Oh dear have I dug myself a hole?

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I'm part of a sports club. 200+ members but since I became single 18 months ago, I've become part of a group of single members who fairly regularly socialise outside the club. These are now some of the most important people in my life.

A man has recently split from his wife and was quite vocal about how his MH is suffering as a result. He was invited out with our group (not by me) and has been out with us quite a few times now. He's a bit odd, wants to talk about his MH a lot and is feeling very hard done to, but I think he's basically OK.

I've had a card and a Christmas present from him, with a very nice note thanking me for being there when he was at his lowest and for inviting him into my home - some of our meet ups started at my house with drinks. The present is something connected to the sport and really too expensive for a token thank you.

I don't know if he's done this for others in the group. I've no interest in getting "involved"with this poor broken man, but am happy to be kind to him as part of the wider friendship group. I know how he feels though because the group was/is a great support for me too, although i havent bought them presents! What's going on?! Is he just feeling a bit sad and grateful or is he making some sort of play?

I am sorry OP I can’t answer your questions but I wanted to suggest that this man could consider Andy’s Man Club. They are a support group with for men with mental health issues and have branches all over the country. They meet up weekly for a cuppa and a chat. A friend whose husband has depression cannot speak highly enough of them.

Has he bought presents and/or written thank you cards to any of the men in the group? I think it sounds like he’s lining you up as a replacement.

In your position I would thank him for his kind words, agree that everyone in the group is wonderfully supportive, point out that you’ve done nothing that the others haven’t done and, most importantly, tell him that you cannot accept his gift as it is too much, it makes you feel uncomfortable and you don’t want to feel like anything is expected of you because you’ve accepted it. And if he tries to insist, don’t let him fob you off. Keep telling him that it makes you feel uncomfortable.

That's a good idea, thank you

This does sound a bit dodgy.

In your position, I would be very uncomfortable with this and would be wondering what he’s expecting in return.

Can you ask a few others in the group whether they got the same treatment?