What the bloody hell has my mother done to my potatoes??!

[MadameSzyszkoBohusz]

I SAID I didn't want help. Repeatedly! I told her to go and sit down and leave me to it. But noooooooo, she insisted on at least peeling the potatoes.

Which she then chopped up into the tiniest little pieces imaginable. I can't roast them now! I need big, hefty chunks of potato, for making the sort of roastie that's crisp and golden on the outside and soft and fluffy and succulent in the middle.

2.5 kg of spuds she's decimated. I am so sad for the dinner that might have been.

How small?

I couldn't get annoyed about the potatoes specifically, they'll presumably taste similar and there's always boxing day. Convenience shops are open if you want more potatoes. I do agree that people 'helping' in the kitchen is infuriating though.

I think it's deliberate sabotage because she always complains about my only doing one kind of potato - she used to do roast, mash and boiled.

And it's bloody worked too, because I'm having to mash the bits too small to salvage.

She does boiled, on Christmas Day ? Heathen

I can totally understand, OP, fellow godlike roastie maker here! If she wasn’t your mother I would say LTB😂

Agree with those who advise roasting them anyway but for less time. But for the future, please rehearse these words, shouted firmly and uncompromisingly: “ok everyone, out of the kitchen please, I’m going to cook dinner and don’t want any distractions.” Works a treat.

Rule number 1 when making Christmas Dinner:

LOCK...THE...DOOR!!!

DH kept standing in the middle of the kitchen offering to help. I had everything absolutely organised and prepped to a T. No assistance needed. I sent him to lay the table.

He cocked it up. Obviously not in an unfixable way, I just added all the stuff he left off and tidied it. But really.

I think I'd have boiled half to disintegration point, chucked in the rest just for a couple of minutes and then shaken well so that the former coated the latter before tossing in the fat.

Helpers are exactly that and should never show any initiative 'cos that's when it all goes wrong .

I feel you - roasties are the best bit and even better if someone actually does them properly (as it sounds like you do!). I'd have been furious... a family member denied us roasties a few years ago - and actually tried to serve boiled, tasteless, unseasoned NEW potatoes at Christmas - which as we all know, is actually illegal. Sending roast potato sympathy!

Boiled new potatoes on a Christmas dinner @alfagirl73 😭😭
most certainly against the law

We once had oven chips for Christmas dinner because MIL didn't divulge till we arrived she'd felt too ill to cook. If she'd told me I could have brought potatoes with me. Or stayec at home. Or hosted them on a couple of hours notice. I love cooking and other people just don't do it right!

Whole meal ended up being a bit meh tbh - actually my fault, because I have a chest infection and insisted on cooking the whole thing myself and not letting anyone help. I am, tbf, the best cook in my family by a county mile - but not, it turns out, when having to stop up every few minutes to hack up a lung.

The potatoes were fine, as it happens.

(I should add, I didn't cough anywhere near the food and washed and sanitised my hands every time I did, but still, it was stupid of me)

I'm trying to console myself with a portion of tiramisu, but I can't actually taste anything so it's not really working.

I can’t abide Spoony Fuckers in the kitchen. Hope you feel better soon.

nb is Spoony Fuckers a Mumsnet term or has it gone wider yet?

I'll bet your dinner was delicious and only tasted 'meh' to you because you're under the weather. And teeny roasties are great!

My DS likes small roast potatoes ( crispier , he says) but yes there is "too small" .

In my kitchen the rule is Non Players Off The Green .

Can someone please explain how you make these tiny delicious roasties please, and exactly how tiny are you talking about? Want to try it now.

I hear you! My dad was helping with the veg o. The 24th.

Peel the potatoes - big tick, he left me to cut them up, good Daddy!
Peel the parsnips - again, left the slicing to me.
Scrape the new potatoes - he likes them that way. The skin just comes off, leaving a waxy outside.

Then he decided to scrape the carrots. He has NEVER scraped the carrots before. Never. Not once. What possessed him? Yet if I challenge it there is great offence taken, or bemusement at my surprise.

I feel your pain. My OH asked for a job to do and I asked him to trim the carotts but NOT to cut them up as I was roasting them, and they were smaller than I would of liked to start with

Of course he had to chop the big ones into chunks, he never listens to instructions and goes off piste

Of course he had to chop the big ones into chunks, he never listens to instructions and goes off piste

Better than my DH - he never follows instructions on Christmas day because he's gone off pissed!

😅 to be honest OH was warned not to get pissed. He generally doesn't but he does get a bit tipsy where unless you give very specific instructions he doesn't comprehend

Ie,. Are you putting the (already parboiled, fluffed and ready to go) potatoes in, was like an alien language. I had to explain ARE. YOU. PUTTING. THE. POTATOES. IN. THE. OVEN

To be fair he had been/is still quite ill but think he wanted to help and not leave it all to me

Didn't you see what's she was doing & stop her? "Mum, stop killing the potatoes!!"
I wouldn't have let it get that far!