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Original poster

Am I being too sensitive?

40 replies

fairyglitter · 16/12/2022 19:46

I’ve really struggled with the birth of my now 15 month old son.

It ended in an emergency c-section after I so so wanted a natural birth (a mix of diabetes, obstetric cholestasis and preeclampsia)

I’ve found it hard at times to accept him as my baby. I love him loads but, deep down, I know I didn’t give birth to him. I was in the room but I have no memory of anything. I just remember the block being put in and the pain stopping.

Having a convo with my mother the other day, she confirmed that I haven’t given birth. I’ve failed myself and him.

And now I’m waffling - I’m sure no one will read this, but sorry if you have 💕

OP posts:

allthelittlelights · 17/12/2022 00:05

Of course you gave birth. It's really not relevant how he got out of your body.
I had an emergency section under GA. I didn't see my son born, his dad held him for several hours while the surgeons were trying to save my life. I needed some counselling after, obviously it was weird and frightening, maybe it will help you too?

PondintheRain · 17/12/2022 00:05

My son was born by CS as well. While there has been the occasional person who is anxious to assure me that I didn’t ‘give birth’, the way I look at it is that my beautiful ten year old and I would both be dead were it not for modern obstetrics. Yes, I was disappointed at the time, and very sad at not being able to breastfeed (no supply), but those are just details.

PondintheRain · 17/12/2022 00:06

And yes to counselling. You’re clearly traumatised.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Childbirth Families General pregnancy

ProcrastinatingUntilNextYear · 17/12/2022 00:06

A relative told me I wasn’t a real mum because I had to have a C-section for medical reasons.
I gave the comment the response it deserved -silence.

The important thing is you carried your baby to term and that you try and be the best mum you can be. I don’t know about you, but the recovery from the c-section was really painful. I think us C-section delivery mums earn our stripes then. Many mums (not all!) I know who gave birth the ‘natural’ way walked away without even a stitch. My children have seen my scar and think it’s amazing that they came out of it.
You need to reframe it, but I know that’s not easy.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/12/2022 06:08

ProcrastinatingUntilNextYear · 17/12/2022 00:06

I remember showing my mum my scar and then holding my newborn in front saying, Can you believe it?! I was amazed! 😊

Ponderingwindow · 17/12/2022 06:37

I don’t feel like I gave birth to my dd who was born by a very medical planned c-section.

that doesn’t matter. I grew her. it doesn’t matter if I pushed her out of my body. I GREW HER!!

I also endured a really difficult surgery and recovery to give her a safe entry into this world. I am a MOTHER.

you need to start focusing on the amazing things you have done. YOU GREW A HUMAN BEING. YOU ENDURED SURGERY AND RECOVERY TO GIVE YOUR CHILD LIFE.

Iwanttoslowdown · 17/12/2022 06:43

Gosh that’s a mean thing to say. You need support right now and you may have post natal if you feel a disconnection. Do you have other friends and family that you can talk to?

FangedFrisbee · 17/12/2022 06:46

I never understand the mentality of people who say that women who have c sections haven't given birth. It's so stupid! I'm not saying you are op but your mum is an idiot.

You're not still pregnant with him 15 months later, he has a birthday and a birth certificate, of course you gave birth!

JennyForeigner · 17/12/2022 06:46

In that case I haven't given birth to any of my three children. One had shoulder dystocia and got stuck, the other two were some complicated presentation of breech twins, and wouldn't have had a hope.

At any other time in history there would have been a high risk of mortality for them and me in each pregnancy. I thank all the gods of healthcare every day that we live in a time and place where we could be helped.

I don't think you would say for a moment to me that it matters how my babies were born. You are treating yourself differently in a way that is a classic example of PND.

I'm sorry, but again I do think you need to talk to your doctor. PND is very treatable, but it takes help.

wellholygod · 17/12/2022 07:08

your mother sounds as thick as mud in a bottle. Give yourself space from her for a while and concentrate on urself and baby. I had 2cc. I thank god every day that I live in a country where such good healthcare is available to women to give the best chance of a good outcome for mother and baby (where needed)
bottom line is what does is matter?? I think I read somewhere the queen herself was delivered by cc

MissCrowley · 17/12/2022 07:27

I'm sorry but your mother is disgusting for saying that to you.
I gave "birth" to my daughter if you can call it that. It was almost an EMCS as she got stuck and she was removed with forceps.
My second I had an ELC and nothing would've changed my mind.
You gave birth to your son. It doesn't matter how you did it, you birthed him.
Your mother is toxic. I'd be keeping her at arms length.

TumbleFryer · 17/12/2022 07:32

Is your mother always so evil?

Q2C4 · 17/12/2022 07:47

Of course you gave birth to him. You have the scars to prove it! You grew him from a few cells to a bouncing healthy baby. You went through serious abdominal surgery to get him out safely. You did not fail him; quite the opposite.

Your mother is talking rubbish, I'm so sorry you had to listen to that. Your son won't see it the way she does.

Backstreets · 17/12/2022 07:55

I’ve never even heard of the concept of a c section not being considered a “real” birth (when I read your post I first thought you were saying your child wasn’t actually yours as in a post natal psychosis thing). Nuts how people find all these new little ways of judging and putting each other down for no reason. You nurtured and carried your child to term. He was born. Of course you gave birth.

Pismascrescents · 17/12/2022 09:02

Of course you’ve given birth! More importantly, you are alive and he is alive which is fantastic. You can torture yourself about this if you want to, or you could love and enjoy your child and make the most of every moment.

Your mum: “You didn’t give birth to your child (looks for reaction)
You: Whatever (eye roll).

Ultimately having a healthy child is ALL that matters.

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