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Original poster

No kids Xmas gifts from extended family

40 replies

Healthanxietyqueen · 23/12/2022 12:03

So I know money is tight this year, I said to all relatives in October not to get any adult gifts and something tiny for the children if they wanted. The upshot, no aunties or uncles have got them anything. My mum will “get them something after Xmas”. Which is hardly the point, as opening stuff on Xmas day is the joy. I don’t really give them toys outside of birthdays and Xmas so it’s lovely for them to get presents at Christmas.

I feel like this is a bit shit, I’ve bought family lovely thoughtful gifts year in year out and no one could be arsed to spend a quid on a chocolate orange or a little thing from the pound shop, which the children would have been happy with. The aunties and uncles range from 22-40 some with kids and some without. None of them are really skint either, holidays abroad and expensive cars in the last couple of months so they could spend £1-5. I’m wrapping the nice thoughtful gifts I’ve got for their children and the little things I’ve got for the younger relatives and feeling sad that no one could be arsed. Kids are always grateful and excited and we write thank you letters so it’s not like gifts disappear into the void.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 23/12/2022 12:09

That's really shit. I'm so sorry OP. I'm sure you will help your DCs to have a lovely Christmas anyway but that seems both tight and thoughtless.

Original poster
Healthanxietyqueen · 23/12/2022 12:11

It will be lovely, and tbh I wonder if they will notice as they have five nice things each from us and a stocking. It’s just made me feel a bit deflated that they haven’t been arsed.

OP posts:
doyouwanticewiththat · 23/12/2022 12:17

It's the same in my family, has been for years ..one SIL makes an effort sometimes , but tbh I know she's short of cash . However, totally get what you mean, it's not the amount spent in a gift , it's the thought, and DC growing up would have been happy with a really small present .
They are older now and it's not such a big deal , but they have noticed in past they don't even get a card . We have never spoilt our DC any other time but at Christmas . I've figured out over the years I'm just a present buying sort of person , even if skint, and others just aren't that bothered !,

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FuzzyPuffling · 23/12/2022 12:23

I think it's fine. You don't know what other peoples priorities are. If you're that concerned, you could buy a few more presents for your children, but honestly, five presents and a stocking sound fine.

FeltCarrot · 23/12/2022 12:25

Give the gifts you’ve bought your nephews and nieces to your children if the aunts/uncles haven’t bothered if they’re suitable.

FeltCarrot · 23/12/2022 12:27

If they are just little extra stocking filler things, why not have a treasure hunt in the afternoon with them.

UWhatNow · 23/12/2022 12:29

I get you op - it’s the cba mentality that is hurtful. Especially from family who are meant to care. I’d tell your mother not to bother as if it’s not at Christmas she’s missed the point and I wouldn’t bother at all with the family in future.

Inkpotlover · 23/12/2022 12:31

Not sure I'd be fussed about aunties and uncles but I'd be really upset on my kids' behalf if their grandmother CBA to get them even a tiny token gift. That's really, really shitty. Is she always like this with them?

sheepdogdelight · 23/12/2022 12:31

So you told them not to get adult presents and to get "something tiny for the children if they wanted".

And now you are annoyed they have taken you at your word? Why not just say "no adults presents but just get something small for the children" where it is at least clear what you are expecting.

What's wrong with a present after Christmas? Presents on unexpected days is an amazing treat for a small child!

Original poster
Healthanxietyqueen · 23/12/2022 12:34

The gifts for the other children are all quite specific for their interests so I’ll give them to them as I know it will make them happy. The stuff for the twenty somethings I’m tempted to keep but I’ll give them their gifts as I actually like getting people presents that I’ve put thought into. Maybe will be the last year though!

The kids won’t mind, it’s more the fact it was all of them not bothering from both sides of the family and my mum not being bothered to get them something for Xmas either. It’s just so lazy. They have all happily accepted very thoughtful gifts over the years. Last year Mil started a group chat about sil (21) not getting enough for Xmas as she was not travelling due to covid and could we send her a little something to cheer her up. I got a her a little hamper with pj’s and chocolates and some moisturiser as I felt bad for her. She couldn’t be arsed to drop off a card or some sweets to my kids yesterday when she collected her gift for this year.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 23/12/2022 12:37

Yep - I was the last in my extended family to have kids. Years of buying for other's children, rarely a thank you. Then I had mine and nothing. Then one year a cousin called at Easter to say 'I know you sent Christmas presents but they get so much and I can't remember what you gave them but thanks'. That was the last time I bought for anyone outside my immediate family.

