How to cope with infertility/loss at Christmas

[Confusedivf]

Asking for advice/trying to create a thread of support this Christmas.

Background - I lost my first baby to an ectopic pregnancy earlier this year and haven’t been able to conceive since despite multiple investigations.

I’m just feeling so sad going into the Christmas period :( I feel like it’s a holiday filled with children. I will be spending a lot of time with family children and just unsure how to cope without my own. I almost feel like an outsider looking in at family time.

Any MN advice? How are others coping?

I should’ve been going on mat leave this week but like you, I had an ectopic earlier in the year.

As it was my second I’ve now got no tubes and completely sterile.

I do have one MIRACLE toddler and he’s keeping me going.

Otherwise I’d not be bothering with merry fuckin Christmas.

@Lividity I’m so sorry to hear about your situation :( it’s all so sad.

I have no living children - all my friends are in full ‘mum mode’ prepping for Christmas and I am just sat around at home watching telly. Wish I could be in mum land… it feels so lonely being outside looking in.

To add, I massively feel for you with no living children of your own.

I was the maiden aunt for MANY years and it really is shit. My current secondary infertility is rubbish but will never be as bleak as the feeling I had when I didn’t believe I’d ever have my own children.

I’d recommend loads of counselling if you can get it. It did help me. And vent on here, it’s okay xx

@Lividity thank you - I’ll look into counselling in the new year.

Maiden aunt sounds about right! So hard breaking when it isn’t a role by choice :(

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'd recommend looking through your Christmas schedule to put aside some times when you can get away from families/children/social media, and give yourself some gentle rest.

You're grieving, you're right that Christmas is likely to make that grief even more acute, and grieving is exhausting. The rest won't fix anything, but it might mean you can go into the New Year feeling slightly less drained.

I'm so sorry for your loss op. I had an ectopic in 2021 and my due date would have been just before Christmas. It was such a traumatic experience so I feel for you 😪

I do have children already though so I appreciate it's different. I would suggest counselling if you wanted to go down that route, it can reallt help. Let yourself grieve and feel all the feelings. It hurts but I think bottling these things up is more damaging in the long term.

I do love christmas but I also hate the way it can make people feel either overwhelmed, pressured or inadequate in so many different ways. Getting off social media for me is a big help with this. Sod christmas entirely if it feels easier that way, or just partake in the bits you feel able to, the bits that YOU get some enjoyment out of. Even if that's none of it then that is ok.

I'm sorry you're struggling and have been through what you have, life's not bloody fair. Be gentle on yourself and take care.