Stuck in cycle of feeling crap and not looking after myself.

[Bemyclementine]

And I really really want to turn it around.

I'm single, working parent to dc 5 and 7. Older parent, struggle with persistant anaemia and hypothyroidism.

I'm overweight by around 2.5 stone.

I seem to have been ill, or under the weather for weeks now, or a DC has been ill and its exhausting. I havent been able to focus on healthy eating or getting exercise, I go to bed too late and was drinking too much wine. None of which helps me to feel good. I've stopped drinking and have a bottle over a weekend now sometimes.

I really feel like I need to look after myself better, but equally feel like I don't have the mental or physical energy.

Not sure why I'm posting really. Just overwhelmed.

I’m feeling the same. I’m so tired all the time, constantly ill and eat terribly. Really need to sort myself out!

I'm in the same boat. I think I need to start exercising and if I can get in the routine of exercise using I'm hopeful everything else will follow. Will have to start with a small goal of a walk or a home workout every single day and build up. I've put on about 3 stoke this year. I've gone from an active size 12 to barely squeezing into size 16 clothes.

you're definitely not alone, it's an exhausting and challenging time of year anyway, especially with all these shiny new viruses doing the rounds.

Do you have any TOIL or leave that would enable you to take a day off and literally do nothing- just stay in bed and recharge? I would do that as a starting point.

After that, look at any corners you can cut to take the pressure off yourself. I think you need to rest and recover as much as possible before anything else.

Sounds familiar (I'm married though) and I've been telling myself for months to get out of this fugg
For me it's exercise and being 'good' on the week ... seems so hard just now with my horrible menopausal mess body

It's bloody hard and unglamorous and the moment you drop the the ball it feel alike you are back at square one again.

Would you like some practical suggestions or would you like a space to to say it sucks to have too much and not enough time and capacity?

I am the same but I don’t have things as tough as you.
I don’t have much motivation at the moment. Work has been very tough so that means I’m comfort eating.
I’m going to do some good things for myself today. So I’m going to go for a walk, make myself some porridge and give myself a pedicure later. And do a short burst of yoga which I haven’t done for months.
Maybe you could try doing just one thing for yourself that makes you feel healthy?

I hear you. I am caught in a cycle of feeling like crap, therefore eating shit and not exercising because I don't have the energy, and then feeling more crap. In the last few months I've had tonsillitis, sinusitis and pneumonia and I still feel terrible. I'm so grumpy and so behind on work and Christmas and everything.

Just maybe don’t be so hard on yourself. Life is hard at times. Try a gradual change.

You need lots of vitamin c, d and ideally, cut the drinking completely.
Have your 5 fruit and veg a day as that helps you get good levels of vit c and fibre.
Take vitamin d.
Spatone is good for increasing iron levels.
Get that as your baseline and then start working on other improvements.
Time to relax and de stress is really important but it sounds like you use alcohol for this? Are there other things that you enjoy?

@DrJump Happy for practical suggestions. I kniw I need to go to bed earlier but am doing the typical thing, staying up for the quiet time. And have started eating crsp in that time

I signed up to the les Mills offer a month ago, and haven't done 1 workout.

I need quick easy meal with veg, that are DC friendly (they're not too fussy, but wouldn't eat a sturdy fry I don't think, )

You’ve already cut down on the drinking so that’s great! Well done.

@Nuffaluff work is also very srmtresful, it's a stressful job and we are hopelessly understaffed.

@mynameiscalypso exactly the same, it's bloody tough.

@Charles11 thanks, some good easy suggestions. I'm doing an online shop today, so can order vitamins, do they need to be a certain strength? I've never taken any. I have a love/hate relationship with iron, but get on better with spatone than the prescribed tablets so will top up on that.

With thyroid issues your mood will be all over the place. My wife has fluctuated between hypo and hyperthyroidism and as such she's gone through both attempted suicide depression at one end to vicious vicious tempers at the other. The key is to get your meds absolutely on point and go to as many docs as is required.

It also helps to periodically get some decent sleeping pills as the stress and fatigue from all his will wear you out. You need to recover.

Just try to keep active and don't take no for an answer. That seems to have worked for her. It's easy to fall into a pit and turn away seeing friends etc but don't. Get into a routine of activity and you'll pick back up in time :)

Not much to offer but feeling the same. Trying to take small steps to start to get me motivated. Walk with a friend today. Really struggling with eating healthily too and also drinking too much wine in the evenings. Anyway small steps are the way to go I think

Get a high dose of vitamin d and get some k2 as well as they work together.
As for vit c, that's better coming from food rather than supplements. Squeeze lemon into water, have satsumas which are in season, buy lots of veg which you and your dc will eat. Even potatoes have vit c.

Will your dc eat soup? I find that's a good way of getting some veg in.
I know meal prep is hard when you're feeling unwell and lethargic but it's so worth doing.
I keep bags of frozen sweet potato and frozen butternut squash to make things a bit easier for those times. Can chuck them in with a few other ingredients to make soup or use in other recipes.
I love hot soup when I've come back in from being out for a walk in the cold. Just feels really healthy.

