How to be less chaotic with small kids

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

2 DC ages 4 and 2. Today has been as so many days are - so chaotic. DH and I just can't seem to effectively communicate. So many conversations about what the kids need, whether they've had a snack, who wears what etc.

Thought we'd go out sledging this morning. 4 year old has a screaming meltdown about not wearing his snowsuit. I say ill stay indoors with him then 2 hear old has a breakdown cos she won't go without me. Even the kids talking volume feels absolutely deafening.

Everything just feels such hard work. We've baked cakes thus afternoon, they dropped 3 eggs, I don't mind that, but then I'm trying to clear it up and the 2 year old is screaming for me again.

I'm so tired of running around and being shouted at.

I think a lot of the chaos is just how it is having very young children. What you are describing sounds totally normal to me but having a lot of routine around meal and snack times and who does what is really helpful to making the days go more smoothly.

Very normal, plus the time of the year with varied routines and lots of jobs can make it feel a lot worse.

Your getting out and about baking etc...which is all lovely and what thr little ones will remember in times to come

Small kids are just chaotic. Your post takes me back to a few years ago when mine were similar ages. There were lovely times but mostly it was just running around and being shouted at. It gets better the older

*they get

Honestly you sound like you’re doing brilliantly. Having small kids is loud!

Hard isn't it! DH and I have just been having a conversation about how to manage as today was a shit show, but we both feel down about how much we seem to dissect our approaches to stuff and we end up in a very negative space - constantly arguing about what should be done and ending up falling out. We agreed to start focusing on the positives in the future as I think life with two small kids is always going to feel chaotic and you will never get it "right" because that's just not real life.

Easier to just redefine chaotic. Anything where the house still stands and everyone is more or less clothed and fed most of the time does not qualify as chaotic until kids are at least 5+

I would only do one of those activities in a day.

7 and (nearly) 3 here and about to embark on a multi flight 18 hour each way journey to my country of origin to see my parents and family.

(heaven help us).

My only tip of advice- just don’t plan activities to do when they are in this stage. It never works out. I can’t remember the last planned “activity” with us four ended up like the picture books say. It’s always a nightmare of noise, tears, arguments, and pointlessness.

Just came to say you're not alone! I have 1 and 3 year olds and my days consist of being their chef, servant, cleaner and entertainer. If there's anything they're not happy with, I get screamed at 😂I keep reading that it gets better by age 5 so just taking it one day at a time until then..

We have one 2 year old, I'm 33 weeks pregnant and feeling particularly exhausted today, and DH is ill. 2 year old has just recovered from two sicknesses, one after the other and he decided he would push boundaries all day... I'm knackered, DH is knackered. Our dishwasher needs emptied, the dishes are stacked up, and our living room looks like a hurricane ran through it. We literally looked at each other and said "it can stay like this tonight". We normally tidy up together every evening. Tonight, we couldn't be arsed, so it's staying a mess until tomorrow. We're now on the sofa watching a Christmas movie. and we only have one child for now, I can't imagine what it'll be like with two.

I've accepted this is life with small children and to go easier on us sometimes! Sounds like you're doing s good job, baking would've been great fun for them. Accept the chaos and go with it, that's what we're trying to do! (Easier said than done most times!)

Thanks everyone, today was better though I've also managed to lose my glasses and one of my favorite earrings in 24 hrs so feeling a bit crap.

I hear you, I find it so overwhelming. The only thing I can recommend that (sometimes) helps is being super organised and having every eventuality planned in advance as far as possible!

You’re doing fab. I have 1 and 4 year old and my weekends are similar apart from we didn’t manage to get out baking or sledging! Went to an attraction and my 4 year old refused to wear gloves then screamed all the ah round that her hands were cold. I don’t even attempt to bake with them both in the house 😂..

Firstly, it sounds like you’re doing a lovely job. Having small children just IS chaotic and hard and someone is always screaming or crying. I promise it gets easier.
Also, events that we did when the kids were small were so random in the things they remembered, mainly around food.
we were at the zoo the other day (mine are now 10 and 12) and I saw lots of parents taking round their tearful or tantruming children, while mine cheerfully looked at things and it was so EASY and I just remembered going to the zoo when mine were small and thinking “why tf am I bothering with this?”
So I would say, don’t try to do too much and also, remember that kids’ memories probably recall how they feel about an activity, rather than the activity itself, so if you stay fairly calm and cheerful, that’s probably what they’ll remember.
And also, that it WILL get easier.

I’m glad I stumbled upon this thread. I have a 3 month old and a just turned 2 year old and after bedtime last night I just cried. I’m exhausted and feel like neither DD is getting the attention they deserve. I don’t know how people manage with more than 2. It’s good to know I’m not alone though. I’ve just accepted for now that my appearance doesn’t matter (too much) and I try to accept the house will be a mess most of the time

There is an excellent book which might really help you if you can summon up the energy to read it. "How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7" by Joanna Faber. Hang in there OP, it gets easier, and then they turn into teenagers ....😆

I think you just have to accept the chaos in these years. I also agree with a PP that I'd only plan one activity in a day otherwise it's all too much.

It gets so much easier as they get older. DD1 is 5 and a dream compared to when she was younger and also to DD2 aged 3. The turning point for us was around the age she started school. She just suddenly grew up so much and this weekend spent an hour just quietly colouring at the kitchen table. This from the child that age 3 and 4 I couldn't even get to pick up a crayon and was a constant whirlwind.

Lower your expectations for now, take one day at a time and concentrate on making them feel safe and loved. It does get easier.

Yes it is. I've never felt more disheveled.

Someone always needs their arse wiping, or the toddler needs a poo when I'm cooking dinner. He once went 6 times (poos in potty) whilst I was doing dinner, which was interesting.

Talking on the phone is usually when they start carrying on. I've had call centre staff giggle (quite a few times) and elderly relatives say "ours used to wait till we were on the phone too" or "it was chaos, absolute chaos" (said my grandad).

I've had a doctor's receptionist on the phone say "just give them a book in god's name pleeease"

Would it help to share survival tips?

These aren’t meant to be preachy but they hit me through the chaos years
• Have a rock solid morning routine that includes getting fully dressed first thing. My youngest was 6 before we had pyjama days.
• Leave the house after breakfast. Playgroup/school/shopping/park/Grandmas/soft play/swimming/playground. It’s the best time to get out, they’re fed, rested and have pooped.
• Distinguish in your own mind between activities that require close supervision from you, and activities that give you a breather. You need a balance of these - too many breathers and they’ll rebound looking for attention.
• If it’s likely to get messy you need a clean up and possibly a containment plan (eye twitches at memory of two toddlers with paint on their hands getting bored mid-Christmas card making)
• If you want successful holidays, days out the secret is to work within the kid’s routines. Blowing off nap time or pushing lunch out an hour is never wise.

And it passes. It really does. (As long as you keep in mind that the rose tinted memories are your mind’s way of protecting you from ptsd, and you don’t get nostalgic and make another one)

I have the same gap with my two, it's all very chaotic. Sometimes I feel like we must be doing something wrong but glad to hear we're not the only ones!

I had 3 under 5 at one point. My tips are organisation to military precision. Bags packed and clothes laid ready the night before. Meals pre-planned and never go anywhere unless they have just been fed. Dont sweat the small stuff, they don't want to wear gloves, just leave it and stuff them in the bag for when they inevitably whinge their hands are cold.

I'm not saying some days werent absolutely chaotic but by my 3rd, I had it down pretty much. Now theyre all school aged (still in primary) I still live by the rules and its rarely chaotic.