Tips for good in-law relationships please

[Mycatsgoldtooth]

So many pils threads over Xmas. It’s heartbreaking how much conflict the relationships cause.

This year is particularly bad, as DHs family have stopped engaging with us as mil doesn’t like me. So cuts off the whole family. Well she did take out the golden child for a treat last month but otherwise his siblings have gone distant just go along with wherever mil is at with her feuding. So the whole of Xmas with no invites, no meet ups. We’ve invited people but they haven’t replied.

I have four kids and I just want to be a good mil and have good relationships with my children and their families into adulthood. I don’t want a mumsnet thread started about me in 2030.

Pils with good relationships- what are your tips?

I wish I could tell you, but after one too many racist comments from mine (oh it wasn’t against me! It was about other Indians, I’m not one of “those” Indians!), I have nowt to do with them.

They came over to see the kids for an
hour today and drop off presents and I had a bath. Even then, it’s very low contact now, last time they saw the kids was dds birthday in August and they only have contact at our house (after they took dd out once and refused to use the car seat, which we didn’t know about until after, obviously).

So yeah, don’t be a racist wanker and don’t take a three year old out and think you know better about using their car seat and put them in danger.

@lynthesearesexpeople Those I can manage. Sounds shit -I’m so sorry. Hope you’re having a peaceful low contact Xmas.

I am the mother of sons and have two lovely daughter in laws.
I didn’t ever have a mother in law so I was very worried about the relationship I’d have with them (before I knew them).
I’m very grateful my sons are happy.
I know my sons relationship with their wives comes first.
I respect my daughter in law’s homes and their way of doing things.
I’m happy to help but would never interfere.
I support their choices.
I’m affectionate to them.
I tell them how much I appreciate them.
I take an interest in them as separate to my son’s wife or grandchild’s mother.
I treat them as I would my own daughter.
I am incredibly lucky and have a fantastic relationship with them both. We’ve just come back from sharing a holiday with one son and his family and frequently join both families for days out or family time.
I remember that my place has changed, I usually refer to my daughter in laws as ‘mummy’ (meant as a term of the highest respect) and I am known as nanny.
I’m looking forward to another family Christmas which will be filled with fun and laughter.
Merry Christmas to you. All will be well. X