PlayStation/X-Box play time limits

[Just2MoreSeasons]

My DS is getting a PlayStation for Christmas after making it very clear that he'd love one for a very long time.
He's almost 8 and obsessed with minecraft.

He's been playing minecraft on a Kindle since he was 6 and I felt it was time to upgrade as he loves it so much. But. I don't want this to take over all the other healthy things he could be doing.

I think I'd like him to 'earn' his PlayStation time by doing some little chores and perhaps doing a little extra literacy work which he sometimes struggles with. And I'd like to limit his time on the PlayStation so that there's a healthy balance of other activities.

I have tried on school holidays allowing him to self manage his screen time but it's always a disaster. He can't do it. Becomes grumpy and argumentative.

To give you an idea of how busy he is and what his free time looks like -He goes to state school finishing at 3:15pm, cubs, swimming lessons and a couple of after school clubs each week.

Current rules for kindle are games on Fri to Sun only and he's allowed 10 mins supervised YouTube each school night.

Could you please share what your time limits have been/are for around this age. And anything you wish you'd done differently? Many thanks

Lots will disagree with our stance, but it works for us:

Our kids can play for 30 mins on a Friday/Saturday/Sunday (and during school holidays). Not on a school night.

We have a switch which means we can set play limits and the console automatically locks out at the end of the time (it gives a 5 minute warning). This has been good as it's not big bad mum turning it off.

We have also spent time working with them to understand that wailing and shouting about their time being limited is not going to be rewarded with more time. This along with explaining why we are limiting the time and why this will continue until their frontal lobes have developed enough to be able to make sensible choices & exercise some self control.

It's not for everyone, but this is how we do it and it works.

Thanks so much for replying. Really hoping I get more answers and no one piles on in judgement.

I'm finding it difficult to find a reasonable solution but I agree that 30 mins at a time does seem sensible.

Can I ask what they do on school nights instead? I find it so much harder in the winter as we are rural do it's dark outside and muddy and there's very little to do. My DS has never been interested in toys (even though we've got loads) and this was long before gaming started.

I fear we'd give in at the wingeing for our own sanity and I really don't want that!

At that age we allowed an hour a night. But could be taken away for eg rudeness.

We’ve never linked chores to rewards as want DC to understand that we all have to contribute to the household so chores are non-negotiable.

That's a good point too about chores- thanks for that reminder.

I'm currently thinking 30 mins on a weeknight seems reasonable but I'm wondering if I should do an extra 15 mins as an override if for example he's done some quiet reading for 15 mins?

Any thoughts on that?

One problem I see is that the 15 mins extra game playtime come quite late in the evening and ideally the game playing time would not happen close to bedtime...

I think you’re overthinking this. You’ll find your own balance as time goes on. What are you planning to do? Give him the toy he has wanted for ages on Christmas day and then say no you have to do quiet reading before he can use it?

Yes limit screen time by all means but listen to your child and find a family balance rather than listening to strangers on the internet

I agree- I am overthinking it

But of course I wouldn't as him to do quiet reading on Xmas day, I will say it's the holidays let's have lots of playtime this week but there will be rules once we are back at school.

30 minutes? At the weekend? Good God that is nowhere near enough.

And I am very happy to listen to strangers on the internet! This is the chat board- I want to chat about it in order to straighten out how I'm feeling about it but also to get opinions on how it's worked for others.

I would love to hear more. How old is your child? Do they have other interests? How long is enough for your child? Are they moody when they come off?

I'm genuinely really interested and I think it's party dependent on the individual child, family dynamics, if they have friends/siblings to play with, if they have other interests.

I’m fully prepared to get flamed for this but…as long as homework is done first my 9 year old can have PS4 until dinner time. If she’s done her homework by 3.30pm and dinner is late and isn’t ready until 6.30pm then she gets 3 hours. Today all bets are off. My husband is at work and I’ve got loads to organise, if she sits playing minecraft with friends all day then so be it.

She plays with school friends in a private game, so no randoms are in there and she’s not allowed to accept friend requests without me checking who it is first, I regularly check her friends list to make sure she’s sticking to this rule.

She goes to after school clubs, is a six at Brownies, does well in school and is perfectly well adjusted, but playing minecraft isn’t the hill I’m going to die on.

Absolutely no flaming from me! It's clearly working for you as a family. And I totally understand that sometimes you need the children to be busy and engaged with something so you can achieve other things. And occasionally we'll relax rules too when we aren't managing other things and need to refocus elsewhere.

But for us, DS isn't doing so well in literacy, and he's really very grumpy when he's had too much time on it. He can't self regulate at all. It's really all he talks about and whilst it's lovely that he has a strong interest, I would like him to be a well rounded person that can chat about something else if needs be!

I want to be fair to him- to be honest I've no idea if he can get the satisfaction he's craving if he plays for only 30 mins. But I'm also craving a bit more peace in our house, so if he has too much and becomes difficult and moody -I'm not getting the satisfaction of a good balance either.

The question I'm trying to solve is how we can put something in place which suits both/all of us. And I'm overthinking it because it's tricky to get it right

I go by time more than anything, between clubs dinner and afterschool he is rarely on before 7.30 and he times out at 8.30.

Weekends maybe a bit more, realistically if it's good weather he'd rather be on his bike so it does get used more in winter.

The younger one is in after school club & the elder walks home then gets homework etc done.

We also have various after school clubs during the week (& weekend clubs) so we're not short of things to fill the time.

30 mins at a time is plenty for us. They do also have other toys/games and activities, seeing real life people, just like we did in the "olden days" (of the 80s/90s).

Some people find it easier to have a day a week that is for tech, but then not limit it (within reason) so Tuesdays is x box night and they can play for a few hours.

I dont game but i would think 30 mins is hardly time to get started and would be frustrating.

Thanks everyone for your insights. I have decided that I will involve him (to an extent!) in the decision about how much time he gets and when and then we'll review a few weeks into the new term according to his behaviour.
Happy Christmas all

My son, 8, will receive a Nintendo switch tomorrow. At the moment he has a tablet which has a couple of games on it (not minecraft) and he’s allowed it after school on a Friday and on the weekend. They’re allowed their tablets when they wake up on the weekend for about an hr until we get up and tend to watch stuff rather than game. We don’t do any screen time until after lunch on the weekend (so after 1.30/2) and they have 2-3 hrs. At the moment the games are set for one hour each on the weekend days, I put this limit in because he was finding it hard to get off them.

I think we’ll try to keep similar rules re the switch. It’ll be for weekends/ Friday afternoon.