I am really struggling

[Whywhywhywhy3]

Don't know why I'm posting this, I just need a hand hold. I've had possibly the worst year of my life and it's just getting worse. This may be outing as I have quite a specific health issue that is quite rare that people I work with know about, but oh well

I've struggled badly with my mental health since the pandemic, but managed to keep working and getting by. A year ago I developed double vision out of nowhere. Fully seeing two of everything. I've had eye issues since birth (strabismus) and now I've been diagnosed with intractable diplopia (non treatable double vision) as a rare complication of that. No serious illness or brain injury or anything, just eye muscles not working together. Basically the only way to treat it is glasses with one lens opaque. Since October I've been signed off work, I've had to stop driving, and basically learn to adjust to life with one eye (and obviously looking very strange, the glasses are very noticeable)

4 weeks ago my GP changed my antidepressants from citalopram to sertraline as the citalopram wasn't working any more and I was really struggling - having loads of weird scary anxiety symptoms. I've not found the sertraline any better so far.

This past week I've developed symptoms of a UTI. I've felt the urge to wee almost every second of every day. It's been absolutely intolerable. I've had 2 different antibiotics and it hasn't shaken it. Part of me is wondering if it's a sertraline side effect, as I've seen that online. But I can't sleep, how can you sleep when you feel you need a wee?? I feel utterly despairing about it.

Since I took the antibiotics I've noticed a massive decline in my mental health. Last night I had a huge panic attack. I can't stop crying. I've had vague suicidal thoughts. I don't feel like myself, I feel utterly weird and like I'm outside my own body

This year me and DP were going to host Christmas for the first time. My parents, brother, sister in law and grandma were going to come.
Now my DP has caught covid so we may have to cancel Christmas day

I'm just so desperately sad and low and everything feels like it's piled ontop of me. I don't know why I'm posting this I could just do with some support or some perspective. I'm going to phone my GP again Monday morning about the bladder issue and the moods/antidepressants.

Dear @Whywhywhywhy3 I am so sorry you are going through this and understandably feel so down, it sounds very hard to deal with.

Hopefully someone with experience of eyesight issues will come along - someone who might specifically have experience of your condition.

All I can say is that I am so sorry that other issues have also come to compound how you feel, and I hope your UTI gets better soon, and your DP also.

Are there people you can talk to about feeling so sad, and do you / could you have access to a counsellor?

I will be thinking about you and will be checking in to see that other people have hopefully also picked up your thread 💛.

Oh I do feel for you. Am awake and not feeling good myself but your post has put things in perspective.

Everything always feels worse at night too.

Sending you good wishes. I have had citalapram. I am on prozac now. It was a game changer for me. I feel content mostly, and not zombie, no feelings ish as I did on citalopram.

Sertraline doesn't work for everyone. Also, if there is any chance you might in fact have bipolar disorder instead, it can trigger episodes.

Awake here too. Been on Prozac for years. Was going to change to sertraline but can’t bring myself to do the whole cut down/one week no meds/start new meds etc.

OP sorry to hear about your situation. Just a thought (and apologies if it’s a stupid one) but rather than glasses with an opaque lens on one eye, what about a nice Gabrielle style eye patch and then clear glasses. You could coordinate with your clothes/nails and you could look so intriguing …the start of a new trend even

hope your hubby is better soon. My 7 y/o has covid now. He’s pretty ill with it. Would be a miracle if me or DH does get it for Christmas now

Awake here also. Just offering solidarity. Life is incredibly tough when you've got heath issues to contend with. Trying to unpick physical and mental health problems is so difficult. I'm going through it myself also.

Keep going, one day at a time. Wishing you strength and health. I'm so sorry I don't have anything more than words of encouragement but you will get through this.

OP I am so so sorry for what you are going through.

Just one thought: is there any chance that the ABs have caused you to contract systemic candida? I ask because that happened to me. Please google it and see if you have the symptoms.

Me again. Got caught up looking at eye patches on Pinterest - saw this one and thought it’s so beautiful…

Just one ..ok two …more then I’ll drop the whole eye patch thing

Sorry you're having such a hard time. It is possible that the sertraline may have put you into urinary retention. This is when your bladder does not empty completely, or hardly at all resulting in frequent need to pass urine. Speak to your GP, a simple bladder scan will check for this. It's a community procedure, a portable device, with an ultrasound wand passed over your lower abdomen. If you are in retention it's relatively simple to resolve - change what's caused it and or be taught how to drain your bladder yourself using a catheter- a thin tube that is inserted into your bladder. Happy to explain more if this sounds relevant to you.