A few practical suggestions:

Can you take yourself to bed for that downtime so you are in PJs / teeth cleaned before you've hit the wall and then watching TV on a iPad / on your phone / reading in bed?

Much easier to then just switch off and turnover to go to sleep and keeps away from the crisps. My £10 Facebook electric blanket makes that much easier! Maybe have some nice LED fairy lights?

Personally I love going up early to watch ASMR videos as they send me straight to sleep but appreciate that's not everyone's cup of tea.

A daily gratitude list instantly makes me feel emotionally stronger - mixture of big "I have a home, I have my kids" to small "I managed to get a wash on"

Any maybe just make 1 small self care change but commit to it until it's habit again. Then another one..

Brush teeth every morning
Brush teeth ever evening
Wash face every morning
Wash face every evening
Moisturise
Shower / bath
Vitamins
Hair styling / hair conditioning treatment
Body lotion
Self manicure
Hand lotion
Go for a brisk walk
10 mins of YouTube yoga
20 mins YouTube HIIT workout
Mini facial inc mask etc

I would suggest it trying to start anything new until next week.

Everything and everyone is telling you to treat yourself at this time of year, TV ads etc.

Enjoy Christmas, then figure out a plan that you can build on.

For example, 5 mins of exercise per day (dancing to a couple of your favourite songs or a quick walk). This can easily be extended to 19 then 15 etc.

Cut down the snacking, maybe having only savoury snacks to begin with to cut down in sugar, then reducing that.

It's creating new habits and being mindful that will get you back on track.

Also, try to make sure you're well-groomed by spending a bit more time on nails, hair etc.

Good luck with it.

not trying to start anything new

OP i came on to empathise a bit. I'm married and have a supportive DH but after 4 months of on off illness for all of us, medical appts for me and DC, a full time job and yet another cold that started over the weekend, its very easy to get disheartened and feel like rubbish.

I am usually a big exerciser. When my DC were your DC age, I used to run first thing in the morning or workout in the kitchen before they woke up. Now I walk every morning at 5am for 3 miles, then get back to wake up DC for school. But I can do that as mine are teens.

Bu tou could try going to bed just after the DC then getting up early and doing some exercise? I recommend Bodyfit by Amy for gentle workouts that are appropriate for all levels, and it's free and she does about 5 new workouts a week, some are bodyweight, some are weights etc. They are all good.

After being ill for the last 3 weeks I have literally done half of one of her bodyweight workouts which I know will make me ache after doing so little for so long and the plan is to do a couple this week and get back up to the weights workouts by Xmas weekend.

Food wise, my virus left me with no appetite so I was just eating canned soup, porridge (small amount) and lots of satsumas. So yesterday I roasted a whole load of veg for the fridge which I will reheat for a few meals. Maybe you could eat with the DC and then you know you've had your 5 a day before your early night?

Re the iron, I've been taking it for a few weeks and already feel like I have more energy! So you should definitely take some iron. Maybe vitamin D also during the winter months.

Sleep, some fruit and veg, water, less wine, some exercise and fresh air and you'll start feeling better.

And YY to the PP who suggested a bit of personal grooming.

I hate doing my nails and blow drying my hair, but I always feel better afterwards.

Maybe treat yourself to a move in amazon or similar and do your nails while your movie plays. You can't snack with wet nails either!

do one think a week - just one

this Week I will take a multivitamin, magnesium, iron, b complex and liqui vitamin d
then the next week - I will do week 1 but also stand outside with a warm cup of coffee every day for a week for 15 minutes and breathe in fresh air and look at the nature around me - nothing else see what birds I can spot etc rain or shine I will do this as my time
next week I will implement an evening skin cleaning bath and down time snf get to bed at the same time

one thing a week? Nothing that takes longer than 15 minutes

I'd suggest trying to go for walks when you can (and have the energy) rather than trying to do a set exercise routine.

Oh bless but you have so much going on, and you’re right that what you need is a bit of looking after.

Don’t try doing anything from a negative mindset, because while self criticism can be a powerful motivator, it also wears you down and kicks you coming and going.

How about you replace the wine with a different type of drink? Maybe something like a fancy flavoured water that is just for you and not for sharing with the kids.

And with the money you save on the nightly wine, buy a couple of nice healthy treats. Maybe some fresh walnuts and a pomegranate. Don’t try and replace everything at once or deny yourself other treats. You want to slowly train your brain to see healthier options as treats.

sip your fancy water from a nice glass, and eat your nuts slowly. And do 2 or 3 nice things each day - even if it’s only to stop and pretend that you’re massaging an expensive face cream in instead of slapping on sunblock, or appreciate the cosiness of your duvet as you’re falling asleep.

It’s about adjusting your mindset so you start to feel entitled to the good things in life (which after a while will include exercise and healthy food) rather than depriving and denying yourself or trying to punish the extra pounds away.