Just feel a bit bloody fed up

[Mmmmmamm]

been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years. We have an amazing son together

We’ve overcome hardships that come with the first year of a baby and navigating your new relationship style

I would like to be engaged! As I’d like to be married

I’ve hinted a few times and he just gets defensive now and says I need to stop asking etc he’s annoyed with me saying it

but I’m just a bit fed up. We’ve had 4.5 years together, a beautiful amazing baby boy. Not to toot my
own horn I’m a fantastic mother and girlfriend. I let him have a lot more freedom than most women I know with their partners and I hold down the fort pretty well!!!!

But his attitude towards it just makes me feel down. He says he loves me but I don’t understand why he doesn’t seem willing to commit yet anyway.

And I feel like a bloody mug when our son is nearly 1 and he doesn’t seem to be doing this anytime soon.

You let him have a lot more freedom?

does that mean he spends every weekend acting like a single bloke going out with mates (I know it does).

don’t be a mug, love.

If you want to be married - you ask him?

@FleeceDuvet not every weekend no. But in the past year for example certain half days on a weekend when he’s wanted to go hiking with friends (he’s quite outdoorsy) I’ve let him. Mainly as if I struggle I have a good family support system

but he’s back after half a day or so not out drinking then gets hungover for a while aga

@thismeansnothing This is a nice idea :) it’s just I’ve always had the dream of being proposed to I guess

Maybe you are so fantastic he worries he isn't really good enough for you...

You can ask him? Or sit down and have a conversation about marriage and see where both your thoughts are at? Or let him take the lead?

Why do you feel you let him have freedom? Is your parenting equal and shared?

I think there's an issue with the way you're thinking to be honest. I don't mean to be harsh but it's so odd to say you let him have freedom. My husband and I don't grant each other permission to do stuff.

But if you've told him you want to get married then you need to propose to him instead. He then can tell you a straight yes or no.

I let him have a lot more freedom than most women I know with their partners and I hold down the fort pretty well!!!!

Can you be more specific?

On marriage, has he ever said he wanted to be married to you or married at all? Maybe he’s just not interested. Did you not discuss it before having your child?

He’s given no sign he’ll ever marry you unless you’ve missed something out of your post. He doesn’t want you to bring it up. It’s not going to happen. And why would he when he seems the type to value his freedom and has the benefits of a girlfriend and mother of his child and none of the risks of a serious legal commitment?

@autienotnaughty he’s made it clear he will marry me one day he will propose one day but I just have a niggling feeling I’ll get bloody pregnant again before he even proposes! And ‘one day’ is such a vague time frame

Parenting is a lot more equal now. Early days I had postpartum anxiety and refused his help a lot as I thought I was the only person capable of looking after our baby.

Sorry to clarify. When I talk about the freedom thing I’m mainly comparing to people I know who have kids and partners.

so when I compare to them I have not battled him
on ever going out or taking time for himself etc. maybe I’m just in a weirdly strict group of people aha

Why would you accidentally get pregnant?

Yeh, I really don't get this freedom thing. Do you tell him you're allowing him freedom, you're granting him permission to do something?! I don't know what your friends being strict has to do with it, what the women are in charge of allowing the partner to do something for themselves??

@HalloVegBot he does tend to ask before he goes out for a bit (half a day hiking as a previous example) now we have our son as if to say should I stay and support you etc

he doesn’t ask everything it’s more the longer occasions

Yanno OP. If you're on here asking if shit is weird. Then shit is weird right?

How about you start saying no to the daft twat and your future will probably be a lot clearer.

It's not up to you to allow him to do anything.
Also if you were so adamant marriage was a priority why have a baby first? I was adamant I wouldn't consider DC until I was married because marriage is important to me and I know once children were part of the equation or would get kicked into the long grass or never be the priority I wanted it to be.
My SIL asked me why I was so adamant about this when I'm not religious (before we got married, before we had DS she'd already had DN). She's actually not my SIL but she's been with my DB nearly 16 years, they have two DC and she desperately wants to be married but his POV is what's the point when we already live like a married couple. It's a big source of tension for them.
There's not much you can do now other than ask him yourself and hope he doesn't say no

He’s making himself clear when he tells you to stop talking about it. Whatever his reasons are, he doesn’t want to get married.

OP, if being married is so important to you (and I’d want marriage also) you r3ally do have to make your partner know that you won’t be hanging around indefinitely for it. Put a time set in your mind and if it’s not forthcoming by then you know what to do next.

aww you sound nice but you’re probably too soft. Lots of women fall into this trap. Never move in with men without the ring. You live with him, you have had his child, you’re probably cooking and cleaning for him. There’s no incentive to marry you. I’d be trying to get rid of him if he doesn’t want marriage