What final moment ended your relationship? We’re separating after Christmas.

[countingdowntoxmass]

I organised a dinner on Saturday with two other couples. He decided instead to go out for a drink with his mates. Came home at 2am. “Sorry I got carried away”

Its over. It’s the final straw. We’re seeing Christmas out together and then we’ll be selling our house in January.

That's all you can do - decide to move forward in the way that suits you best. I've realised I'm a better person - less anxious, stressed and angry since deciding to split from my H. Life now looks interesting - good luck!

I think I just realised that I could barely stand to be in the same room as him. Hit me like a ton of bricks.

We have the same disagreement each year about Christmas presents and paying for them and I went to try to bring the issue up and just realised I no longer care and I will let it go because next year we will not be having the argument. He thinks I’ve suddenly become quite relaxed as I’ve let so much go but doesn’t realise that I’ve finally realised he will not change and I need to leave.

My ex husband did horrendous things to me. Think of it and hes done it. I was so ill and beaten down that I just existed. I eventually got the right kind of therapy and got better, healthier, and my confidence came back slowly. Whilst I was starting to put my ducks in a row, I still thought occasionally he would change, it's better than being alone, etc.

Then, Christmas day, he slept in hungover and ate his meal like a pig. Down in seconds. No attempt at conversation and said no when my youngest asked to play with his toys. He changed the TV channel from the bbc kids panto to a documentary about prisoners of war????

He bought me a vile underwear set, and the only thing he said to me that morning was 'get them on soon' whilst we were meant to be spending time with the kids. Sex was degrading and abusive and i knew i couldnt go through with it one more time...I lost the plot and kicked him out there and then. I called the police to get him out and he went to a hotel (supposedly) god knows where. That was the end. Best thing I ever did.

Im a completely different person now.

Being woken up in the middle of the night, dragged out of bed and then slapped in the face in front of my children who were woken up by him shouting.

Culmination of a lot of abuse and I just just remember thinking that if I didn’t call the police after this, what was I thinking and what would ever make me do it?

Saddest and best thing I ever did. We have a happy, respectful and calm house now.

Previous long term relationship. It didn’t end when this happened but it was the first of many tiny cuts until it was finally over. I should have walked much sooner. This still rankles me years later.

I was really unhappy in my job. My work place was toxic. On Fridays I’d cry with relief because the week was over and on Sunday nights I’d cry because Monday was fast approaching. My self esteem was in the toilet. I was desperate to settle down, and be in a position to save up a house deposit. I was nearly 30 and all my friends seemed to have good jobs, amazing salaries and buying places. My boyfriend had a very good salary and was always making digs that he was able to save lots of money towards a house deposit each month. I was trying desperately to get another job so I could have some space to figure out what I wanted to do with my career and finally be in a position to start saving so we could buy together.

A job came up in the organisation my boyfriend worked for which was a direct fit for my skills and experience. I got an interview and it seemed to go really well. If I got the job I would be on a similar salary to him. It really felt like a door might be opening up.

The day after the interview I got a call from the organisation’s HR asking if they could take up my references. I was confused by this and asked if I was being offered the job. They wouldn’t tell me but said the hiring manager would be in touch. I was really anxious as where I worked was so toxic that if they even got a whiff you were trying to leave they’d make your life hell, so I really didn’t want them to take up references unless I was getting an offer. It was Friday, and by the end of the day I had still not heard anything.

I spent all weekend stewing, wondering why they wanted to take references and if I was being offered the job. My boyfriend was non-committal, told me not to worry about it and to just wait and see. Afterall, he said, there’s no point doing your references if they aren’t going to offer you the job. He went out with his mates from work for drinks at the weekend.

On Monday I got a call from the hiring manager to tell me I hadn’t got the job and that they’d appointed internally. I later found out (indirectly) that it was one of my boyfriend’s mates who’d got the job. The drinks he’d gone to at the weekend were to celebrate. He had let me stew all weekend knowing full well the whole time I hadn’t got the job.

Coming home to him insisting I watch a YouTube video of some conspiracy theorist ranting on & following me around saying “baaaaa ba(saying I was a sheep) & yes Boris, no Boris” all the time. When I said no to the video, he turned it
up. This was the final straw for me after putting up with many many more ridiculous things - moaning, shouting, terrible at arguing, wanting to be too dog in everything & the list goes on.

2 years later, he still wants a reconciliation & it’s a big no from me, I feel so much better.

Been dating a while, semi serious, had long term promise, we’d been sort of friends before.
Arranged a weekend date, time etc. He was going to pick me up, we were going out then I’d be staying at his.
I sat in my house waiting to be picked up with my overnight bag packed, and he never came, texted or called. Decided then to end it.
Heard the next day he was just too ‘tired’.

What was the issue and are you more relaxed now ?

@whattodo1975 it was about me saving all year for presents and him saying every year he doesn’t have any money to pay his part and expecting me to cover it. No I’m not more relaxed; I just don’t care and I don’t want to argue yet again over something that won’t change so he might think ok more relaxed but really I’ve just checked out.

