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Original poster

Teenager has left home

23 replies

Madmandy12 · 24/12/2022 09:01

Our 16 yr daughter has left home to live with her boyfriend and his mum. We have not spoken to her or seen her in over 5 weeks. We are distraught, she has not even contacted her elderly grandparents. We were all so close. She has been totally brainwashed by this pair. We don't know what to do next. We have contacted police,social services,nspcc,childline. No one can help as she is 16 and has gone willingly. Any suggestions as to what we can do next

OP posts:

ThatshallotBaby · 24/12/2022 09:04

How close is she in distance to your house? Did you have an ok relationship before she left? Is she going to school or college?
I really feel for you. I think you might just have to wait it out. Could you drop a Christmas card round just saying that you love her and she will always be welcome at home?

MulledWineAndMingePies · 24/12/2022 09:06

In what way are they brainwashing her?

What reasons did your daughter give you?

Original poster

Madmandy12 · 24/12/2022 09:16

She has jacked in her job,her attendance for college has gone from 100% to 80% in just these few weeks. Has only communicated by messaging. Not even speaking to friends. she is using a phone that was hidden in her bedroom that we nothing about. No one has spoken to her

OP posts:

ThatshallotBaby · 24/12/2022 11:08

Ok so she is messaging you?
Keep communicating. Don’t tell her off or plead. Just keep saying you love her and she’s is always welcome at home. The important thing is to keep in contact.
You and she will get through this. Hold your nerve @Madmandy12

Original poster

Madmandy12 · 24/12/2022 11:18

no she has message us a couple of times and it does not sound or read like our daughters words and her spelling was awful but has suddenly improved. we believe someone else is messaging

OP posts:

2bazookas · 24/12/2022 11:25

I hope you've stopped her allowance; do not send money, clothes etc.

BF's Mum will pretty soon tire of financially supporting your daughter and running around after her.

Notsa · 24/12/2022 11:30

I'm sorry you are going through this. Had a not too dissimilar situation with my daughter when slightly older.

Make sure she knows she has a way to come home without judgment or comment. You often have to bite your tongue but keep convos light with topics that won't cause arguments.

She will come back.

Testina · 24/12/2022 12:02

If you think someone has her phone, I would go via college. 80% attendance means she’s still going in. I’d ask her tutor to pass her a note that is short and simple, that you miss her and would love for her to come round to visit at any time.

lailamaria · 24/12/2022 12:20

@2bazookas why is this always written on posts like this, punishing her is only gonna wany to make her stay away longer

Oher · 24/12/2022 14:07

lailamaria · 24/12/2022 12:20

@2bazookas why is this always written on posts like this, punishing her is only gonna wany to make her stay away longer

I agree with @2bazookas . Her boyfriend and mother have taken control of this child but are they prepared to financially support her? I don’t know but I would take control of the money in the hope that this would encourage her to get back in contact. Who’s paying for the secret phone, etc.

I’d phone her, and if she doesn’t answer I’d reply to the messages saying that you do not believe that this is your daughter writing the messages and you want to speak to her asap or you’ll report the situation as kidnapping.

I’d also see a lawyer. Just because the police won’t do anything doesn’t mean that nothing can be done.

Original poster

Madmandy12 · 28/12/2022 11:40

My parents have finally seen her.the bf mum did not leave her side they spoke in the car, with the by mum leaning on the car.She has lost weight and seemed terrified don't know what to do next. We have contacted social services and the police again but no ones getting back to us

OP posts:

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 28/12/2022 11:43

Can you speak to college? If she goes there alone maybe they have a guidance team that could ask her if she is OK?

WetBandits · 28/12/2022 11:43

What would happen if you just turned up there to get her? Do you think she would leave with you?

AlJalilia · 28/12/2022 11:43

I did this. Left home, moved in with my boyfriend and his family and had no contact with my family for months. I have the most brilliant relationship with my mum now. It was just a blip. Hopefully that will be the same for your DD.

JuneOsborne · 28/12/2022 11:44

I'd let her know you're always there, no repercussions, she can come home anytime. Do not say negative things about the other family, even though you think them.

Keep on with the police. Tell them you think she's being abused, subject to coercive control, but that she doesn't see it because of her age.

Is there a way to get her a new burner phone that she can use secretly to contact you on?

Onnabugeisha · 28/12/2022 11:48

Most sex trafficked girls in Britain are British.

I’d call the police tell them how she has been cut off from all communication, that when her grandparents saw her she has clearly lost weight, looked terrified and was being kept inside a car. Id ask the police to do a welfare check on her and that they need to speak to her alone/in private.

Do you know anything about this “boyfriend”? If you are not 100% sure he is a boyfriend, stop referring to him as one.

stbrandonsboat · 28/12/2022 11:49

Are they cultists? Do you have any large, male relatives who could persuade her to return to your home whilst you seek help? Does she need de programming? Perhaps a private psychologist could help to help her regain her own mind.

Babymamamama · 28/12/2022 11:51

If you think someone is typing messages on her behalf then go back to the police and report this. Mention risk of coercive control and ask them to do a welfare check to go see her if you are concerned she is being brainwashed and held against her wishes.

MistletoeandBaileys · 28/12/2022 12:23

I second what another poster said and request a welfare check. She should have been able to speak to your parents with ease. This whole situation doesn’t sound right to me.

She does seem to be under some sort of coercive control. And you know your daughter best. So you know how she texts and what’s normal for her.

Would it be any use in contacting Women’s Aid for advice? Even if they were able to point you in the right direction of where to go with this situation.

Also I would just send a nice text to her along the lines of, “Hello darling I hope you had a wonderful Christmas! We were wondering if you fancied coming around for dinner on New Years Day? We are getting a curry! Love you lots!” Etc.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP 💐

Singleandproud · 28/12/2022 12:35

I would turn up at the Police station and not leave until they brought my DD back to me.
I'd be mentioning the words County Lines and sex trafficking which is a growing problem in the UK and also (potentially) matches her change in behaviour, loss of weight and looking terrified. Which should spear them into action.

Her college should be doing alot more to support you she is exhibiting lots of the signs we are trained to look out for in individuals vulnerable to sexual or criminal exploitation.

Singleandproud · 28/12/2022 12:38

Also if it is a criminal /County Lines situation then it is highly likely they will have threatened her with harming family and friends if she leaves which may be why she hasn't come home willingly.

Onnabugeisha · 28/12/2022 12:39

Singleandproud · 28/12/2022 12:38

Also if it is a criminal /County Lines situation then it is highly likely they will have threatened her with harming family and friends if she leaves which may be why she hasn't come home willingly.

Exactly right.

ItWillBeDone · 28/12/2022 12:40

That sounds so worrying. I can't offer any advice but hope the police do a welfare check. Thinking of you OP.

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