Homeschooling a child with adhd or other sen

[Squarerootofpi]

Ds 6 had his nativity play today. He did so well, but the differences between him and his peers are becoming more and more noticeable. He struggled with the volume of the music (why is it so bloody loud?), he didn't do the dance moves, struggled to sit still, got up in the other children's faces, and eventually had a meltdown and had to be taken out. He doesn't have any real friends in school, but a few children will say hi to him.

He is so bright and talented at math, English and music. He loves learning on his terms but hates school. It really breaks my heart to see him go up to a group of kids to try and play but they look at him weird when he flaps or starts reciting pi to 20 decimal places. He's such a sweet little boy but I see him becoming angrier and angrier. The school are doing their best and we are waiting for a diagnosis the the gp.

I have this fantasy of us waking up in the morning relaxed and stress-free. Sitting down to homeschooling based on his interests and strengths. I'd obviously join some home-ed meet ups for socialisation as well as other extra curricular activities. We'd go for walks along the beach, visit attractions during school time when it's quiet, go for cheap holidays in term time. I've been looking at online schools such as Interhigh for his core subjects, as well as private Kumon lessons.

Is this an idealised view of homeschooling? Is the reality even more stressful and lonely? I feel like I'm trying to squash ds into a mould he doesn't actually fit in just to make the school happy.

Tldr, is homeschooling a sen child much harder than supporting them through the school system?

When mine was 4/5/6 i felt like you did.

When he was 7 COVID came.

Obviously homeschooling during the lockdown wasn't like homeschooling out of lockdown, but even given that it was so awful and very apparent that homeschooling wouldn't work for him. Having adhd meant it was painfully hard to get him to do anything that wasn't his one passion, and this made his dyslexia worse as he point blank refused to write.

He is now 10 and 'fine ' at school. I still beat myself up that fine isn't good enough and i want 'thrive ', but i actually think school has had some big benefits for him too.

This week he performed in the play, he was great, and i was reminded of his year 1 play that was exactly as you describe your child's and broke my heart. If we had homeschooled he would have never chosen public speaking and never developed the skill.

Most of the children we met while homeschooling were nd.

My 7 year old and I have both been referred for ADHD assessment.

Homeschooling during lockdown was a total disaster for both of us. I couldn’t get motivated, she couldn’t get motivated, both of us either lost interest very quickly, or we’d sit there for hours doing particular activities that we both enjoyed at the expense of literally everything else.

I’m not disciplined enough to be a good homeschool teacher 😬

If you want to explore this then there are some great people on Twitter and good home schooling communities on Facebook etc.

I have a child with ADHD/asd. I know is quite a few other families who gone school and who it really works for. I don’t think it’s anything like lockdown homeschooling - they have all achieved it with no background in education/teaching. All of those families would say although it has its challenges yes it is easier than mainstream formal school.

im pretty certain my DC would be happier - but I’m a single parent who works full time so can’t see how I could achieve it ( maybe when he’s older).

so definitely something to explore and see if it would work for your family!

@Treadlightlyly Thank you for sharing that. Yes, my ds has also improved in some ways at school. Holding a pen was a huge challenge for him as he's a lefty and struggles with fine motor skills. The school really worked with him and now he writes beautifully. I could never provide the education that the school could provide him with. It's just the social side of things that worry me.

I am a teacher myself, im not sure i understand the 'its nothing at all like homeschool during lockdown' point.

I do see that usually there might be a group or two to attend, but fundamentally isn't homeschool about the parent and child doing the learning? That's the same during a lockdown or not.

For us it was the personalities that caused the problem, that's not going anywhere (i also have adhd).

The difference between lock down and you on your own is during lockdown a qualified teacher should have prepared learning materials for you to deliver at home and they should have been at the right level etc. You need to take over that bit which is quite daunting but possible.

Something that might help your son is lots of ND people do enjoy having other ND friends so a social group for adhd or autism might be a good place for him to learn friendship skills and make friends. sometimes when a NT child has learned a skill they stop practicing it in games (eg turn takin) , so your child doesnt get a chance to keep practicing.

I do see that usually there might be a group or two to attend, but fundamentally isn't homeschool about the parent and child doing the learning? That's the same during a lockdown or not.. Not for us. Lockdown home Ed was massively harder and less productive/satisfying. Not only that but post lockdown is harder too.

@Squarerootofpi
what do you imagine you might achieve at home?

Would he be going back at some point and if so how and when?
Can you afford it?
Would you both enjoy it?
What would be the reaction from friends and family?
What sort of home education would you want to provide?

If you didn’t home educate how much of the above could you do in addition to school?

Does your child have an ECHP .I know some people include funding on it to buy in services eg maths or literacy if that is a weak area for them to teach or to go to things like pony club to help with social skill etc.
Or maybe a part time timetable. This is the option I went for but my child also has LD so at home we did life skills stuff and worked for us. His school were brilliant at supporting us but was a special school and had a few on PT timetable so they were use to that Flexi schooling.

@Treadlightlyly in lockdown kids were isolated in their homes with only their parents, being delivered a few lessons over Zoom or the odd worksheet. Home educated children for the most part are out most days doing groups and activities with different children, socialising and learning in different ways. Do you really not see the difference?

I think the most useful thing you could do now is get a diagnosis.

