Wasn’t expecting this today

[Nearlychristmas123]

My H left me with 3 young DC at the start of the year. I struggled massively and many months went by before I wasn’t sobbing every night . But in recent months I’ve been in a much better place, have seen I’m better off without him etc and I thought had come to terms with it.

but - this morning I went christmas shopping for the DC and seen families and couples shopping for their children and I don’t know why but my heart starting aching. I ended up sat in the car crying. The enormity of being a single parent (he has gone NC) and the sadness of it has just overwhelmed me today.

He was the one not stepping up to his role as a DP or DH but I’m the one feeling guilt for the children, rejection, worthless and lonely because all my future life plans were taken away from me.

We do have plans for Christmas but I just want this first one as a single parent to be over.

Dont know why I’m posting really, I don’t want to burden people in RL when it’s such a nice time of the year while I’m here having a pity party and feeling very doom and gloom because life is hard, draining, emotional etc… (but putting on a brave face for the DCs).

Firsts are always difficult, no matter how over something you think you are. The most recent memories you have of that thing involve the other person, and if it was a long relationship then it’ll be impossible to remember what it was like before, especially if you have kids now where you didn’t before. It’s all a perfectly normal part of the grieving and healing process. Have yourself a cry and try to enjoy the rest of the time X

I’m sorry, it is very hard when you see the “typical” family unit at times like Christmas- family holidays are also a trigger I remember. All I can say is remember that all that glisters is not gold, some of those stereotypically “happy” families will actually be deeply unhappy, some super stressed, some ill, some facing redundancy or homelessness. I know that sort of thinking doesn’t help your situation this year when things are very raw, but it is true, it it all too easy to believe the Christmas adverts, but always remember they were filmed in August with paid actors unrelated to each other ( possibly why they all look so happy 😁,). Please remember how far you have come, and what a great role model and example of resilience and strength you are showing your children.

So go ahead, have a good cry, sometimes it’s what you need to do, then find the tissues, have a little something comforting , and embrace your inner Scarlett O’Hara. Your kids will have a great Christmas without you walking on eggshells as I imagine you might have been last year.

Happy Christmas, wishing you a wonderful New Year.

You need to be kind to yourself. Sounds like seeing people shopping with their families just hit you a bit harder than you expected. The first xmas, first Easter, birthdays initially may well be tougher for you at first. You sound resilient and you'll get there, you will figure out a new normal for yourself and your children. You might not yet believe yourself capable but you will. In the interim you need support, who can you reach out to just to listen or help with practical support?

Sending lots of love op.

When you are on the fringes of society big holidays always hurt. If you don't have a "normal" Christmas card family then you are made to feel invisible and less than. My wife and I are infertile and all big holidays really sting and I feel your pain truly. But you were out making sure your kids have a wonderful Christmas and the fact you are there going through it and not hiding from it and dragging them into your pain is such a good reflection on your strength.

Well done, a lot of people hide and feel sorry for themselves and give up but your out there making it the best you can so good on you mama!

Same here @Nearlychristmas123 loads of v busy families all around us and me and the DC feeling like everyone has stuff to do and people to see except us…

but then I’m thinking I won’t spend the whole day wondering if XH is going to kick off about something and we can relax and just enjoy ourselves however we want to…we just need to make new traditions so I’m not comparing everything to how it used to be.

We’ll get there love, this is the start of better times xx

Perfectly normal @Nearlychristmas123 you’re grieving the life you thought your children and yourself were going to have.

It will be hard, but each year it will get easier and you will come out the other side feeling that you had a lucky escape. Any man that can go NC with their own children doesn’t deserve them!

Thank you for your replies, I’ve posted on here a few times and the kindness of strangers always gets me 😢

I'm so sorry your ex has behaved in such a shitty way. You sound like a wonderful, strong person. Sending lots of love xx

Your children are lucky to have you. You’ve totally got this, but you’re allowed to feel sad, shows how much you are putting them first. You think they are missing out? They’re not - but your POS ex is.
I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your DC, the first of many happy ones for you.