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What will happen to my Nan?

6 replies

LostInALostWorld · 16/12/2022 22:46

As a small backstory, My Grandad died in March and my Nan (mid 80's) has been deteriorating since then, She had a breakdown after he died and they sectioned her, Got her on anti depressants etc then she came home.

She seemed fine at first once she got home, Even went visiting her sister, Got a train on her own and came back, We then took her away for a week and she was fine.

A few months ago we were thinking she was getting ill again as she was saying strange things (An example.. She told me I was my Uncles mum and not her, She told me I was born in France and I should go and live with my family over there, I was born in England.. Stuff like that out of nowhere) Turns out she had a water infection which has now cleared up.

Over the last month she has stopped cooking for herself, Stopped eating (unless someone is there to cook it and stay with her when she eats it) She has stopped taking her meds, My mum sorted all her pills out for the week so all she had to do was take them and when we went today Nan had emptied them all out and replaced them all with paracetamol, She has stopped getting up, Still in bed at 1 in the afternoon with all the curtains shut, If she does get up she sits in her pjs, Stopped getting dressed, washing herself, She left the back door wide open the other night and we only knew because her neighbour called us to let us know.

She has also stopped answering the phone, She says she hears it ring but refuses to get up and answer it, We couldn't get hold of her one day last week, All curtains shut, no answer to phone or door and we couldn't get in as she has started leaving her keys in the locks, An ambulance ended up coming out and she was in bed, She heard us knocking but didn't get up.

We found out today that she is staying in bed most of the day (as soon as we are not there) and is getting up at night sitting in her chair all night with no heating on, She says she is freezing but forgets to put it on, If we put it on for her she will then forget to turn it off and will leave it on until the following day.

We go to her house twice a day to make sure she is eating and taking her meds, We also go once a week to do her grocery shopping, She would come with us, We would do a bit of shopping, Go to a cafe and get her some lunch etc and for the last few weeks when we have gone to pick her up she has been in her pjs not wanting to come out of the house.

She is a shell of a person, gives one word answers, And will just sit there in her chair for hours on end just staring into space. She will sit there with the tv on and the radio on in the same room at the same time. She told me today that she can't/doesn't want to go on without my Grandad and we are all forcing her to be here.

From what I have said is she going to end up in a care home? Back in hospital? We are not really sure what to do or where to go from here? Anyone been through anything similar?

OP posts:
LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 16/12/2022 22:50

What do you think is happening - another uti? Dementia? Depression? Can you speak to her gp?

Honeyroar · 16/12/2022 22:52

Oh bless her. She sounds depressed and not coping. Could someone go to the doctor with her? A care home, or sheltered accommodation, where there are other people around, might be a good thing? It must be so tough losing the love of your life and companion at that age.

BergamotandLime · 16/12/2022 22:55

It sounds as if she needs an urgent mental health assessment. First stop, GP. Hopefully she would be referred to an old age community mental health team who would make an assessment and take into account both organic cognitive decline (dementia etc) and functional mental health problems such as depression.

TokenGinger · 16/12/2022 22:58

My nana did exactly the same when my granddad died. She just couldn't cope with life without him. My dad would go around 3x per day to see to her and had carers come in, too. She just gave up on life and she died quite soon after. She wouldn't eat or drink and my dad hadn't realised how much weight she had lost as she dressed in thick jumpers, but one day he got to her house and she'd soiled herself but she didn't have the energy to walk to the bathroom, so he carried her upstairs, undressed her to bathe her and realised that she was a bag of bones. That's when he called in carers, and within 3 weeks of having carers, she had passed.

It's so terribly sad but after a lifetime with one person, I guess they just can't face being without them and give up.

It sounds like your family is doing as best they can at making sure she has support with her daily. Just keep supporting her, and call in carers for additional support if her finances allow.

lurkinglittleladybug · 16/12/2022 23:58

Bless her, could she have a UTI? or depression? … I would get this ruled out before going down the dementia diagnosis route

Hairyfairy01 · 17/12/2022 00:02

Sounds like she needs someone from the community mental health team. Do you know if she is still open to them? If not I would ring your GP or even 111 for advice. She's clearly not well, mentally and needs expert support. If she's not taking her medications it's very likely she is slipping back to how she was before being sectioned.

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