Half a story

[Batshittery]

I probably should have name changed but I can't be arsed.
I started a thread to wish MN a merry Christmas. It was borne out of a situation between me and my DS. It's a long and rather boring story but it's broken my heart.

Short version -
DS is 40 and for the last 15 years he has ruined every Christmas day. Kicked off and damaged my car. tried to smash windows , damaged things in the house, insulted me in the most horrendous ways. Called me nasty names
This year I have put my foot down. He can't come to us.
I think he has drink/drugs addictions

He is now guilt tripping me. This is the first time in his life that he hasn't spent Christmas with me. I'm sad about it but can't let it continue.
I'm glad that he won't be here but it's tearing me apart
I know no-one can give advice. I don't want advice.
I want to cry and rant. I want my real son back

Sorry to hear that your DS has treated you so poorly! Sometimes people go through things and they have a very selfish way to expressing which ultimately hurts the people that love them the most.

As a parent, I can sympathise but I suggest maybe finding your son some help instead of cutting him off from spending time with you. However, if you know for sure he will kick off then I guess your doing what you think is best.

I've seen my DB verbally abuse my parents before and it's horrible. I hope your son snaps into reality and realises how damaging his behaviour is.

All the best OP, sending hugs!

@Teddybear00 Thank you for your reply. I've provided a brief synopsis of my DS's behaviour. I wouldn't normally post my life on here, but my heart is truly breaking. I don't know where to go with this

Hi OP - you have made a very brave decision this year. You have set a boundary that has a high emotional cost for you, but this is probably the only way that you will get your son back. ❤️

When you say us who else was there for Christmas? Did they not tell him his behaviour was unacceptable? My address dd got irritated and called me a name, I pulled her up on it straight away as I'm not going to be insulted in my own home. I'm surprised you put up with it for 15 years tbh, but we'll done for sticking to your guns

I am so sorry OP and I hope you have a good Christmas. After being violently attacked in public by a family member a few years ago (which they’ve conveniently “forgotten” about) ignore, insulted, bullied, their kids told to insult me, they don’t even know my children’s names, I also gave up. Every event involved me spending hundreds of pounds to travel to them to be humiliated. Of course they’ve told the wider family that I am a terrible person but it’s a small price to pay and I think the family is all aware how many people have been paid off and how many scandals covered up over the years so I don’t really care. I have a new family that I can’t wait to see today. Just leave him to it, do things that make you happy, be around people who make you happy and turn off your phone. Merry Christmas Op

He is no longer a child but an adult that has to accept his sections have consequences. Well done for putting your foot down.

I hope you have a less stressful Xmas.

He's 40 not 14
Kick him out and don't engage with him until he has sought help for his addictions

You will always feel guilty..is natural but you have been more than tolerant and suffered accordingly. Try and enjoy your Xmas in peace