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Original poster

Nearly 4 year old doesn’t have friends at school

16 replies

clockstrikestwelve · 15/12/2022 21:04

My nearly 4 year old DD has been going to preschool since January.
She loves going, comes home happy and talks happily about the other children, naming some names.
I had a parents meeting with the teacher today, and asked her how DD is doing socially as she was very shy after lockdown.
Teacher said she is a lovely little girl and plays nicely with the other children, but ‘doesn’t have any particular friends yet’.
I asked if this was typical for her age and teacher responded ‘it’s typical for the children that started in September but most of the children that have been with us a bit longer have started making some special friendships’.

I now feel a bit sad and worried for DD. Part of me thinks it must not be a big issue as teacher wasn’t going to bring it up unless I asked. But then I also wonder why she isn’t making friendships like the others, and don’t want her to feel left out

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2022 21:06

that teacher is talking crap! Friendships have not formed in one term. My daughter rotated her friends daily last year- this year , yr1 there’s definitely a pattern forming of who she plays with.

Throughabushbackwards · 15/12/2022 21:06

Is she happy? That the main thing. DS2 doesn't have a best friend but he's mates with everyone and is always happy playing with whoever he ends up with. I wouldn't project your own worries on to her at this stage, she still very little.

PortiasBiscuit · 15/12/2022 21:07

You have got a long way ahead of you, you need to lighten up. She’s fine.

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belowfrozen · 15/12/2022 21:08

She's fine.

OlleOskiFelle · 15/12/2022 21:09

She's not even 4 yet!
So long as shes happy there's nothing to worry about.

OkPedro · 15/12/2022 21:10

I worked in early years care for 10 years mostly with 3-4 year olds. I rarely saw friendships as such, there were some children who gravitated to each other but mostly they all played with different children everyday or in small groups if we were doing painting, dancing and reading.
I wouldn't worry op sounds like your little girl is happy and has settled in well 💜

Madeintowerhamlets · 15/12/2022 21:10

I started worrying about similar OP but then realised I was projecting. They are only 4- it’s so little. They have many years ahead to form friendships (or fall out of them!)

ScarlettOHaraHamiltonKennedyButler · 15/12/2022 21:15

Proper friendships, as in ones that aren't parent led or as changeable as the wind, don't really start until about 7 in my experience. I wouldn't be worrying at 4 and there is far too much pressure for 'special' or 'best' friends. It drives me mad and I discourage it with my DC.

Madeintowerhamlets · 16/12/2022 16:58

ScarlettOHaraHamiltonKennedyButler · 15/12/2022 21:15

Proper friendships, as in ones that aren't parent led or as changeable as the wind, don't really start until about 7 in my experience. I wouldn't be worrying at 4 and there is far too much pressure for 'special' or 'best' friends. It drives me mad and I discourage it with my DC.

This is really helpful- thanks!

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 16/12/2022 17:04

At that age mine just played with whoever was there. One played, happily, by himself, until about yr3. He’s such a sociable teenager now!

7eleven · 16/12/2022 18:11

Children at this stage play alongside each other as much as together. Don’t worry. She’ll find her people!

BudgeUpAnne · 16/12/2022 18:12

My little one was very shy at pre school and did eventually have a few friends he gravitated towards, but it was all very fickle. None of them moved up to Y1 at the same time either so for him, they were ended up just being acquaintances!

Nevermindthesquirrels · 16/12/2022 18:16

This sounds like crap and a stupid comment to make. Most kids that age don't care who they're playing with and a lot just do their own thing and whoever joins in joins in.

GuessWho04 · 16/12/2022 18:39

Agree the teacher has not said the best thing. My shy DD was similar when that age, no particular friends, but could play with everyone. Kids that young do not form stable friendships yet. As long as she is happy that's what matters.

youagainomg · 16/12/2022 18:42

My DD6 doesn't have one particular friend she always plays with it's someone new everyday. Honestly don't worry about it.

Boggydog · 18/12/2022 10:27

I totally get why you are worried OP. Lots of children seem to have special friends even at this young age. My DD was also very affected by the lockdowns and very shy, hiding behind my legs in the shop etc. she also didn’t make any particular friends at nursery and didn’t really settle their to be honest. However since moving up to P1 she has made a special friendship with a girl who is new to the area and it has totally changed her social outlook. They now interact with lots of different people in the classroom and playground. Having a best friend is really important for her to feel more confident. I’m sure you DD will find someone and as long as she’s happy at nursery that’s the main thing x

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