Would a wedding be a waste?

[Newlyengagedd]

Newly engaged! Me and my fiancé are in the talks do what should we do/what do we want to do for our wedding.

he wants one. a whole day! I personally would get married very very low key, sign papers. Then have an amazing honeymoon and have a party for family and friends when we get home.

I feel like this as I only have a TINY family - they’d make up 15 guests. I have like 2 friends! My circle is small. So we’d be reliant on his circle to make the day up and he does have a big family and quite a few friends. But if we do it a little bit outside of where we live so travelled to a nice countryside etc none of his family would travel.

Theres quite a few kids on his side too so we take that into account. We have a son ourselves too :)

I feel a wedding would be a waste of money and look so … empty? No where really caters for small parties I feel

Undecided here

Could you do the wedding in the afternoon then book a lovely restaurant and have a fantastic meal for just family? Wouldn't feel empty.

Sorry meant immediate family (parents siblings etc not uncles and aunties and cousins)

Gretna Green do packages where you can have a really nice ceremony then a family meal at one of the hotels. So it feels like a formal wedding but caters to smaller numbers.

You could do similar? Have the church or formal ceremony locally and then either hire a smaller venue or a hotel for a sit down meal and party. Your DH gets his 'formal' feeling wedding but you get a scaled down, less showy experience that feels like a family party to you?

We had just parents, siblings and a couple of close friends. Still a fair few as DH is one of 5. Really happy with our choice. Registry office followed by a meal out in one of our favourite restaurants.

We had a ‘medium’ size wedding with 40 guests at a really nice registry office and then a lunch and evening buffet in a hotel. It was lovely.

I am not keen on the party afterwards idea.

Venue size matters but, chosen correctly, it won't feel empty whether you have 10 or 110.

Hotels often have a range of room sizes, so ask what room they have thay match your numbers. Some might have rooms that hold 150 but have dividers that make smaller, cosier rooms that don't look underfilled.

It's not so much the amount of people, but the scale of everything around it. Having big tables but empty seats or a big room with only 2/3 tables in it, looks much emptier than say bench style seats fitting snugly in the room, even if it's the same number of people. Basically empty chairs, big empty spaces, lots of untouched 'leftovers' and empty time (where you've allowed too much time for the amount of guests - like an hour spare, for 10 people to check in) makes things seem underfilled and wasteful.

I had about 40/50 people at my wedding...it didn't feel empty in the number of people in the space. But perhaps I'd maybe consider the evening a bit more. The kids went home (with their parents) fairly early, and not many people were really big dancers, so the dance floor had its moments but maybe a bit more of a waste. But it was definitely 'our family' - a different group of even 20/30 people and it wouldn't have been empty all night.

What does his 'whole day' look like?

We had a small 15 people wedding. Chose a venue that suited the numbers and that regularly hosts small weddings so had appropriate sized rooms. It felt really comfortable and intimate all day and you'd never know so few people were there from the photos. I wanted small low key but also to wear the white dress and veil. We also had live music at night so were able to dance. We picked the things we wanted for a wedding and didn't compromise on those just because of guest numbers. You can definitely make the day you want and it'll be amazing.

You need to write 2 guest lists- first one the list of people who you would 100% want to be with you that day, this could be a very small number.

then a bigger list of who would be included if you had no limits on numbers etc. then consider what the event looks like with both guests list e.g. venues would be different, budget etc and chose which of the 2 x days makes the most sense to you.

so we had 2 options- 1 was 30 people so immediate family and closest friends (basically just Bridesmaids and groomsmen and their partners) for us both. Second was 80 people so wider family for us both + wider circle of friends.

We decided that 30 x people would be a shorter day so late afternoon ceremony into fancy dinner in fancy hotel followed by speeches but then probably just drinks before bed. We felt that 30 would be too few for a disco etc. 80 person day involved a bigger venue (barn instead of hotel) but much simpler but still plentiful food choices, more casual set up, followed by big party.

what decided it for us was that we were comfortable with the costs of the larger event and realised we were probably going to be the only couple on both sides to have a big wedding and wanted the opportunity for a big family get together.

once you can see how the different days would play out, you will feel more confident making a decision.

we went to a wedding last saturday lovely simple service in a small church and then a meal in the local toby carvery they had put aside a room for guests and it was lovely and relaxed no pressure on bride and groom to choose food ,bottles of prosecco on the table and other drinks bought by guests at the bar probably one of the nicest least stuffy weddings i have been to

Depends how much money you've got. We cancelled our wedding because we couldn't afford it. Would've meant a bank loan, a lot of cutting back and no honeymoon at all to get married the way we wanted to. Going forwards we're hopefully going to have a very low key wedding with a honeymoon. I'd much rather compromise on the day than the holiday!

You can't expect him not to invite his whole family just because yours is much smaller that wouldn't be fair.

Your wedding shouldn't be about size, it should be about what you want personally, name, commitment to each other, love. I know some people who have had excessive 500 people weddings, we had 78 and then others 20. It really is preference but you could get married in an office then meal after close family. Or Gretna do some lovely packages and it isn't what it used to be where it was seen as "running away". All your own opinion or even you could make a little family holiday over it and go abroad. All depends on you as a couple, please don't let external factors dictate your life. Easier said than done I know.

I remember more of my wedding than my honeymoon.

We only had 35 people and had a 3pm ceremony, followed by a cream tea and then a sit-down dinner at 7.30pm.

Perfect in my opinion.

The honeymoon was lovely but in the end it was just a fancy holiday. Due to various circumstances it wasn't the holiday of a lifetime or anything like that.

Yep, huge waste of money. Registry and witnesses all that’s needed.