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Original poster

Stranded - struggling so much with anxiety

36 replies

workiskillingme · 20/12/2022 19:02

Hi all
Just a quick one. My anxiety is stupidly high right now. Just come back from a weekend away. No prob getting there. Just had panic attacking driving along the motorway. Managed to breathe enough to not pass out and get off at next junction.
Decided to book hotel for the night rather than drive when it's dark and stressful but now I'm really worrying again that I'm going to struggle I don't even want to get on the motorway. I feel utterly stranded .
Has anyone had this before and how did you deal with it? Many thanks

OP posts:
GibKev · 20/12/2022 19:05

You did the right thing by getting off the motorway and getting a room! Be proud of that fact you put your health and that of others in your mind!

As for you driving back, tomorrow itll be bright and hopefully you will have a good nights sleep and a clear mind.

As an anxiety and depression sufferer I try to look at the positives and use small wins as motivation.

If you have someone you can talk to, even if its on the phone do it. Try to clear that mind and have a laugh.

OutingMyself · 20/12/2022 19:06

I have been in this exact situation and I feel your pain. I got up at 5am and drove when it was just getting light and no one else was on the road.

Then I didn't do any motorway journeys for years. Then I had cbt and psychotherapy.

Can you research a non-motorway route home? I think you can plan it into Google maps. Or just plan it in short bits and keep rejigging it?

JoyeuxNarwhal · 20/12/2022 19:18

Google maps will give you a non-motorway route so you can continue your journey without that particular stress at least. Unless you're at the services in a hotel in which case you'll have to go back on at least until the next junction I think?
I hate driving on the motorway at night, find it so much more difficult to judge speed/position of other drivers. I tend to tuck into the inside lane at whatever speed they're doing (around 50/60 usually on the stretch I use). At least then I don't have to worry about getting back over before the next junction and can get off if I need to.
If it's not too patronising I'll say well done for recognising the problem today and taking yourself out of the stressful situation.
Hope you can relax tonight. Best of luck for your onward journey.

Original poster
workiskillingme · 20/12/2022 19:20

Thank you
I feel like such a fucking idiot.
I've driving 20 years and this has only recently started happening

OP posts:
Blowyourowntrumpet · 20/12/2022 19:25

I understand this. You've done exactly the right thing by staying in a hotel tonight. The motorway is much better in daylight. Could you set off early before the traffic builds up? I hope you manage to get something to eat and a good night's sleep. Maybe a nice relaxing bath. If it was me, I'd look at myself in the mirror and say "You can do this".

OutingMyself · 20/12/2022 19:26

I've been driving nearly 30 years, and my hotel experience was 10 years ago. I had been driving fine for 20 years before that. It got worse for me when I had my baby. She was with me when I had to get the hotel 😳 I think the more pressure I had from the outside, the worse it got. Feeling responsible for too many things. Feeling out of control.

You're definitely not an idiot! x

thisisasurvivor · 20/12/2022 19:26

workiskillingme · 20/12/2022 19:20

Thank you
I feel like such a fucking idiot.
I've driving 20 years and this has only recently started happening

Not at alll

You have no control over it

So sorry this happened xxxx

thisisasurvivor · 20/12/2022 19:27

OutingMyself · 20/12/2022 19:26

I've been driving nearly 30 years, and my hotel experience was 10 years ago. I had been driving fine for 20 years before that. It got worse for me when I had my baby. She was with me when I had to get the hotel 😳 I think the more pressure I had from the outside, the worse it got. Feeling responsible for too many things. Feeling out of control.

You're definitely not an idiot! x

After my baby the max speed I could manage was 40 mph

For almost a year

Original poster
workiskillingme · 20/12/2022 19:42

I feel like I never want to go back in the car again

OP posts:
Wronglane · 20/12/2022 19:44

Get back in the car and drive or you never will again. I’ve been there

bigbluebus · 20/12/2022 20:40

It happened to me and I'd been driving for 34 years with no previous problems. Fortunately I was only 30 miles from home and managed to get off the motorway and use A roads to get home (although I stopped 4 times in lay-bys or car parks. I didn't actually realise it was a panic attack at the time - I thought I was having a stroke or heart attack. It was only when I got home and the symptoms disappeared within 5 minutes that I figured out what it was. I made myself drive again the next day even though just looking at the car on the drive started the symptoms off again.

I hate to say i still avoid motorways but am fine driving on other roads.

Original poster
workiskillingme · 20/12/2022 20:55

I will go back the non motorway route
We are still a good two hours away from home and I'm the sole carer of three kids
I feel such an idiot

OP posts:
Titsywoo · 20/12/2022 20:58

Any chance you are peri-menopausal OP? Seems to be a common thing for women who are. I can't drive on motorways for a similar reason - panic is so bad my vision goes funny and it just isn't safe.

