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When someone doesn't flush/clean up the loo after use...

23 replies

ACollectionofCells · 18/12/2022 07:01

Do you tell them, or just flush/clean it yourself?

This is my lodger. He's generally okay to live with. But one thing he does do is always point out any misdemeanor I do in the house. Sometimes it isn't even something I've actually done, but that he thinks I have.

E.G my Mum accidentally broke the catch on the gate a couple of months back. She told me she had, no big deal it was old and I bought and fitted a new one but he sent me a text stating something such as 'Broken the gate now have you! Like a bull in a china shop!'. I accidentally left the cellar light on once too and had a message about that, to which I reminded him that it isn't the end of the world and his lodgings are a flat rate, even if the bills are slightly higher it doesn't affect him.

The heating system in this house is a bit odd-I keep reprogramming it but it does come on by itself at times I've not programmed it to-I do need to have another look at it. He knows this, but without fail each time it comes on he'll say 'You left the heating on this morning!' When I've been out/asleep and had no idea it was on at all. And I apparently hid the washing up liquid from him and he was just not having it that I hadn't-I don't know why, but for some reason it was behind other things and not in the exact place he expected it to be. I hadn't washed up since he last used it so I definitely wasn't responsible. I get a lot of 'Broken XYZ now have you!' that sort of thing (once was as he saw a broken blender jug in the bin, actually off a blender from the distant past that I'd found while clearing out a cupboard but he thought it was from my brand new one that I'd already broken days after purchase!).

I am just not like this, he has things he does in the house that I personally wouldn't but I like a harmonious living arrangement and unless it affects me a lot, I don't not say anything.

Anyway he left a load of poo in the loo earlier. I was going to just flush it and not say anything but changed my mind, text him and let him know. He is now mad with me and immediately turned it on me and says I often don't flush the loo. Now this is simply not true as I am one of those who checks every single time before I leave any bathroom-although several times he has 'accused' me of not doing it when actually what I've done is wiped with cleaning product around the cistern/seat it with loo roll while cleaning the bathroom, and chucked it down the loo and not flushed it-I've told him this every single time, I am really careful as I hate finding someone else's waste or smears in a loo.

Anyway, I think if he wasn't this way with me, I'd have just turned a blind eye but as he is, I told him. I feel like perhaps it isn't the done thing now.

What's the consensus on it in your home? :)

OP posts:
upfucked · 18/12/2022 07:04

A one off? I would assume a mistake or it didn’t flush. I wouldn’t make a drama out of it.

Dfg15 · 18/12/2022 07:05

I'd give him notice, no way would i put up with that in my own house. Cheeky sod.

swapcicles · 18/12/2022 07:06

Honestly I'd get another lodger, not to do with the toilet issue but he sounds like a prick!
Generally though unless it's a repeated issue or a real mess I just clean up and carry on my day

Picoloangel · 18/12/2022 07:07

This isn’t about not cleaning the loo though. It’s about him sending you irritating texts when he’s the lodger. He sounds annoying and as if he thinks it’s his house! I’m
not sure how I would deal with it but I would be annoyed that he left the loo in that state and I’d try and find some way to tactfully point out that his texts are irritating. Good luck!

camelfinger · 18/12/2022 07:10

He is so rude. The examples you describe even before all the poo would be grounds for eviction in my opinion.

ACollectionofCells · 18/12/2022 07:10

Thanks, I understand!

I fantasise about having the space back to myself, but I don't know if I can afford it-I could look for someone else but It's just It's quite hard to come by someone you can trust in your home? This one is a pest at times, but, he's decent in that I trust him in the house, not to steal things, not to not pay, not to have wild parties, not to take money from my purse-leave a lot of mess everywhere etc-I've had all of that in the past. I also feel a bit sorry for him as I know he can't afford his own place. And with the bill rises recently the thought of losing the £ he pays isn't attractive.

OP posts:
blebbleb · 18/12/2022 07:13

I can't believe he's speaking to you like that in your own house. Rude git. Please give him notice. Lots of non arseholes would be looking for a spare room.

blebbleb · 18/12/2022 07:14

Don't feel sorry for him. He's treating you like he owns the place!

Ocrumbs · 18/12/2022 07:14

Chuck him out

HitMeWithAHotNoteAndWatchMeBounce · 18/12/2022 07:15

He sounds annoying as fuck and I don’t know how you live with him.

