Back story - I'm late fifties with four children, all teens and young adults, two still at home. Happily married. My childhood was abusive and chaotic - mum was an alcoholic and violent, dad just tried to go along with her. As the oldest I was the scapegoat - there was some bad physical violence and a lot of mental stuff - cutting up a favourite dress in front of me - ringing friends parents and being abusive so they never asked me again - all very sad. I've had a lot of therapy which has been amazing. I left as soon as I could.
My siblings weren't so lucky. Two of them have substance abuse issues and one has just had a liver transplant due to cirrhosis. She's a single parent with no friends nearby so I've been driving up and down every week for a few days (its 3 hours each way) to visit her and look after 17 year old dniece. Transplant went wrong and we were told to prepare for her death. Amazingly she pulled through and although a long way to go, shes improving.
My issue is that my parents have done - nothing. They refuse to visit, they say they have no money to give her or her dd. They didn't call for 2 weeks. They relied on me to keep them updated until they got annoyed that I had been given as the next of kin - now they have asked the hospital to update them only and are refusing to pass any information on to me. They are angry with me. They haven't even asked me how their granddaughter is. They've not offered to have her for xmas. And yet they are shouting on the phone if I ask for help saying there is nothing they can do. They are late 70s and seem to be fixated on never leaving the house - my mum is a mad antivax conspiracy theorist and last I heard neither of them had been vaccinated. In fact one of the reasons not to visit is that mum believes it's all a big pharma plot and dsis never needed a transplant in the first place 🤔
My dsis is struggling mentally with the fact that they didn't come and visit. She's totally fixated on it. I don't know what to do or say to help.
My dh has been brilliant driving the kids around at home, holding the fort. His own df passed away a couple of months ago and I haven't had time to support him or my lovely MIL. Apart from anything else it's cost a fortune in petrol, train tickets, parking costs and buying food for dniece and so our Christmas is a bit sad because of that - not that my kids mind, they've been very understanding and kind. Thanks for listening.