Original poster
workiskillingme · 20/12/2022 20:59

Titsywoo · 20/12/2022 20:58

Any chance you are peri-menopausal OP? Seems to be a common thing for women who are. I can't drive on motorways for a similar reason - panic is so bad my vision goes funny and it just isn't safe.

I had a hysterectomy a couple of years back- on hrt

OP posts:
Fedupandanxious · 20/12/2022 21:23

Don't feel like an idiot - you're safe, that's what matters. As a panic attack sufferer I feel your pain - i hate motorways too and often panic on them. Definitely look for the non motorway way home, even if it takes longer. Plenty of places to pull over if needs be. Enjoy a relaxing night in the hotel, remind yourself how incredibly strong you are to be battling through this and travelling anyway. Sending hugs 💐

Fuwari · 20/12/2022 21:29

I don't drive so can't offer much help there but have suffered from panic attacks. What I will say is don't beat yourself up over it and you are not an idiot. You're all safe and you've found an alternate route home. Get back tomorrow and see how you feel then.

I will say though, my Dsis drives and was always a highly confident driver but she recently admitted to me she's losing confidence in driving. She's also menopausal so I suspect this is common.

WaitingOutside · 20/12/2022 21:33

There's nothing to feel like an idiot about. If you felt sick, you would have got off the motorway and booked into a hotel.

Once you've got yourself home, do seek out some help, there's no shame in that and personally I've found CBT to be very helpful with my anxiety.

WaitingOutside · 20/12/2022 21:48

I also have driving anxiety although not panic attacks, which might well make a bit of difference. It started in my 30s and I was lucky that I have a partner who also drives and that helped expose me to driving in anxious situations, but at my pace. So I would only drive on the motorway between two service stations, gradually my husband encouraged me to go to the next services and build up the duration. A sudden family death resulted in a daytime, solo + baby road trip on a 3hr motorway journey home. It was the best thing for me really as it really built my confidence. Exposure therapy works for me, so actually the more driving I do, the less anxious I am. In the beginning I had to force myself through physical symptoms to drive. Of course having a partner who could do 90% of the drive allowing me to do the 10% I could manage was clearly a luxury not everyone has.

10 years later, I confidently drive and park a little city car with zero anxiety. I can also drive our 7 seater with little anxiety although I avoid particiular parking scenarios in that car (multi-story car parks are one!).

Original poster
workiskillingme · 20/12/2022 22:33

Your kindness is making me cry
Thank you so much

OP posts:
WaitingOutside · 20/12/2022 23:57

Bless you OP. You got yourself safe, sleep well and a hearty thumbs up for tomorrow!

CockSpadget · 21/12/2022 00:07

You are not an idiot by any means. Anxiety is a torturous beast. I just want to say you mentioned getting off the motorway before passing out, I know this is a massive fear when you’re having an anxiety/panic attack, but it’s virtually impossible to pass out when you’re having one. To pass out your blood pressure has to drop really low, but while you’re having a PA the adrenaline that’s surging is actually pushing your blood pressure up. I found this out from my CBT therapist and just knowing it helped me massively.

Original poster
workiskillingme · 21/12/2022 06:42

CockSpadget · 21/12/2022 00:07

You are not an idiot by any means. Anxiety is a torturous beast. I just want to say you mentioned getting off the motorway before passing out, I know this is a massive fear when you’re having an anxiety/panic attack, but it’s virtually impossible to pass out when you’re having one. To pass out your blood pressure has to drop really low, but while you’re having a PA the adrenaline that’s surging is actually pushing your blood pressure up. I found this out from my CBT therapist and just knowing it helped me massively.

That's interesting to know...

OP posts:
Joshanddonna · 21/12/2022 06:53

Use the A roads. Find some great music or podcasts and you’ll be fine. If you start to feel anxious play a game - you can do the five things I can see, smell and touch one. Or finding things which start with each letter of the alphabet. The other thing I do is I plan to redecorate or redesign my house - I go room by room in my mind and it really distracts me from negative thoughts - obviously money is no object in this game!
Vicks under my nose helps regulate my breathing if I’m stressed.
Sweets!
Maybe have a look if there is a good place to pop in and visit on the route back or a coffee shop for lunch.
Divide it into hour slots or even half hour slots and take lots of breaks.
Put on some music and sing like a diva?!
You will be grand. It’s really ok and you just need to breathe the anxiety away.

Joshanddonna · 21/12/2022 06:56

Also you’re not stranded! Try not to think that. You took a sensible break.
Three hours away is nothing. It’s really just 6 half hours and half hour is nothing.
Just do the first half hour and the rest will fly.

Joshanddonna · 21/12/2022 06:57

Also - sorry I’ll go soon - I have to go Christmas shopping. But also - phone a friend for a catch up or family member. That’s a great distraction.