When do you stop forgiving? When does self respect override forgiveness?

[Rachell1]

Well, to cut to it…

Myself and my partner have young children and whenever we argue (which is typically over nothing - he just nit picks over anything and everything sometimes), he always says the same hurtful things…

’I don’t want you’
’If it wasn’t for the kids I wouldn’t be with you’
etc etc….

I’m quite a sensitive person and I immediately start crying for hours and hours until he apologises and reassures me that he doesn’t mean it!

But I suppose I’d like some opinions… or advice… don’t really know why i’m here to be honest.. just not sure if it’s normal for him to be so spiteful with his words at times

That sounds like a bit of a toxic dynamic. What kind of stuff does he not pick? What's the average week like in your home?

An apology is not a genuine apology if the behaviour is repeated.

Yes so a bit more background..

He has got a bit of ocd when it comes to keeping the house clean. With a toddler it just isn’t always easy. Plus I have a heart condition so I can find simple tasks quite challenging and tiring. He never remembers this though so if there is a few hand prints on the windows, clothes laying on bathroom floor after kids shower etc he will often start an argument over things like that.

Arguing isn’t a daily thing but it is regular in that when the next one comes round it feels so repetitive and draining.

I must say, he works 6 days a week and never EVER gets any time for himself which I understand is hard. Also… financially right now is a worrying time for us (he is self employed). So there is a lot on him and I do understand that he just wants to come home to a super clean house with dinner on the table etc and 9/10 he does get that. Buuut there are times like I say, where my tiredness takes it toll and I just let things slip. I just want to order a bloody takeaway and not have to turn the house into a showroom before he gets in ready to inspect!!! (Not literally but you probably know what I mean).

I could rattle off 10+ more of his nit picking over the top ways but we’d be here forever!

You can forgive (for your benefit rather than stewing on it) and leave the bastard, ie: prevent him doing it again. It's not a healthy dynamic at all.

What is it you're looking to forgive exactly? His continued nastiness and toxicity?

By repeatedly forgiving him you are showing him, and in turn your children, that his behaviour is acceptable.

Set your bar higher, and tell him to leave.

What is your financial/housing position?