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Original poster

Gifting someone £40 in secret

46 replies

coffeetofunction · 19/12/2022 20:12

I have a friend that has found themselves in a different situation over Christmas, so I've decided to anonymous gift them £40 to help buy Christmas dinner... What I'm asking is it
A- insulting
B- thoughtful

I'd like to gift more but I'm not able too...

I've also included a little scratch card

I want absolutely nothing for it not nor will I ever tell them it came from me

OP posts:

Greatcheeser · 19/12/2022 21:34

£40 is just the right amount, it's not patronising and when your friend's situation improves it's an amount they can pass on to someone else.

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 19/12/2022 22:47

@MadameMackenzie She didn't say she was struggling to survive and she didn't say she spend it on luxuries. But since the money wasn't given either by you, or to you, why don't you quit with being so judgmental of someone else's life.

givethistokevin · 19/12/2022 22:51

I wouldn't receive an anonymous gift well at all.

The idea that it could be anyone would freak me right out tbh.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Christmas

Furries · 19/12/2022 23:20

I really wouldn’t send it by post - too much risk of it going missing.

EarringsandLipstick · 20/12/2022 06:39

Giving it as a gift then obligates her (even if imaginary) to give a gift of equal value back, or feel bad that she hasn't.

Not necessarily. It didn't in my case. I appreciated what she did, and especially that it was cash, so I could choose to do something of my choice with it.

I would truly hate getting an anonymous gift of money, and I would actually not use it - I'd donate it. I'd feel upset that someone felt they couldn't just give it to me & it would feel more 'charity' than anything else someone could do.

EarringsandLipstick · 20/12/2022 06:42

Someone gave you money because they knew you were short and so you spent it on luxuries for yourself??? When you were struggling to survive????

Can you not read? 🙄

That's not what I said at all. They didn't give me money because I was short. They gave me a gift & choose money because they knew I didn't have much disposable income to spend on myself.

I wasn't 'struggling to survive'. I was struggling being a single parent & at the time was working p/t, so money (for anything extra) wasn't plentiful. I specifically said I was ok.

Honestly what a stupid post.

EarringsandLipstick · 20/12/2022 06:43

Thanks @Adultchildofelderlyparents 💐

msbevvy · 20/12/2022 06:47

givethistokevin · 19/12/2022 22:51

I wouldn't receive an anonymous gift well at all.

The idea that it could be anyone would freak me right out tbh.

Me too, not knowing where it came from would drive me crazy.

FrostyFox · 20/12/2022 06:57

Someone did this for us years ago and I’ve never forgotten it. OP, I’d ignore the people theorising about how they’d dislike it and listen to those of us who’ve been there.

It HAS to be anonymous. I was pretty sure who mine was from and would have felt totally obligated to pay it back had it not been gifted anonymously. Sure, maybe you’d feel strange or uncomfortable about an anonymous gift but that is better than not having the money or feeling obligated to repay it. PP are forgetting that these are the options and there’s no perfect option - you have to pick the least worst. The point of being anonymous is to be really clear about there being no obligation.

In my case it was just before Christmas and despite both working we were broke for various reasons. Someone put £90 through our door.

I earn a pretty high salary nowadays. I don’t directly know anyone who is struggling so I’ve paid it forward by donating to a local charity that gives non means tested grants to local families.

EarringsandLipstick · 20/12/2022 10:24

OP, I’d ignore the people theorising about how they’d dislike it and listen to those of us who’ve been there.

Like everything else, it's down to personal preference. Some would like to receive anonymously, and some wouldn't.

All OP can do is trust her judgement based on her knowledge of the person (which I think is what she's doing).

givethistokevin · 20/12/2022 10:44

OP, I’d ignore the people theorising about how they’d dislike it and listen to those of us who’ve been there.

You think I haven't been on the bones of my arse be due I would be upset by receiving anonymous money?

This is such an awful attitude to have 'just ignore' - or maybe listen? Consider the receiver and whether or not you think they would be ok with it?

FrostyFox · 20/12/2022 13:11

givethistokevin · 20/12/2022 10:44

OP, I’d ignore the people theorising about how they’d dislike it and listen to those of us who’ve been there.

You think I haven't been on the bones of my arse be due I would be upset by receiving anonymous money?

This is such an awful attitude to have 'just ignore' - or maybe listen? Consider the receiver and whether or not you think they would be ok with it?

No, I’m encouraging the OP to maybe weigh peoples actual experiences of receiving anonymous donations over people just imagining how they might feel with no basis in actual experience of that particular thing.

givethistokevin · 20/12/2022 14:53

Whereas considering the actual person receiving the money may be more sensible?

Telling OP to 'ignore' people who say they may not receive it well is just shutting down a valid point, which may or may not be relevant, but surely consideration is key here?

EarringsandLipstick · 21/12/2022 10:25

givethistokevin · 20/12/2022 14:53

Whereas considering the actual person receiving the money may be more sensible?

Telling OP to 'ignore' people who say they may not receive it well is just shutting down a valid point, which may or may not be relevant, but surely consideration is key here?

Exactly - good point

ihatewinter2 · 21/12/2022 10:33

How kind of you, you sound like a lovely person 🥹

BTMadmummy · 22/04/2023 15:57

What a beautiful thing to do.

I wouldn’t send it through the post though as it may not arrive

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 16:03

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 16:04

No A. Is the anonymousing. Makes it rude

CapaciousHag · 22/04/2023 16:04

This thread is from last Christmas, @BTMadmummy - it’s completely irrelevant now!

What prompted you to resurrect it?

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 16:06

CapaciousHag · 22/04/2023 16:04

This thread is from last Christmas, @BTMadmummy - it’s completely irrelevant now!

What prompted you to resurrect it?

Oh ffs. I did think it was planning a head a bit!

BTMadmummy · 22/04/2023 16:22

CapaciousHag · 22/04/2023 16:04

This thread is from last Christmas, @BTMadmummy - it’s completely irrelevant now!

What prompted you to resurrect it?

It just came up as a similar thread under a different thread I was reading

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