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Original poster

Please talk some sense in to me!… Motorway driving after accident

18 replies

Gwdihooooo · 19/12/2022 22:33

My dh was in a really serious car accident on the motorway 4 days ago. A van ran in to the back of him while he was stationary, it knocked him into the middle lane and he was hit again on the drivers side. None of it was his fault and the paramedic reckons he only survived because he was in a van himself.

I am due to drive for 2 hours on the motorway tomorrow evening with my dc in the car and I’m so so anxious! I’m considering not going but then my dc will be gutted not to see their cousins for a few days and we’re have lots of nice christmas things planned.

Please talk some sense in to me. I’ve never been a nervous motorway driver

OP posts:
ChristmasBloomingChristmas · 19/12/2022 22:36

Oh love, that sounds so traumatic. I can understand why you'd not want to drive. Can you find a way which doesn't involve motorways? Or if not then take it slow, ask the kids to be super sensible and calm in the car, put on summer quiet music and give yourself a big hug and then off you go. The end result, your kids the fun stuff you've got planned, will be worth it. Have strength.

Original poster
Gwdihooooo · 19/12/2022 22:40

Thank you. Yeah it was awful! I can’t stop thinking about it! Dh is pretty broken and it’s going to be at least 6 months of recovery. I’m just trying to remind myself that he is here and able to recover!

We do soo much motorway driving that I’d hate for it to become an issue

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RockingMyFiftiesNot · 19/12/2022 22:41

I've been in an accident and know it is really hard to drive again at all, let alone drive without being petrified it's going to happen again. I just kept reminding myself how many thousands of miles I'd driven safely and tried to keep my mind on the road rather than on my worries. It wasn't easy but it worked, and after a few months I managed to stop being scared. I think the most important thing is to continue driving. The longer you put it off, the harder it will be
Good luck x

Original poster
Gwdihooooo · 19/12/2022 22:42

It’s an extra hour if I don’t use the motorway and goes through 3 major cities… one of which Liverpool and through the tunnel.

I’ve looked at trains but worried about reliability at the moment

OP posts:
Original poster
Gwdihooooo · 19/12/2022 22:44

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 19/12/2022 22:41

I've been in an accident and know it is really hard to drive again at all, let alone drive without being petrified it's going to happen again. I just kept reminding myself how many thousands of miles I'd driven safely and tried to keep my mind on the road rather than on my worries. It wasn't easy but it worked, and after a few months I managed to stop being scared. I think the most important thing is to continue driving. The longer you put it off, the harder it will be
Good luck x

Thank you.

My husband’s accident happened 3hrs from home and I had to collect him from the Hosp. So we did a 3hr motorway journey together the day after his accident.

I think it’s because I will have the kids in the car. Makes me more anxious as it’s me putting them in that position

OP posts:
ChristmasBloomingChristmas · 19/12/2022 22:46

It is you putting them in that situation, but it is also you who keeps them as safe as possible. You always have done and you always will. As someone else said think of all the driving you have done and all the safe miles and miles you've travelled.

Original poster
Gwdihooooo · 19/12/2022 22:47

Thank you x

OP posts:
formulatingAresponse · 19/12/2022 22:47

Keep in the left lane, keep to the speed limit, leave plenty of space between the car in front, if someone pulls into that gap just create a new gap. Don't let the DC stress you out in the back. Play the radio and focus on the car in front and the road signs.

Have a lovely time with your family

CowsInFields · 19/12/2022 22:51

@Gwdihooooo totally understandable why you feel this way.
When my dh had an accident (and was told he was lucky to be barely injured) it was worrying and did make motorways seem scary. I've never liked motorways (think part of it is we had to use motorways for school-and seeing accidents always left me feeling anxious).
As pp have said, trying to feel calm and ensuring kids remain calm will help a lot.
Also, I think stopping at services when you feel you just need a quick time out will help. I travel approx 3 hours with dc to visit family, and when it gets a little tense (the usual when are we going to get there, a break tends to help).
Hope you have a lovely trip Smile

gogohmm · 19/12/2022 22:55

Completely understandable but try to keep it in perspective, how many years have you both been driving without incidents? Motorways are safer than many other roads too. My now exh was rear ended when stationary on the motorway too, though it was cars in his case, police reckoned the spare tyre saved his life

Original poster
Gwdihooooo · 19/12/2022 22:57

CowsInFields · 19/12/2022 22:51

@Gwdihooooo totally understandable why you feel this way.
When my dh had an accident (and was told he was lucky to be barely injured) it was worrying and did make motorways seem scary. I've never liked motorways (think part of it is we had to use motorways for school-and seeing accidents always left me feeling anxious).
As pp have said, trying to feel calm and ensuring kids remain calm will help a lot.
Also, I think stopping at services when you feel you just need a quick time out will help. I travel approx 3 hours with dc to visit family, and when it gets a little tense (the usual when are we going to get there, a break tends to help).
Hope you have a lovely trip Smile

Thank you. I was just thinking that stopping at services would be a good idea

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CranberryPecan · 19/12/2022 23:02

In my view it's really important that you get straight back in the car, on the motorway and just drive.

We were in a serious accident 15 years ago and DP (who was at the wheel that morning) hasn't driven since. I enabled that; taking pity on him because he was traumatised afterwards. Big regret of mine now the teenagers need driving everywhere, at all hours!

OutDamnedSpot · 19/12/2022 23:08

I was in a very serious accident several years ago and had CBT afterwards to help me to drive again. One of the things I was taught was about grounding myself. The counsellor coached me that if I found myself thinking about the accident to notice three parts of my body that were touching things - my hands on the wheel, my thighs on the seat, heels on the floor, for example. Then to slowly breathe while concentrating on those things. “My hands are slightly clammy, but they are holding the wheel firmly… the wheel is solid…” Obviously you’re still paying attention to everything around you, but also being aware of the solidness of what you’re touching, if that makes sense?

If you do drive tomorrow (and I recommend you do), maybe keep that in the back of your mind, so that if you feel yourself spiralling, you can bring yourself back.

Good luck Flowers

Squeakybits · 19/12/2022 23:22

Hi, obviously this doesn't help whether you can drive tomorrow. But if you do cancel, could you consider contacting a driving instructor, just explain that you'd like them to occompany you for a journey after a car accident. They will have their pedals so it might give you a little bit of comfort knowing there's a bit of back up. I'm not sure if that would be helpful or not.

Could you make a bit of a game? So obviously I don't know your area, but stopping at say 7 shops/garages, in the first shop you all have to buy a treat/snack/drink in red and then continue in other shops, with the other treat from the colours of the rain bow or something? You can set a price limit.

Something to break the journey up and have some kind of excitement about the journey?

Original poster
Gwdihooooo · 20/12/2022 21:25

Thank you all. I but the bullet and drove! All was fine, except stand still traffic because of an accident, which made me uneasy when i passed it! Typical! But always grateful to be in the traffic and not the reason for causing it!

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CowsInFields · 21/12/2022 11:15

@Gwdihooooo good to hear you managed the journey, and well done, it's not easy pushing oneself to do something when anxiety is playing a part.

ChristmasBloomingChristmas · 21/12/2022 11:56

Well done @Gwdihooooo !!! Amazing.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 21/12/2022 22:35

Well done! Hope it becomes easier each time x

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