Ex DH was emotionally and financially abusive. Many affairs including while i was in hospital almost dead from pre eclampsia after giving birth to our son( The affair was my fault, I was always sick and miserable, he said). Was with him 20 years and thought I had no way out. I woke up one day in a cold sweat and realised I couldnt still be here next year. The thought of it made me feel utterly sick.

I was at work 2 days later when they came around and asked if anyone fancied voluntary redundancy. I had been there 22 years so jumped at the chance. My settlement was more than enough for me and my kids to start again. I kept it all secret( I had to open a bank account as I wasnt allowed access to ours) and make sure the money went in. I told him on our wedding anniversary I wanted a divorce. He laughed and said no and I had no money to go anywhere. I told him about the redundancy then. He went white and dropped to his knees sobbing. He left 2 weeks later without any fuss. I was shocked at the time, but now I know it was just because he was a coward and he had no control over me any more.

When I asked him how long he'd been faithful to one woman and he said "3 1/2" years. After 15+ years of being married to him.

I had accidentally gotten pregnant at 17. Ex made me keep it a secret from his parents and didn't come to the hospital while I had a termination. He said he would kill himself if I didn't terminate the pregnancy. He'd just got accepted to uni, his life was beginning etc. Then made me come on a planned theme park trip a few days later with his parents (his parents didnt know and had paid so he had convinced me I still had to go) where his mother whinged I was using the toilets a lot (bleeding after termination). He then tried to get me to give him a blow job in our room that night at the theme park.

Refused to speak to any of them until I got home and after telling him I'd bite it off. Got called difficult and ungrateful. Ended things quite quickly after that. He went to uni and I got with my husband.

I don't even know why I stayed quiet about it all.

My dog got sick and ultimately had to be put to sleep. I had to take him by myself as STBEH decided it was too difficult for him. I knew walking back to the car holding the dog lead and empty collar that I would never forgive him for making me go through that on my own. That summed up our entire relationship. He could never be bothered, anything and everything was too hard for him. I knew I was on my own so why would I want to carry this man through life when he was never going to carry me when I needed it. I feel much lighter now.

There wasn't a particular moment, just lots and lots of old recentment making me really dislike him to the point of not being able to be in the same room as him. We were married 20+ years, so there is a lot of incidents which I should have left over but thought I was too deep in to leave. Turns out I wasn't, and I am now living a lovely life without him. There hasn't been a single day I have missed him in the 11 months since I left.

Years and years of being ignored, dismissed, manipulated into doing all the grunt work at home and parenting at the expense of my own ambitions whilst he behaved like a single man using up all his free time with his obsessive sport. Resentment killed any feelings for him.

One final memorable moment was when my brother and SIL were sitting at our dinner table, exH made a comment about his mother which for some reason ignited my SIL to launch into a drunken, aggressive tirade at ME screaming for me to shut up, just shut the fuck up (go figure?!?) and he just sat there and said nothing, allowed me to take the abuse and smooth it over. It was uncalled for and completely bizarre. My brother said nothing either.

I realised then that I was on my own. My exH would have fed me to the wolves to avoid conflict and save himself. A completely useless individual as a partner and parent. He needed to go! No regrets. He doesn't see our daughter either which speaks volumes.

‘Carried away, eh?’ Pity it wasn’t in a box.

Hr had a complete melt down because we had run out of orange juice. I got in the car at about midnight to drive to the supermarket to get some ….. it had happened a million times before. Something I did or had not done (usually so minor as to be absurd) would lead for no apparent reason to a complete temper tantrum and I’d end up going to the ends of the earth to ‘fix’ it as if I was in the wrong. I drove half way to the supermarket and thought what the hell are you doing?! Bought the orange juice and went home. Spent a couple of weeks getting ducks in a row, took the day off and moved out while he was a work. Never went back. Never looked back. I can’t believe how I put up with it for so long ….. boiling frog is a real thing.

My catalyst was a Sunday and I had made a sausage casserole for dinner, he announced he didn't like the texture of the sausages and it was disgusting and threw it in the bin! I moved out two days later. It was a small thing in a long line of many years of abuse, tipped me over lol. My amazing Husband now calls it sausagegate haha.

My ex fiancé was a complete dickhead, first 9 months of our relationship were amazing and he proposed after 10 months, it went downhill from there! He became selfish, expected blow jobs or sex every night, resented lending me £3 to get the bus to work telling me I had to pay him back asap, dumped me because he didn't like the colour I once dyed my hair(got back together) constantly messaging other woman and getting pics of them in their underwear, emotionally abusive calling me thick and stupid on a daily basis, telling me I was getting fat and had cellulite, expected me to see his family every week but would never visit mine, made me drive him to pub every week and attend his football matches, final straw came when I wanted to spend the evening with my friend at her house, he resented driving me and said if i wanted picking up then I had to pay him petrol money. Friends boyfriend dropped me back and I dumped him that evening, packed my stuff and went back to live with my parents. Best thing I ever did and so glad I never married or had kids with him!