Need advice - my kids just won't listen to me

[Ledaer]

My kids are 5,10,11. They are generally good kids but I am at the end of tether with them at the moment. They never listen to me when I ask them to do anything. Literally Every. Single. Fucking Thing.

I usually get any one of the following response:

• I did it last time, its other DCs turn - this then turns into a squabble
• i dont want to
• constantly asking why?
• only do half of what I've said as apparently they only heard half a sentence
• ill do it later (which means it wont happen)

i totally get that kids will be doing this and expect some of this but its to the level that this is happening- it's really stressing me out. It all came to a head today when I just yelled at one of the Dcs as i was just so fed up of them asking me why?why?why over and over. I cried. They cried. We were in a state and I just want to enjoy being with them and for every single thing not to be a hassle.

Its not even about chores or anything too taxing which you might even expect. it will be everyday things like asking them to brush their teeth, asking them to get me something from the other room or asking to put their clothes away, getting off screens. Everything feels like a fight.

i can't be the only other parent that has felt like this and would be grateful for some tips and advice. I really feel like i am failing at this parenting thing,

What consequences do you put it if they don't listen?

So in our house if my son (10) doesn't listen, I tell him that if he's not done it by the time I count to 3, there will be consequences.

The consequences are usually no screen time that day or no football training. I have found that I only have to follow through very very rarely because he knows i will do it.

the only consequence they care enough about is screentime. but that doesn't always work.

What is their routine?

So for a period, my son was allowed no screentime in the morning until he was 100% ready for school. He had to do everything before the TV went on because otherwise we would have had dramas about teeth rushing etc.

I would be tempted to take the fuse out of the TV and hide their electronics if this is ongoing and just force them to tow the line.

If the only thing your kids care about is screens, the not-listening is a symptom of a much bigger problem, which is that your children have basically developed a total expectation for instant gratification. This is one of the biggest issues with screens for young kids, IMO, the constant stimulation and dopamine hit. It fucks their attention spans and makes their ability to withstand delays in gratification (or stop doing what they want in order to do what they need) basically nil. You need a total detox imo.

You are definitely not the only parent 😫.

I agree you need a complete detox, OP. They are hooked on screens and will be much easier to handle if you can stop it.

I have the same problem in terms of constantly reminding them to do basic things like brush your teeth, wash your face, clean your nose, put face cream on, get dressed, comb your hair, prepare your breakfast, put your clothes away.

They don't to give backlash every time but I have to remind them all the time. I have set up a cook system at home so it might help for your youngest but worth a shot for all of them.

The boys get a 10p coin in their jar if I have not told them to do something and a 10 p coin for each minute they have read a book or done maths or writing so if they have done 20 minutes of reading they get 20 coin. Or if they are outdoor doing sports they get a coin for each minute doing sport.

One coin is then exchanged for one minute of device time. They are not allowed to go on devices until after 3 or 4 pm during holidays. They learn to keep busy with sports and a bit of school work or playing.

School weekdays devices are banned completely and they can only have them Friday after school between 5 & 6 and weekends.

It seems to motivate them for now and they are listening and following the system.

The only issue is I have occasionally is by giving them step by step reminders for daily things which annoy me like step by step such as
Brush your teeth, wash your face, clean your nose, dry your face, put face cream on, put your brush and toothpaste away, get dressed, put your clothes away, make and eat your breakfast, put yours dishes in the sink, put your cereal away, put the milk away! Sometimes it can be the same thing the following day depending on whether they are messing around!!!

Some days they are good and they do everything.

I think I need to go back to the checklist on the reward chart where they cross is all off as that worked. During school days they each had a reward chart with step by step instructions to get ready i.e.

1. Brush your teeth
2. Wash your face
3. Clean your nose
4. Face cream
5. Get dressed
6. Put clothes away
7. Comb hair
8. Put comb and toothbrush & toothpaste away
9. Get school bag ready

10. Get water bottle 11. Get a snack for school 12. Put iPad in school bag 13. Put shoes on 14. Put coat on

Only after they completed all of those task they were then allowed to watch TV before school.

I know it's very regimented but I hate talking in the morning and when you have three children and have to remind each of them it helps.

I gave the boards up during the holidays so they could chill and have go slow mornings but then I have to nag them!!