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Original poster

WWYD - extra guests for Christmas, but no gifts?

17 replies

AmazonPrim · 24/12/2022 15:08

We're spending tomorrow with some family. We typically do a secret Santa for the children. The child that we have to buy for is there so we will be bringing their gift. But husband felt like we should be bringing gifts for the other children there as well. There were meant to be 3 additional ones. But he's since received a text from the family member hosting telling us what time to arrive and that 'X' family will be there as well. This additional family (one of their adult children and their family) was not meant to be there. We were told they would be at the in-laws house up north where the husband is from. So now there will be 2 more small children there that we have not accounted for and have no gifts for. Husband has asked me if it's ok to arrive with no gifts for them and just say we didn't know they were going to be there. I feel we should try and get the 2 extra children something. I know there's not much time left! Chances are because of the time now we will arrive with nothing for these extra 2 children.

What would you do? What's acceptable? My husband is an only child and also a bit cheap when it comes to stuff like this, so he never really sees the importance of having everything being fair and even because he didn't ever have to experience that before.

To be fair, I'm not expecting anything for our children from the others because we were mean to be doing secret santa only

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 24/12/2022 15:11

If you do a secret Santa for a certain group of children, eg cousins-who are these extra children? Are they also cousins? Do you normally see them?

If you normally do a SS with the cousins, and this is eg a family friend of the host whose kids you wouldn’t normally see, I wouldn’t buy for them. I’d just say, ‘oh it’s time for the cousins’ Ss now’.

Fadedpicture · 24/12/2022 15:14

I'd take a couple of selection boxes. That way you have "something" to give but it's not embarrassing if they haven't done the same for your DC.

Dayandnightreunite · 24/12/2022 15:15

What about a little selection box each for the extra children as a token gift? Or pair that with a small kiddy craft set from The Works or someplace similar.

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Paddingtonthebear · 24/12/2022 15:16

Yes at this late hour I’d try and get a selection box or a Lindt reindeer or Father Christmas

Original poster
AmazonPrim · 24/12/2022 15:16

Shinyandnew1 · 24/12/2022 15:11

If you do a secret Santa for a certain group of children, eg cousins-who are these extra children? Are they also cousins? Do you normally see them?

If you normally do a SS with the cousins, and this is eg a family friend of the host whose kids you wouldn’t normally see, I wouldn’t buy for them. I’d just say, ‘oh it’s time for the cousins’ Ss now’.

They're all his cousins children. There are 3 adult children. Each with 2 children each.

I also think it's weird that we've bought for the secret Santa and then he's felt like he shouldn't go empty handed for the other 3 children so has also bought them something. Which basically means the 3 extra children will be receiving an extra gift (from us) in addition to their secret Santa gifts. There are 3 more adult children each with 2 small children (a whole other side of the family) that will not be there this year but who are also participating in the secret Santa

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 24/12/2022 15:20

well, small children are not going to get the "secret santa" thing - I'd pop down to the supermarket and pick up some felt tips and colouring books, or something little, just so no child is sitting there with nothing to open when other children all have something

Shinyandnew1 · 24/12/2022 15:33

I wouldn’t have organised a secret Santa plan and then started buying for all the kids anyway. Did you talk about the plan with the adults in advance? What normally happens?

Beercrispsandnuts · 24/12/2022 15:36

I’d pop to the supermarket and buy a couple of gifts yes, it’s beyond toe curling to give kids gifts and watch them rip them open whilst two others get nothing.

im unsure why it’s even a question. You’ve plenty of time to get this sorted.

tiredfriday · 24/12/2022 15:42

Secret Santa for kids is a bit shit tbh but I’d feel the same as yoh and want to get something else. Things like this are awkward.

jessieminto · 24/12/2022 15:51

Get to a large Asda/Tesco, their toy aisle will have a quite a selection for small £5 budget presents that kids will love, along with the other suggestions of felt tips and colouring books etc. play doh or slime always goes down well IME as well.

MintChocCornetto · 24/12/2022 15:53

Yeah nip to the supermarket and get a selection box each or something. you've got an hour probably until they close.

Marmite27 · 24/12/2022 15:59

It’s weird you’ve bought for the other 3 kids when the agreement was secret Santa.

I’d repurpose two of those gifts for the extra children and save the third for either the present box or my own DC’s birthday.

User57713 · 24/12/2022 16:02

What are your secret Santa rules? To me that means I buy gift for a named child, or children, and don't buy for all the others. Or I buy 1 or 2 gifts and they get allocated at random. I don't but for every kid

So surely you stick to that and the hosts sorts out the extra kids? If there are 3 extra kids their parents can bring 3 extra presents?

2FelisCatus · 24/12/2022 18:10

Just pick up some chocolate. Why would anyone quibble over a couple of quid for a few extra kids on Christmas?

Lenald · 24/12/2022 18:15

Why has your husband brought gifts for everyone? If someone brought gifts for all my children and not just their SS I would feel really awkward because I didn’t get all their kids a gift.

just telephone the adult and ask the situation, they might not have got gifts or be expecting them and you could be worried about nothing.

SnarkyBag · 24/12/2022 18:19

Well as you will be making other people feel awkward by bringing gifts for all children and not just secret Santa then I don’t suppose it matters if you make it further awkward by not buying for unexpected visitors.

Original poster
AmazonPrim · 24/12/2022 18:33

We had a few things to do this afternoon before church service. Husband felt like we should bring gifts for all the kids. I've since found out the child we were meant to buy the secret Santa gift for husband bought from Amazon and sent direct to their house. So the secret Santa child will also receive an extra gift as well.

I don't know why he wanted to do this because he's normally really cheap. But we spent about £15 on each of the children's gifts, so a chocolate selection box isn't really going to cut it I don't think.

Anyway, husband is now quite adamant that we're buying any extra gifts so looks like we are going empty handed for the other two. He said he'll just say we didn't know they were going to be there 🫤

I was quite surprised he wanted to buy the extra gifts because he won't even let me bring his aunt that's hosting some nice flowers or a Christmas table arrangement. He went into M&S at the last min and bought a £6 bottle of Malbec. We don't drink wine so I have no idea if it's even moderately good and also if his aunt even drinks that kind of wine Confused

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