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Original poster

Should I try a friendly gesture with our neighbours?

33 replies

highlandslife · 19/12/2022 13:15

DH and I have one 2.5 yo. Due to being born in Covid we missed out on potential opportunities to make friends with other new parents, and I feel like I don't have any friends with DC, plus we don't have any family support. We moved to a new area on London last Spring and in the summer another family moved in the next door apartment. They seem pretty similar to us - similar ages, moved from the same area and also have a 2.5 yo. So far they generally keep themselves to themselves, (as do we) but there are polite chats when we bump into them in the communal hallway, take in a parcel etc and they seem nice.

I was wondering if it would be weird to reach out as it's Christmas and invite them round for a drink with their little one. Was thinking at around 6pm an hour before both toddlers bed?

Would this be a weird thing to do? How would you word the invite so they have a clear get out of they don't fancy it? I wouldn't want them to feel like they had to decline and then keep bumping into us in the building! I know some people just aren't interested in getting to know their neighbours, and to be fair in London people don't generally like to impose. (They are from US if that makes a difference).

I'm a bit socially awkward at all this but it just seems so silly to never be any more friendly as they live next door - we could have things in common.

OP posts:
RachelSq · 19/12/2022 14:12

I’d say do it, maybe as part of a Christmas card?

They might be feeling the exact same as you and no one would judge you in a bad way for asking as it’s a nice thing to do!

SkylightSkylight · 19/12/2022 14:17

I think inviting them over would be nice, it's so close to Christmas though, I'd find a way to do it so that they could come this week if they can, but after Christmas if they can't. Otherwise it might end up being something you'd both like to do, just can't fit it in this week.

could your toddler take a small gift around for their toddler & just chat to them?

even in London, it's a nice idea!!

DuplicateUserName · 19/12/2022 14:18

Oh no, I'm not socially awkward and yet even I'd find this a bit much.

Why not start off a bit slower and less formal by asking her if she can recommend anywhere nice to take the kids after Christmas, like soft play or something and then ask if they want to come along?

That way the kids playing would be an ice breaker and it wouldn't feel so formal?

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TeapotTitties · 19/12/2022 14:19

even in London, it's a nice idea!!

What does that mean?

sotired2 · 19/12/2022 14:20

Why not invite for a coffee one Sunday morning? 6pm and toddlers might not end well as some get very grumpy just before bedtime and added excitement of new people etc might be a tipping point.

Thecrackineverything · 19/12/2022 14:20

TeapotTitties · 19/12/2022 14:19

even in London, it's a nice idea!!

What does that mean?

In London, no one talks to their neighbours or strangers.

Waitingfordecember · 19/12/2022 14:23

It’s a lovely idea but my toddler couldn’t cope with new people right before bedtime… I’d much rather an offer of a play date one morning.

SkylightSkylight · 19/12/2022 14:23

TeapotTitties · 19/12/2022 14:19

even in London, it's a nice idea!!

What does that mean?

It means what it says!!

🙄🙄🙄🙄

SkylightSkylight · 19/12/2022 14:25

Oh & I meant to say, I'd invite them for coffee & cake in the morning, less formal & better time for mist toddlers.

SkylightSkylight · 19/12/2022 14:26

most. Mist toddlers would be less vocal I suppose!

Inkpotlover · 19/12/2022 14:27

Thecrackineverything · 19/12/2022 14:20

In London, no one talks to their neighbours or strangers.

Show quote history

Utter b*llocks. I am close to one NDN, friendly with lots of other people in our street and I have great friends in the wider London neighbourhood where I live. It's such a myth that Londoners don't talk to each other.

Comedycook · 19/12/2022 14:27

Put a Christmas card through their door...in the card give your phone number and say please let us know if you'd like to get together with the kids for a Christmas drink one afternoon/evening.

Balls in their court

Thecrackineverything · 19/12/2022 14:28

Calm down @Inkpotlover . I was referring to the stereotype, which exists.

Inkpotlover · 19/12/2022 14:29

OP, do something Xmassy like bake some biscuits or make a card with your toddler then drop it round together when you know they are in with theirs. How you get on after that will depend on how the kids react to one another!

Inkpotlover · 19/12/2022 14:30

Thecrackineverything · 19/12/2022 14:28

Calm down @Inkpotlover . I was referring to the stereotype, which exists.

Sorry! I thought you were stating it as fact. It's such a lazy stereotype too.

soberfabulous · 19/12/2022 14:31

Comedycook · 19/12/2022 14:27

Put a Christmas card through their door...in the card give your phone number and say please let us know if you'd like to get together with the kids for a Christmas drink one afternoon/evening.

Balls in their court

Exactly this perfect.

Thecrackineverything · 19/12/2022 14:32

I have lived in London. It is the usual mixture of human behaviour as anywhere. Though I think in the street, or on transport, people are less friendly or prone to a chat. I moved north and I did notice the difference.

icantseeyourightnow · 19/12/2022 14:48

If they generally keep themselves to themselves, this might be too much too soon. Personally I'd take a card and a small token gift, like a box of chocolates or something. And then let it grow (or not) from there.

We don't see much of our neighbours but they will take the bin in if we're away or accept packages etc. She did once offer me some seedlings from plants she'd grown but I think if she invited us round for a drink I'd be a bit mortified! I'd rather get to know her a bit better first.

downtonupton · 19/12/2022 14:58

we're still great friends with next door but one because we reached out shortly after they moved in. They looked like the kind of people we wanted to be friends with - we introduced ourselves in the street and said hello in the corner shop for a while, then we popped a note through the door saying to come rod for a drink - we were all a little nervous, but it was great and 14 years later our kids see them like family... we're London too

ToastingToes · 19/12/2022 15:26

An early afternoon in the lull between Christmas and New year might be better timing.
If she's busy in the run up to Christmas, it might make her feel like she's put on the spot.

WoosteriaLane · 19/12/2022 15:31

This would not be unusual at all in the states and if they're here with a baby they're probably a bit on their own this Christmas. It would be a really nice thing to do. Don't add a "get out" just say "if you are free would you like to come to ours Thursday?"

WoosteriaLane · 19/12/2022 15:32

If they're not available that day, they'll just say they aren't available and offer an alternative if they're interested..no drama.

yadaya · 19/12/2022 15:41

Do it!
I'm just getting ready to go round to our neighbours for festive drinks. What started as a nice 'break the ice' type of invitation a few years is now firmly part of our Christmas tradition.

Mumdiva99 · 19/12/2022 15:42

Our neighbour turned up in full santa suit with selection boxes for the kids one year. It was a lovely gesture and made us feel all warm and fuzzy...... Just a chocolate santa, a card and an invite will be great.

MaggieFS · 19/12/2022 15:50

Do it. But I have a 2.5 yo and 6pm can be a nightmare. Could you do 5pm? After tea, but before it's time to make a swift exit.