them like you would if you were in a bar.
Good luck.

I’d give OLD a try. Steer away from those on your list. I’ve recently started dating again, it’s quite exciting! Going to his house tomorrow for the first time.

I would also categorically not even entertain the thoughts of "he would have been on the list except he's married"...

Don't even let it cross your mind... seems an odd thing to even say!

Stick with OLD, you'll find plenty of single eager types without having to stray into the territory of breaking up your mate's marriages!

Oh no no no. Just that we're had a slightly odd drunken conversation where he offered the same counsel that I'm getting here.