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Original poster

Pregnant and alone this Christmas

15 replies

bg23 · 19/12/2022 15:10

Anyone else?

I feel so sad.

Had to pop to town for some bits today and seeing lots of people walking around with Christmas shopping, families and couples.

Myself and babies Dad aren't together or on good terms. Family lives abroad. Good friends but all have partners/children. Have had a few invites but I feel like I'd be intruding on other families Christmases with their children etc.

I have older children to my ex husband but it is his turn to have them this year so I won't see them from now until Boxing Day.

I have a week alone as I'm off work.

I'm struggling to see the light right now, put a Christmas film on but just lay on the sofa crying. I never thought this would be my life.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 19/12/2022 15:13

If you have invitations then you have people who'd welcome you at christmas. Please consider accepting one of those invitations unless you would actually prefer to spend the day alone. If you prefer to spend it alone you could have a lovely day. What bliss to spend it being totally self-indulgent without having to answer to anyone? When the baby arrives you won't have that luxury.

It's dark and cold and your hormones are going nuts. Please don't let the negative thoughts run away with you.

Original poster
bg23 · 19/12/2022 19:45

I feel that I've been invited out of pity. What couple with children really wants a single pregnant friend hanging around on Christmas Day?

I don't really want to be alone, otherwise I wouldn't be upset about it. I spend a lot of time alone as it is.

It's hard to see everyone else looking happy and feeling like I have no one.

OP posts:
grumpycow1 · 19/12/2022 19:52

Are you on ex husband on good terms? Could you explain and maybe have them back until 23rd? From now til Boxing Day is a long time to be alone. I’d deffo take up the offer from a friend or failing that contact your family abroad and see if you can go see them? If not too far

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Original poster
bg23 · 19/12/2022 20:00

Ex husband won't let me have them, we have a child arrangement order and he's so strict with it.

Family are a 21 hour flight away.

Sorry to sound depressing when I know people are trying to be helpful.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 19/12/2022 20:03

Could you go to one of the people inviting you for either Christmas lunch or one of the other days? I know you’re in a bad place but you don’t know they’re pity invitations and you’re complaining about having to be alone when you don’t have to be. It’s a choice to decline kind offers and be miserable. If they didn’t want you they wouldn’t have invited you so either accept one or more invitation of don’t but if you don’t then you have to acknowledge they’ve offered.

DiaDeLluvia · 19/12/2022 20:03

I really think people have invited you because they want to spend Christmas with you. I love having guests at Christmas. Many people do. Can’t remember the last time I had Christmas with only family.

twoandcooplease · 19/12/2022 20:21

How far along with you?
I agree with pp to go to one of the invites. They are welcoming you because they want you to be with them not alone Flowers

Original poster
bg23 · 19/12/2022 20:30

I'm 26 weeks.

I suppose I just can't see how couples with children would want me hanging around on the day. The people who have invited me aren't having big family Christmases, just themselves and their kids.

I suppose I should just go and stop feeling sorry for myself.

I've had to lean on my friends a lot this pregnancy and I feel like Christmas is now one more burden on every one.

This time last year I was with babies Dad, happy.

OP posts:
anxiousatnight · 19/12/2022 20:37

I have invited my widowed next door neighbour who has no children, very few friends and no family in this country to our family Christmas.

I have not invited her out of pity and I am absolutely thrilled that she is joining us.

Accept one of the invitations.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 19/12/2022 21:17

bg23 · 19/12/2022 15:10

Anyone else?

I feel so sad.

Had to pop to town for some bits today and seeing lots of people walking around with Christmas shopping, families and couples.

Myself and babies Dad aren't together or on good terms. Family lives abroad. Good friends but all have partners/children. Have had a few invites but I feel like I'd be intruding on other families Christmases with their children etc.

I have older children to my ex husband but it is his turn to have them this year so I won't see them from now until Boxing Day.

I have a week alone as I'm off work.

I'm struggling to see the light right now, put a Christmas film on but just lay on the sofa crying. I never thought this would be my life.

I'm so sorry you are feeling so lonely and sad. Christmas seems to really bring these feelings out for so many.
May I suggest volunteering? It could help give you some perspective and reframe the season's true meaning for you. Here's a link to start you off:

londonist.com/london/christmas-in-london/where-to-volunteer-in-london-at-christmas

I also think, like some others here, that you should at least drop by where you've been invited. Go to two or three places for an hour each. Take some baking as a gift. Maybe you'll be swayed to stay for dinner. Take the invitations as from the hearts of those that extended them. Not pity.

Original poster
bg23 · 20/12/2022 08:50

I did think about volunteering but I think I've left it too late.

I do work in a caring profession and do a lot for other people, usually I have a lot of perspective as I see people suffering every day and I know there are SO many people worse off than me...
I think it's just the whole pregnancy and situation tipping me over the edge rn.

What @Mumtobabyhavoc has said is a good idea, maybe popping in a few places for an hour or so each so I don't feel like I'm fully intruding on one family.

OP posts:
Overthebow · 20/12/2022 08:53

If one of my close friends were in your situation I would absolutely want them to come over on Christmas Day. If you don’t want to spend all day there then just go for a couple of hours, but please accept one of the invites!

ehb102 · 20/12/2022 09:20

Speaking as a person with a DH and DC, I love having people over got Xmas. Spending time in a tight little introvert bubble is not my bliss. Other people there make the day much nicer for me. Take your invitation. Bring along flowers and chocolate and nail a smile on your head. Give the little one attention so parents can cook. Everyone will be grateful you are there.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 20/12/2022 19:42

bg23 · 20/12/2022 08:50

I did think about volunteering but I think I've left it too late.

I do work in a caring profession and do a lot for other people, usually I have a lot of perspective as I see people suffering every day and I know there are SO many people worse off than me...
I think it's just the whole pregnancy and situation tipping me over the edge rn.

What @Mumtobabyhavoc has said is a good idea, maybe popping in a few places for an hour or so each so I don't feel like I'm fully intruding on one family.

I understand about feeling lonely at Christmas. So many of us do. Being on your own when you have kids and a difficult ex compounds it. Like others have said, your friends do want you to join them. 😊

DiaDeLluvia · 22/12/2022 09:47

Just remember people spend every day of their lives with their partners and kids. Most of us would WAY rather have a guest than not!

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