From that, you may get accommodations at school, or find a more appropriate one. Or decide to homeschool but with a real understanding of what the issues are and how to work with them. Knowledge is very much power in this situation

it’s taken us a long time to work out why DD was not school shaped - but she ended up in one which suits her really well.

OP the number of home educated children is soaring at the moment, and it’s no surprise. School is not one size fits all. Plenty of children do great in it of course but doesn’t mean it’s right for all. Being neurodiverse can often mean a child wants to approach learning in a different way - maybe more of an in depth project focus rather than splitting everything into subjects for example.

Also a lot of the school day is spent not learning, you can do loads 1 on 1 in and hour or 2 compared to what they can do in school. It’s different learning and often hard to compare to school. But home educated children can and do do GCSEs, A levels and go to college and uni.

They can also learn at their own pace rather than having to keep up with a class, there’s no reason at all that a lot of things have to be taught at certain ages, or taught at all necessarily (the books covered in school English is such a narrow selection from the whole world of books, for example) don’t think you couldn’t do as well as school, if you’re motivated to seek out the resources and experiences you could do so much better than school.

Some resources to look into

• Find the ‘Home Ed Voices’ podcast and listen to the back catalogue, it’s a great window into what home education looks like in different families
• Hannah Home Educates and HomeEdAmy on TikTok both make great short videos about home ed
• This article is worth a read monkeymum.blog/2015/09/13/time-is-precious/?fbclid=IwAR1hmhXh77UKjKnuL-i2Ojvu6Hrv6xGTmDZI5bFdFGNK0GLkxv6T9WSqXn4
• there will very likely be Facebook groups for people home educating in your local area, join and see what others are getting up to. Most HE children aren’t sitting at home with their parents all day, and community is so important.

good luck!

I think one thing to consider, if you went for it, would be how will you expose your child/build your child’s tolerance to doing things they don’t want to do. Ultimately the only way we get better at things we find difficult is by practising them. Yes absolutely learning through your interests is great but children also need to learn skills like stopping things they enjoy to do something they enjoy less, sharing, turn taking etc. I think it’s important to consider how you’d build those things in. There’s a middle ground between comfort level and distress and that’s where we learn.

Also, just from what you’ve said, I’d gently suggest pursuing an autism assessment if you haven’t already considered that avenue.

Obviously from your description the two are very different!!

However my child was not isolated (long story) and didn't get any lessons on zoom or odd worksheets (had child led, interest driven learning). When I've investigated home learning out of lockdown or would be very similar.

So I'm saying that, for us, it was a realistic experiment that didn't work because of my son's/my sen.

@Treadlightlyly are his SEN of a nature that prevent him from going to groups/outings/socialising with other children etc? HE certainly isn’t suitable for all kids or families, but it’s not a one size fits all approach either which sadly school is most of the time

My son who has very strong signs of ADHD started high school in September and he's had countless detentions and isolations already and he is currently on suspension. He is in a special needs class which I thought would work for his needs but his needs aren't being met and school for him feels like a negative environment. He says his form tutor regularly shouts very loudly at him and his other teachers don't give him warnings before issuing him with punishments. I have criticised the teachers' behaviours to be told that they've been working in this profession for x amount of years and to not tell them how to do their job. I have said the punishments are counterproductive and that he doesn't respond well to them to be told it is school policy. I have asked them if he's better off at a special school providing he gets a diagnosis to be told that his current school can meet his needs.

I do really feel for him and I'm not happy that I'm making him go to a school that berates him for a condition he has that he cannot control and that they do not act in a manner that is tailored for him to give a positive effect. I'm considering home schooling as an option but I'm not in a fortunate position that I can stop earning so I wondered if I could get funding if I had a legitimate reason to take him out of school.

I teach online. Most of our kids have an EHCP and have been out of school a while before they get to us. Most of them managed primary school, and the wheels came off in secondary. Those who had been home educated end up with us because the parent/child relationship couldn't take the strain of being teacher and parent. It does seem to vary geographically, so it may be worth looking at what's around locally for children not in mainstream education. Without support, home education can be quite a lonely experience, and when it comes to GCSEs, many parents struggle with the content and motivating an isolated child.

Op I I don't know what the answer is. I do know there is a severe lack of accommodation and understanding of sen needs however in education.

Dc with adhd and autism are still being labeled as naughty and attention seeking little brats.

There is no understanding of how to work with their needs to make things work for "everyone" eg movement breaks.
Teachers do not like people leaving their class.
I don't blame the teachers by the way it's not their fault fault because there is no demand for then to be urgently educated and trained in sen.

Infact we seem to have active union voices constantly posting on mn proudly refusing to "diagnose".
We don't need teachers to diagnose but we do need them to have the very basic understanding that a child with autism and adhd literally cannot help some of their behaviours and those behaviours that can be "managed" need to be done with carful stragety...

So in short I won't feel any part of our system can accommodate dc with any learning needs from nursery up to fe.

@Lynxcat I've personally witnessed a mental block in these teachers. They just don't get it.

I don't blame the teachers - its a stressful job even without SEN students. I do blame them though for not understanding and carrying out the needs of SEN students but maybe its because of school's rigid policies. Unfortunately, I can't even transfer my son to another local school as the one he is in is the only one with a special needs unit. It seems they have the facilities to accommodate him but lack the teaching he needs.