Grandchild does not follow instructions

[sanaomsa]

My grandchild boy 12 years old does not follow his parents instructions. If he is asked to tug his shirt or comb his hair before going to school he will not do it unless he is told to do it and this happens every morning. He is poor at noting homework tasks and exams dates from his teachers which may result in him failing certain exams. He is very good in math and science always passing their exams but recently he was the worst in his year in history. Character wise he is polite and very nice boy. Teachers say he needs to learn to concentrate in class and pay more attention. He seems to be forgetful on occasions. His parents are worried but my opinion is that he will improve in near future once he is a bit older. Any views on this. Thanks

Worried about what? Someone has to be the worst at history don’t they, and I don’t think many 12 year olds look that polished.

Sounds very similar to kids who have ADHD...or ADD. Not saying that he does but if his parents want to get him assessed, then they should.

Otherwise, there's nothing seriously wrong here and he doesn't have to be good in all subjects. We humans have strengths and weaknesses.

The shirt and hair ‘issues’ are just him being a teenager (unless he actually appears unkempt).

History may not be his strongest subject - but if he’s good at school in general, no reason why he should be the last one in his class. Has he been told the value of having to work hard at things he finds difficult? Or is he only good at certain subjects / activities because they come naturally to him?

But then, someone has to be last and we can’t all be good at everything. Forgetfulness and lack of concentration could be the result of either something like ADHD, or laid back parenting and an ‘easy life’ where he hasn’t had to put in an effort before.

The most important thing is that you say he’s polite and a very nice boy. Those are qualities I want my children to have first and foremost. To be respectful and caring towards others.

He sounds normal!

Does he have a paper diary/planner at school? If not then this would help. Drop an email to his head of year/form tutor to ask the teachers to remind him to note down hwk and due dates of work in the planner. His parents need to help him check through what he has to get done every evening and plan his time we'll

Remember that organisation is a learnt behavior and although he seems quite grown up, he's never had to deal with this before secondary school.

Many thanks to all who responded. This is very reassuring.

Would be very useful if mums who had experience with ADHD or ADD send their views.

He might just be forgetful 🤷🏼‍♀️ I am, and was at school. You can teach kids strategies to be more organised rather than trying to diagnose ADHD or similar.

Having had a similar aged DD go though the hoop jumping that is the autism assessment process, I think you will be given short shrift if you try to get your DGS assessed for ADHD etc on the basis of him being a bit scruffy and last in History - at least on the NHS.

He sounds normal enough. I wouldn't worry at all.

Sounds like me in school. I have dyslexia and dysbraxia although I also suspect I have ADHD but have never been diagnosed.

I would suggest they get him assessed as the school will be able to help him.

But can also be normal. Get a diary I can't survive without one

Also, you say he doesn’t follow instructions, but he does, if they tell him to sort his hair etc and he does it.

He sounds like a completely normal 12yo to me.

I'm still chasing ds, 14, to comb his hair before he goes to school.

Only one post before someone suggests ADHD <eyeroll>

He sounds like a totally normal 12 year old to me. Let's not forget, he's recently moved from Primary to Secondary school, so probably has more to think about. Most boys his age aren't arsed about brushing their hair or being especially well turned out. He's also pushing boundaries which again, is totally normal at his age.

Concern from both parents and teachers about memory issues/forgetfulness, concentration and inattentiveness is what sounds similar to ADD (not that it absolutely is, and this definitely couldn’t be mistaken for an assessment, let alone a diagnosis), not scruffiness or failing history.

It would be dependent on if he's always been like that too and much more.

Just a thought to explore with professionals. Worst case scenario, it's not a concern but it's not the end of the world if it is.

As an ADHD/ASD Mum, ADHD did cross my mind, but maybe it's just how he is right now? Connected with potential ADHD, I suggest you consider how he is not following instructions. One of mine has working memory difficulties. If you give them more than one instruction at a time, they can only take on board one and will forget the rest, which looks like not listening.
Example: "Take your bowl to the bench and go and have a shower". They might do the first, and not the second. It works better if you say, "Take your bowl to the bench." They do that. Then you say, "Go have a shower." If he has working memory difficulties being giving a list of homework tasks might not stick in his head. There are ways around it but you need to know it's happening first.

Just an idea.