Awake her to, anxiety likes to wake me like a brass band as soon as I'm slightly awake, this might be worth posting on the mental health board as they will have lots of great advice on setraline and are just as supportive as the previous posters, i suffered with recurring uti's for 2 years, you might need a longer term antibiotics, i had a low dose for 6 months, every single time i had antibiotics i got thrush (not saying it's that just sharing my experience) I'm now on methanime 2 x daily and so far it's working, you have been through so much op, be kind to yourself, its a lot you have been through, and always someone here to chat to, makes me feel less alone in the wee hours anyway

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way OP.

This year seems to have been utterly crap for quite a lot of people.

It's really disappointing about your DP having covid. The kids and I caught it last Christmas.

Sertraline doesn't work for everyone, i couldn't tolerate it. It may be worth speaking to your gp. It can really make things worse before it makes them better too.

Please reach out to people in your life for support too ❤️

Sounds like the sertraline is affecting your bladder. If I were you I'd come off it (wean yourself off over a week or two) and start again with the antidepressants

Maybe look at a non SSRI as those don't seem to be working for you

DH lost use of one eye for a while and we were surprised to find it was actually legal to drive with one eye.

Thank you so much everyone for all your kind words. I'm tearing up reading them. I don't normally cry this much but at the moment I can barely go a few hours without crying!!

I will definitely speak to the GP again tomorrow. Citalopram worked for me for many years but it stopped working, so Sertraline was the next step, but I've never felt this bad. Although maybe it's just the bladder issue making me feel so low, I don't know..

I did manage to sleep last night in the end though, so I feel slightly more positive this morning.

@cakeyface123 I did consider eye patches, but with the glasses I still have my peripheral vision around the edge, and I can see light/colour through them too so I think that's more helpful for driving (you're legally allowed to drive after 3 months of adjusting to one eye - I'm gonna give it a go when I can!)

Thank you again everyone. It helps to have some kind words and support.

Hi. Sorry you are going through such a stressful time. The part I especially picked up on was you saying you felt as if you were outside of your body. This is a form of dissociation which is your mind trying to protect you from stressful experiences. I only realised this year, at 65, that I was experiencing this. I was describing that life was happening 'over there' and it was like watching it happen on a screen. I think this is derealisation but there is also depersonalisation. So I guess you could do to find natural ways of relaxing. Maybe listening and following You Tube videos - guided meditations for relaxation and to help with anxiety could be useful.

OP if Christmas day goes ahead for you I just wanted to say it sounds as though you have a supportive family so lean on them if you need to, I'm sure they'd help with decorating or cooking and cleaning if you're struggling to get everything ready for visitors whilst dealing with these health flare ups. You mentioned anxiety but not depression, bear in mind there are anxiety meds specifically for that too, if that's the only reason you're taking ADs. Fingers crossed DH feels better soon too.

Thanks for your replies. I'm feeling more positive today. I spoke to the GP again yesterday who sent a urine sample off for cultures to see if it truly is a UTI. I'm now taking amoxicillin just in case, but will see when the results come back.

I mentioned about whether sertraline could be causing this as a side effect and she said she'd never come across that before but it's totally possible, and since I've been feeling so terrible I may as well try going back on my old meds. So I'm back on citalopram now as of last night. Will see how it goes. The GP was helpful and listened to me, so that was nice.

My family have been great and very supportive. My mum is calling/texting me every day to see how I am, and my brother. We've arranged that if we can't do Christmas day we will rearrange for another day for everyone to still come over for dinner.

I also see a private counsellor and had a massive cry to her yesterday during a session which was cathartic. I'm feeling more hopeful since the weekend, despite my symptoms still being the same so far. I've got my fingers crossed things will start to improve soon.

Hi I was wondering how the citalopram was working out for u again?
I was on it for years docs changed me to sertraline 4 weeks ago and I hate how it's making me feel I'm more depressed and that's not what they were prescribed for they were prescribed for anxiety x