How to pull myself out of depression?

[Appalonia]

I can feel myself sinking into it and don't know how to stop it deepening. This might sound silly, but since I heard about Terry Hall's death on Monday night, I've been really tearful. I was a teenager in Coventry during that era and The Specials were a big part of my life then and gave me pride in my city during a very difficult time with mass unemployment and race riots. I used to get bullied at school and nearly got beaten up for being a " n*** lover" for having black boyfriends. I've been listening to some of their songs on Youtube and it takes me right back to that time, like it was yesterday.

But, that's just the catalyst really. I lived in London for over 20 years, I had a good job, friends and did lots of interesting things there. I moved back to Coventry due to being made redundant and my dad needing care as he had dementia and was going blind. At the same time, my mum had had a severe stroke and was left paralysed, unable to talk or swallow food and was lying incapacitated in bed in a care home for over 4 years. It was a v lonely, stressful time for me and I lost a lot of London friends, as My life was so constricted and so alien to the lifestyle I used to have and I felt like I'd been forgotten or that pp just couldn't relate to me anymore.

My dad passed away before Covid, but I've just not been able to restart my life since then. I don't know many pp here and pp have their own established lives and families. I've tried getting involved with things here, but really I just feel so lonely and that I'm just On my own. It's so different to London and the things I enjoyed doing there just don't exist here. I'm 57 and I'm so so tired, I have no purpose anymore and wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up. Christmas just brings it home to me that I'm on my own. Sorry for the long, self pitying thread, I know lots of pp have it much worse, just feel v despondent tonight.

I'm so sorry.. it seems like hearing of Terry Hall's death has been a catalyst to you remembering so much of your past.. you have a lot of life yet to live, please TRY & get an appt for help..
Is going back to London impossible?

I’m sorry to hear this. It sounds like you have had a lot happen. Maybe you need to get some help rather than just thinking you have to pull yourself out of it. It’s hard to ask for help.
When I have been through bad times talking to people helps. Is there anyone you can talk to?

I'm sorry that you are struggling OP. Please try and get some professional help and don't try to "pull yourself out of it" because you can't. You're ill and need to take care of yourself. Are you on any medication for depression? If not then you should be.

You sound like you have an incredible attitude to want to take charge of your own mental health. All credit to you on that, but you should probably get help too.

Can you afford private counselling? Unfortunately the NHS wait would be too long I'd imagine. Do go to the gp anyway, could it be menopausal?

I'm guessing you know the research on what helps with depression - exercise, sleep, getting outdoors, etc. Do what you can but don't beat yourself up if you can't manage.

You've indicated it's your lifestyle that's causing you distress, and have made an effort to change it but nothing has worked. Do you still have friends in London? Would moving back there be out if the question?

How do you feel about your job? Is it your passion, or could it be with some tweeks?

Any hobbies you like that have groups you could join, or volunteering? It's so much easier to make friends or at least companionable acquaintances when you've a shared purpose.

Short term - Talk to your GP and as soon as you can. Is there a friend you can confide in in the meantime? You've gone through enormous difficult changes and what you're experiencing isn't an unusual reaction to all that stress.
Longer term - Can you go back to some sort of job now and perhaps move back to London?

Thanks for all the kind replies. Yes I think I do need to see the GP, maybe getting on anti depressants will help. Unfortunately I just can't afford to move back to London, so just trying to make the best of where I am now.

You have been through so much, I am really sorry to hear about your losses, It's always magnified at Christmas. Definitely get to your GP and tell them what you have said here so you can get some proper support and rebuild things. Sending hugs OP.

Really basic things but do you take vitamins? I swear by high dose Vitamin C daily. Eating well - no processed sugary carb dense food, lots of protein and fruit/veg. And gentle exercise... even just a slow walk outside can lift your mood.

I really struggle in winter due to the light, and if my diet changes, I sink like a stone. I hope you feel better soon

Sounds like you’re grieving to me and that this recent event has triggered lots of unprocessed grief about past events too. Depression is a normal part of grieving. Do you have anyone you can talk to to help you keep moving through the process rather than getting stuck in depression? Or maybe try journalling - get all the stories and thoughts and feelings out. Finding your anger is a good entry out of depression and way to restore your energy too.

Thanks, yes unprocessed grief makes sense. I think that's why Terry Hall's death has triggered an outpouring of grief, loss and sadness that's been locked inside for a long time. I'm shocked at how much I've cried these last few days, I've not cried for a long time and now I can't stop.

London is a no go and Coventry is full of bitter sweet memories, so where next? Is there anywhere or anything that makes your heart beat even ever so slightly faster?

You are a couple of years younger than me so I know how you feel, physically if not mentally, but you do have time on your side to build the life you want now.

Oh OP, I feel for you so much, I've been there as well. Loneliness is such a horrible feeling. Social support and love is a need just like food or water. Sending support.

What's your favourite memory of living in Coventry?

OP how are you?

sorry I didn't reply yesterday, I was/am feeling the same.