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Original poster

Do we keep buying SS’s mum gifts?

28 replies

Dishvtidyxtkep · 25/12/2022 21:11

So we’ve always done a Christmas, Mother’s Day and birthday gift from SS to her and she has reciprocated (we get a Pandora charm or gift box etc and she’d get a mini candle or mini bottle of booze from SS to us). SS picked out a Pandora charm that was £50 for her and some fluffy socks from him to her. In return she gave a bottle of lucazade sport, a can or cider, a can of beer and a small candle from SS to us.
Normally we cap at about £20 but Pandora had the spend x amount and get a free bracelet so DP allowed the more expensive charm.

Is it time to call it quits and let her partner get gifts from her son to her? We’ll still do a card and a picture or something but we aren’t in a position to afford gifts like this?

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 25/12/2022 21:13

But you say that normally you’ve purchased the cheaper gifts. Why can’t you return to that?

If you simply don’t want to do it anymore, please let her know in advance - have his dad say ‘I won’t be helping DS with gifts any more so obviously that will need to be sorted.’

Then presumably your husband also won’t get a gift, unless you buy it.

Lenald · 25/12/2022 21:16

How old is SS. I would say no, it’s a small thing to do to show her appreciation for her hard work as a mother.

just spend less next time.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/12/2022 21:17

How old is he?

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Bemyclementine · 25/12/2022 21:17

Just get cheaper stuff. Her partner might not bother and it's nice to give SS an example of normal gift giving.

ExH gets me nothing from our DC, no card even.. I always get hin stuff from the DC. They want to and Id like them to not inherit his odd attitude to gift giving.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/12/2022 21:18

it’s a small thing to do to show her appreciation for her hard work as a mother

🤣

SNWannabe · 25/12/2022 21:18

Take SS to chose a gift for his mum. Why should her partner do it when your OH and she share a child?

TwoBlueFish · 25/12/2022 21:19

It was your choice to do a more expensive gift this year. Just return to normal level. I’d keep helping him get something for his mum until he can choose something himself.

Thedoglovesmemore · 25/12/2022 21:21

Just give him a spend limit in future.
It’s nice to facilitate him giving to her.
But let your DP do it if it irks you.

Its the cost difference that has clearly brought it to your attention this year so just amend the difference in what you spend to what she does.

PleaseTakeItOff · 25/12/2022 21:23

did she actually wrap up a bottle of lucazade? 😂

Stag82 · 25/12/2022 21:26

My ex doesn’t buy me pressies from my two but I pay for the gifts my kids give. I do it for them as they like it. I do however only spend about £10.

My ex (or rather his gf, who is lovely) got my 10 week old son a gift tho

HikingforScenery · 25/12/2022 21:27

Sounds like you need to set a budget of £5.
His dad should be taking him .

Lenald · 25/12/2022 21:33

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/12/2022 21:18

it’s a small thing to do to show her appreciation for her hard work as a mother

🤣

Yawn.

Original poster
Dishvtidyxtkep · 25/12/2022 21:36

PleaseTakeItOff · 25/12/2022 21:23

did she actually wrap up a bottle of lucazade? 😂

Nope put it in a gift bag

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 25/12/2022 21:38

13 year old DD is given money and I offer to take her shopping to buy gifts for family and friends in the end she didn't buy anything partly as she wasn't feeling great so we had to nip to the corner shop yesterday and bought a box of malteasers for her dad's GF, an ale gift set for him and a gift for her sister.

She was given the option to buy something better, as far as I'm concerned a token gift is sufficient from me I'm not doing any of the mental work but I wouldn't send her with nothing.

Original poster
Dishvtidyxtkep · 25/12/2022 21:40

He’s only 5 so we don’t mind.
DP works when shops are open in a civil servant job so his time is limited that’s during the day.
The only thing is that she doesn’t get from SS to DP, I’m expected to do it. So I feel like it should be the same at hers?

So this year she went it’s a small something from her and her DP not from SS. Whereas ours was from SS to her.

OP posts:
sandwichesarelife · 25/12/2022 21:42

Agree with pp this is your dhs issue to resolve
presumably he’s able to shop online or take some leave to help ds if he’s working 7 days a week and therefore unable to go during the day

Original poster
Dishvtidyxtkep · 25/12/2022 21:42

So for DP’s birthday she got a mini bottle of Disaronno and just gave it to him - no wrapping or anything but we get from SS to her that’s wrapped up etc etc.

OP posts:
KickHimInTheCrotch · 25/12/2022 21:43

It's nice to teach your child about giving and receiving. Choosing a gift within budget that the person would like, wrapping etc. It doesn't have to cost much. So many people on here complain about getting shit gifts - we need to teach and model normal giving behaviour.

Original poster
Dishvtidyxtkep · 25/12/2022 21:43

Another example is that she doesn’t do a Father’s Day gift from SS to DP. I do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dishvtidyxtkep · 25/12/2022 21:45

I’m not opposed to taking him out to get bits as he’ll often come with me when I go gift shopping. It was whether it’s fair that it is our households responsibility to do all of it?

OP posts:
mellicauli · 25/12/2022 21:49

Maybe she lets your SS choose the presents? They can come up with some daft ideas.

LolaSmiles · 25/12/2022 21:49

It should really be fair.

Either your DP buy gifts for SS's Mum, and then SS's Mum buys gifts for your DP, or the new partners sort it on both sides.

It's not acceptable that you're ending up with another job on your list because your DP and his ex can't arrange gifts from the child they share.

herbaltea21 · 25/12/2022 21:53

The benifit of your step son seeing you and his dad buy his mum a present will go so far in the long run.
It's a small gesture, you don't have to spend a lot of money.
Just remember who you're doing it for. It's for him not her.

afromom · 25/12/2022 21:55

We've gone backwards and forwards with this over the years. We pretty much always facilitate DSD getting a gift for her mum for birthday/Christmas/Mother's Day. Either DP or I do it depending who is free.
I also facilitate DPs gifts from DSD as her Mum doesn't do this for her and never has, even when together.
This year DSD is 16 and wanted to get for her 2 brothers too (not mine or DPs children). She said her mum said not to bother as she can't afford it, and DSD was upset that she couldn't. So I bought those for her on Amazon to be sent to her Mums.
I just look at it as being a good role model for her, teaching her about giving and keeping her happy. No it's not our responsibility to get presents for her brothers or Mum, but DSD being upset on Christmas Day as she has nothing to give us just crap, so we did it 🤷🏻‍♀️
I don't see it as a battle of responsibility on either party, just making sure DSD is ok and isn't put in an awkward situation on a special occasion. In terms of her mum not bothering, we've just come to expect nothing to be honest and then when she does step up it's a bonus!

Alexandernevermind · 25/12/2022 21:58

I agree with @herbaltea21, you aren't doing it for her, you are doing this for your ss. It isn't just buying a gift, it's about teaching him to be a good man.