ACollectionofCells · 18/12/2022 07:15

I might start a new thread to ask people how they select potential lodgers. I've had bad luck in the past despite 'vetting', interviewing, explaining what I expect/don't expect etc. I do think it has just been bad luck. A couple who live near me who I am friendly with also have lodgers-and they're a lot stricter than I am (eg they expect the lodger to go to bed when they do and It's quite early, I'd feel that's too much to ask and people can go to bed as late/early as suits them!) but they always seem to get suitable people who don't do anything they don't like.

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 18/12/2022 07:15

Have you posted about him (a different issue) begins OP? I can't remember the subject matter - but the style of writing and obnoxious lodger sound familiar.

If so, then he sounds awful & I'd not want to live with him.

Supernormative · 18/12/2022 07:17

He's a patronising git. Talk to him about it and ask him to be more respectful or you'll have to find another lodger. Keep all the messages so you can show him if need be.

Squamata · 18/12/2022 07:19

I wouldn't want to live with someone like that, I'd feel watched over all the time.

If you don't want to boot him out, sit down and say the texts he sends make you feel awkward, if you break something you sort it out. And that was the context for messaging him about the loo.

I wouldn't have messaged for one forgotten flush, you're both getting petty. Say it won't work out if he keeps messaging like that.

Hashtagihearya · 18/12/2022 07:19

He sounds like a right knob. Let's be honest you did hide the washing up liquid right ? Haha no but I couldn't live with someone like that, trust there will be plenty other nicer people who want to lodge and don't feel sorry for him not your problem he can go be an arse somewhere else.

winteriscoming2022 · 18/12/2022 07:21

I've shared my home with many different people for various reasons through the years. It appears as if he's trying to belittle you with his comments and take control. It may be that he's somewhat pissed off that you own the house and he is renting a room in it only., he's trying to put you in your place being the mere woman you are. Whatever I wouldn't want to share my home with someone like this. When poo was left in my toilet I'd just say 'Toilet needs flushing / cleaning' there's no way I'm cleaning any other adult's poo

ACollectionofCells · 18/12/2022 07:38

Thank you again all-I take the points about pettiness. It is getting rather bothersome now, as in I mean, I am not particularly affected about the messages, they don't make me stressed or upset, but I'd rather not have them? I find myself being more careful about my conduct? I've got into the habit of thinking 'I'd best not leave that there' or 'I bet I'll have a message off Callum about this' -I mean I don't do anything (I don't think!)particularly bad...

Yes I do feel watched over @Squamata. That's true.

I am going to have to bite the bullet and get rid of him aren't I-I'll make it a new year mission. I just hope I don't get someone who's worse!

@Hashtagihearya he sounds like a right knob* that made me laugh, thank you-and no I bloody didn't! Maybe I should start hiding things (I wouldn't really)!

Well yes that's what I thought. I had a friend once whose loo was always minging because of her housemate and I used to do my hover mower impression at her house. Just having someone else's poo to contend with is unacceptable💩 (unless a small child or pet obviously)!

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 18/12/2022 08:05

Tell him you won't have a lodger speak to you like he's your dad.
Tell him in other ways he's an ok lodger, but that he needs to change his tone.
Tell him it isn't his job to tell you off, you are an adult and have managed nicely for years, thank you very much.

How do you respond to them at the moment?

If he sends one that's inappropriate either ignore it, rephrase it, or

'Why are you telling me this?'
'Did you let me know about the gate latch because you were afraid I'd be angry with you about it?'
'???'

EasterIsland · 18/12/2022 08:17

I wouldn’t put up with such rudeness in my own home. I’d be asking him to leave.

ACollectionofCells · 18/12/2022 08:23

Thanks @picklemewalnuts . Sometimes, especially if it's a message about something already discussed, I ignore it completely.

Other times I am quite assertive with him. Or if he's blatantly wrong (like with the blender) I just told him such!

I have said I wasn't happy with the way he's 'spoken' to me before too. I have a feeling he enjoys the 'argument' if I respond so I grey rock him much of the time.

OP posts:
rwalker · 18/12/2022 08:29

was it a one off and for what ever reason he forgot to flush
if it was there’s no way I would text them and humiliate them

picklemewalnuts · 18/12/2022 08:34

Grey rock is good, and yes to not giving him what he wants from the message. I suppose if you are good at ignoring it then getting better at it would be the way to go. Totally tune him out, think water off a duck's back.

I think I'd minimise communication with him. Only about actual essentials. The rest of the time breeze him off.

The occasional 'yes dad' with an eye roll might help!

ACollectionofCells · 18/12/2022 23:22

I like the 'yes Dad' idea Grin

OP posts:
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