Feel guilty about spending DLA

[DLAGuilt]

I've name changed for this. My child has been awarded middle rate DLA which I'm very grateful for. So far I have received a lump sum payment and a letter telling me I'm the trusted representative to look after this money. My plan is to spend some of it on additional lessons for my child to assist with their learning. I'll still have some left over each week. But I feel guilty for using it towards things I have already been doing. I'm not particularly well off but I'm managing ok at the moment. My child has a savings account and so far I've stuck all payments in there incl CB when I haven't needed it for my child's clothes etc.

I don’t think you should feel guilty. Things are often more expensive with a disabled child. Being awarded DLA is an acknowledgment of that. The money is supposed to help make your child’s day to day life better not be squirrelled away( although some savings are nice!) whether that is directly through extra classes to help them or transport to medical appointments or indirectly by having heating on a bit more for example or having cake together in a cafe.

This is money that is needed to support your child in their day-to-day living. The fact that you can afford the extras out of your income is irrelevant. It may well be that by saving some of their DLA they will end up with a little nest egg for when they reach adulthood and need other things in life that may not come as easily to them as it does to others. Do not lose sleep over this, your Dc is entitled to their DLA, and you’re entitled to use it as you see fit in order to support them.
if you do feel anxious, why not just use the DLA for anything related to your child rather than your own salary, and set up a savings account out of your salary for them?

One thing to bear in mind that if you child has a learning disability and is never likely to achieve independence (apologies, this may not apply) it is not normally a good idea to let savings over £2500 build up in their name
www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2021/11/victory-for-the-vulnerable--families-can-finally-access-child-tr/

This is what my mum says to put towards the heating as I heat their bedroom separately through the night to keep it warm as it does get chilly in there. I will still save some of it for them as my plan was to use it towards school trips etc. I do use more fuel taking my child out and doing things as they get overwhelmed staying in all day so we are always out. I just can't shake this guilty feeling, it's like I'm doing something wrong.

@Wheretheskyisblue thank you for this. It's very handy to have. It is the case they may never achieve independence. Their funds are all linked to my accounts i.e. I have instant access to the majority of their savings. The only one I don't matures every year and pays to their linked savings account each December.

We do as most people do and put it in the family pot. Raising a child with a disability always costs more. I would be careful about putting it into a savings account in the child's name because this can effect access to benefits when the child is older.

please don’t feel guilty . The money is to help with your child’s additional expenses and to improve their lives .You are being very thoughtful how you spend it .

Yes be careful about any savings in your child’s name.

No reason to feel guilty. If it were me I would use it for things like helping towards heating the family home or helping pay for trips you take with your child with no guilt.

I spend DLA on things that if I didn't have a disabled child I wouldn't be spending the money on.

My DS has ASD and ADHD, it gets spent on things like a cleaner as day to day I struggle to keep on top of things, repairing damage he's done to the house, sensory items. Some goes towards heating at the moment because I'm having to wfh because he's not in school. Please don't feel guilty, it's hard enough having a disabled child.

It's a living allowance to help with additional living expenses. It's laudable to put some aside in savings on the basis that there might be a large ticket Item or expense that needs to be paid for, but don't feel bad about spending it on actual living.

What did you think the Dla was for? Of course it's for your childs living expenses and day to day costs. Please be careful with savings like a pp pointed out that can be problematic.

Just goes into the family pot here.

@Mrsjayy to be honest I only applied because of a different thread I started on here. It sounds silly as my child is in need but I never really expected it to come through and if it did I assumed it was going to be the lower rate. I guess for me too it is really facing the reality of what my child's future may look like and I'm not ready to do that yet. I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound insensitive.

Exactly, I didn't think the point of it was to save it.

Oh that sounds tough on you the realisation I mean, DLA is a supplement to extra life expenses don't feel 1 bit of guilt in spending it, fwiw I've had vacations of Dla most of my life and I've used it for all sorts.

Dla is suppose to be for their day to day needs. I'd be careful saving it they might question it.

You don't have to spend it all every month and of course you can keep money by for stuff and things. Just don't let it build up.

@adhdpunchbag sorry to derail. I’ve just applied for my son also Asd/adhd I was wondering ( don’t feel you need to tell me) what rate you get. I know it differs given the child’s needs but I’m still waiting on a decision.

op use the money if you need it, don’t feel guilty at all otherwise why would they give you it.

No point what one child gets may completely differ to the next child even with the same diagnosis. Just wait and see.

nobody can tell you what rate your child might get as ,as you said it's based on need,s not diagnosis ,my child gets HRC and HRM under SMI rules he has severe autism and learning disabilities,

O p DLA can be spent on anything that benefits the child ,including utility bills etc.

Thank you all. Honestly it has been a huge help. I didn't expect to receive anything but the lower rate so I could get regular SALT sessions as the NHS are so far behind.

I will use towards our every day living to improve his life and comfort. It has been a huge help starting this thread as I was concerned about how to use the money when the DWP letter is so formal about responsibilities and so forth.

"Dla is suppose to be for their day to day needs. I'd be careful saving it they might question it."

They won't question it. They do not become involved in how it is or isn't spent. It becomes an issue when the child is an adult because it will count as savings if in the child's name.

I echo the issue of savings, certain benefits (not dla) are income dependent and affected by savings. Dsd lives in supported housing and any money she has, including inheritance has to be dealt with very carefully - there's a trust benefitting her mostly set up for when she inherits

I completely understand your mixed feelings. On the one hand the money is welcome and necessary. On the other hand it is bittersweet to get an official, formal recognition of your child’s needs. Please don’t feel guilty about spending the money.