Piscesmumma1978 · 23/12/2022 12:41

Dp's aunt has only given to our ds this year. Not my older ones who aren't his.

There has been a family issue this year and I feel I'm being blamed. Fair enough but don't leave my kids out who you've previously bought for. A £1 bar of chocolate would be fine, this is just mean.

Brunilde · 23/12/2022 13:02

I feel like the blame for this lies solely with you. You acknowledged people might be struggling so told them they didn't have to buy gifts or could if they liked. Now you're annoyed they didn't buy gifts.

If you were truly concerned about their finances you wouldn't care as maybe they really couldn't afford anything little.

Lesson for next year don't try to organise what others do. If you receive a gift great, if not move on.

Original poster
Healthanxietyqueen · 23/12/2022 13:30

Yes next year I’ll not bother being thoughtful at all. Still can’t get my head around popping over to collect a gift as an adult but not dropping something in for the children. Kids won’t mind, but it’s not painted any of the adults in the family in a particularly good light. If you can’t be bothered to get a 7&5 year old a little something at Xmas when you’ve received gifts. My mum not getting the kids anything too is really bad as I know she will have got my brothers children so etching to open in the day as she’s spending Christmas with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Healthanxietyqueen · 23/12/2022 13:32

@Piscesmumma1978 that's horrible. I don’t understand how people can leave put step-children. Just a token gift can mean so much, it really is the thought that counts.

OP posts:
Freesia41 · 23/12/2022 13:34

Piscesmumma1978 · 23/12/2022 12:41

Dp's aunt has only given to our ds this year. Not my older ones who aren't his.

There has been a family issue this year and I feel I'm being blamed. Fair enough but don't leave my kids out who you've previously bought for. A £1 bar of chocolate would be fine, this is just mean.

My DH's Aunt (so the DC's Great Aunt) buys just for DH's brother's kids and not ours 😡

I absolutely have never expected anything from her, but the discrepancy just really bugs me.

BabyFour2023 · 23/12/2022 13:34

YABU. You basically told them not to bother when you said “something tiny for the children if they wanted to”
It probably led to the assumption you weren’t buying for their children as money is tight.

BabyFour2023 · 23/12/2022 13:35

Healthanxietyqueen · 23/12/2022 13:30

Yes next year I’ll not bother being thoughtful at all. Still can’t get my head around popping over to collect a gift as an adult but not dropping something in for the children. Kids won’t mind, but it’s not painted any of the adults in the family in a particularly good light. If you can’t be bothered to get a 7&5 year old a little something at Xmas when you’ve received gifts. My mum not getting the kids anything too is really bad as I know she will have got my brothers children so etching to open in the day as she’s spending Christmas with them.

Maybe your brother didn’t tell her not to bother like you ?

Floralnomad · 23/12/2022 13:35

You can’t really say to people don’t worry about buying gifts and then moan when they don’t , however you should have done the same and put the money you’ve spent on other people towards things for your own children . Lesson learned for next year .

Piscesmumma1978 · 23/12/2022 13:38

I'm quite upset by it really. The issues have nothing to do with my children.

Berlinlover · 23/12/2022 13:41

YABU

HewasH20 · 23/12/2022 13:44

Why did you get your adult SIL a gift?

Changechangychange · 23/12/2022 13:45

But you told them not to buy anything! Why on Earth did you say that, if you didn’t mean it?

Original poster
Healthanxietyqueen · 23/12/2022 13:52

@BabyFour2023 they knew I was buying for theirs as we chatted about what their kids wanted.

Yes probably trying to be mindful of peoples circumstances has backfired. Just thought people would feel ok about getting the kids a little something rather than feel pressured to get a big gift. I’ve just learned people are happy to take but less happy to give.

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 23/12/2022 13:54

I think its very tight and unfeeling of them. Particularly if your Mum come round to your house yesterday to collect her present. You were still buying for their DC, so a selection box or a book should be the least they could do. I bet they always take a bottle of wine or something if they go to to someones house for dinner, or buy a round at the pub. I would let them know you are disappointed that they couldnt be bothered with your dc in even a small way and so you will be stopping gifts going forward for everyone. The fact that you gave people the option to give nothing to the dc was generous of you if any of them were really stuck for money, but I cant see that all of them are in that position.

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