Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

My daughter visiting ex mother in law

7 replies

mpsssm · 20/12/2022 14:03

I am divorced due to my ex committing a crime that means he can only have supervised contact with our daughter. My daughter and I were not victims in this. I currently supervise all contact, which is very rare.

My daughter is 12 with some SEN, she has suspected ASC and maturity wise is around 10.

My ex lives 200 miles away with his dad. His mum lives near him. I imagine that she must be as upset by the actions of her son as I am.

His mum is in good health and goes on multiple holidays a year... I highlight this to show she has money and can travel.

Every school holiday she wants to see my daughter. She doesn't mention this to me directly but through my daughter.

In the past I have either gone to stay in ex's home town or driven half way and passed my daughter over to ex mil.

However, I simply cannot afford to stay this time, or the petrol really to go half way. Also my own parents are ill and I care for them.

I have said my mother in law can come up here and either stay with me or in a nearby hotel. She can then do what she likes with my daughter whilst here. She doesn't want this. She wants daughter to stay with her and me to drive half way.

My daughter does want to see her grandma... But would prefer her to come here. She says it's awkward on her own. She also doesn't see the point of travelling all that way and not seeing her dad (he's working throughout Christmas).

Everyone else I know who is divorced does not have this as they have an ex who can facilitate contact. Mine can't even do the travel. His mum would just ignore the no unsupervised contact rule but I'm not prepared to do that.

What would you do? I know I've left this late but I work full time with a child with additional needs and parents who to be frank I didn't think would see Christmas so made no plans as such.

I feel so guilty.

OP posts:
SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 20/12/2022 14:15

Have a frank conversation with her. Explain that your DD wants to see her, that you want them to have a relationship but you cannot afford to continue to do the travelling. If she wants to see her GD she can make arrangements to travel down to see her. It's that simple. You just need to see it for what it is... as in you don't have to appease the woman!

picklemewalnuts · 20/12/2022 14:21

She is lucky you facilitate contact at all. You are not obliged to.

NWQM · 20/12/2022 14:27

I am so sorry that you are feeling guilty and that clearly this is distressing you. Please try and take comfort in the fact that your daughter would also prefer to not go. You are prepared to welcome her grandmother - simply keep saying that.....'you are welcome here on x days, welcome to stay or welcome to book into x. Granddaughter would love to see you.' You will not regret spending time with your parents. They are your priority this year. If MiL cant see that then please know its just tough. You are balancing everything and being fair.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

EL8888 · 20/12/2022 14:37

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 20/12/2022 14:15

Have a frank conversation with her. Explain that your DD wants to see her, that you want them to have a relationship but you cannot afford to continue to do the travelling. If she wants to see her GD she can make arrangements to travel down to see her. It's that simple. You just need to see it for what it is... as in you don't have to appease the woman!

All this. You have other commitments and are spread thinly. If she’s well enough to go on holiday then she is well enough to come visit her

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 20/12/2022 14:38

Why not suggest dd face- time her dgm? Make it instead of real meet ups. They are not your duty to facilitate.. Dd needs to knowhow much fuel costs are. And that the road goes both ways.
And dgm is a tight bitch..
OK maybe miss that part off but it's true!

thejadefish · 20/12/2022 16:33

No need to feel guilty. Agree with PPs, say you can't afford it and probably also worth mentioning your other commitments/your parents as its a time issue too. She can come visit you and/or face time. If she's a reasonable person she'll understand. If not, well, it's unfortunate but you simply can't afford the time or petrol money anymore.

mpsssm · 21/12/2022 08:58

Thankyou, I have messaged her (she didn't answer the phones), to explain the situation. I think both of us are really still hurting over the actions of my ex

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page