Why do I do everything wrong?

[anxiousatnight]

I'll give you an example.

I had a car accident on Friday. No one's fault as such, just wrong time wrong place sort of thing. I contacted my insurers on Friday evening and went through all the process. All sorted. Still waiting for my car to be recovered, so called my insurers today. No history of a claim on my policy. I'd called one of those accident management companies instead. I'd googled the number and called the wrong company and not realised.

I've sorted it all out now, but I'm just always doing things like this. Why can't I just do something and do it right?

I'm a SAHM to a 5 and 3 year old. 5 year old is in school full time and 3 year old is in preschool three days a week, so it's not like I'm overwhelmed. I'm just a bit useless.

What's wrong with me? Anyone else like this?

Why didn't you call the numbers written on your policy documents? Sounds like convenience of googling made life inconvenient!

You're absolutely right. Maybe I'm lazy. I looked in the car document folder and found the policy info but I couldn't find the telephone number, so I googled it. Maybe I'm lazy then not useless.

Nothing wrong with you. We all make rash mistakes sometimes.

I often feel the same OP, if it's any consolation not to be alone. My most recent fuckup was locking us out on Sunday night - both locks, and I'd only left the Yale key with friends, so £95 totally wasted and an hour in the bitter cold. And when I think of the nice small things I go without to control spending, that £95 stings.

I keep vowing to be more organised, focused and sensible, but before I know it...it's happened again. Thank God it doesn't happen at work.

The only thing wrong with you is that you are hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Some people internalize that into ‘I’m crap’. Other people just shrug and move on in their life.

I just feel like I'm a liability and can't be trusted with anything.

Be kind to yourself.

I make mistakes like this all the time. On holiday recently and had booked all the hotels for a day out, so the first night we had no hotel. Luckily noticed before we went but still cost us a load of money for a last minute hotel room.

Theres loads more - booking restaurants in wrong cities, missing flights, accidentally scraping the car.

It really annoys me each time I do something I know is stupid.

I'm glad it's not just me. I don't really trust myself to do anything because there always to be something I cock up.

I'm dreading telling my husband about this. Not because he'll have a go at me, he's lovely, but just because I always feel like I'm causing him some sort of inconvenience.

Perhaps you don't take yourself seriously enough and so cut corners?

@AlisonDonut that's interesting. How would you describe someone who doesn't take themselves seriously enough?

I mean, I just think I'm doing the right thing. It doesn't cross my mind that I might be wrong until it 'comes out in the wash'.

Why do you have to tell him all the details?

Maybe it's time to start believing and trusting yourself a bit more and reminding yourself of the things you can do instead. PMA and all that 🤷

Do you double check yourself or assume you will be wrong anyway so it doesn't matter?

Lack of attention to detail I'd say and then beat yourself up when you get it wrong again.

It's interesting that not taking myself seriously enough has been mentioned, because I'm actually one of life's worriers. I've often been told to take life less seriously! But I think I know what you mean.

Sounds like you give yourself a hard time and expect to mess up? Rather than give yourself credit for the things you get right, which will outweigh the errors.

You can also work on coping strategies, things like how to cross check info, taking time before making a phone call to write down clear notes/info about what you need to say, etc etc.

@AlisonDonut yes, I double check myself all the time. In fact, I only had that accident because I nipped back home to check I'd turned the oven off (I had), so now of course I'm telling myself that I was stupid to go back and if I hadn't I probably wouldn't have had that accident, because the car I hit would have been further along the road and I probably wouldn't have met it.

I think you might be in to something and I've never looked at it like that before.

So maybe it's a confidence/positivity thing.

It's a minor mistake with zero consequence? Just human error and we're all human and could list minor mistakes we make daily.
You're completely normal!

I'm surprised you're nonchalant about a car accident but berating yourself for calling a wrong number.

It's possible you're a bit thrown or shaken up by your accident. Have you not been in touch with dh to tell him yet? You said it happened on Friday and you're dreading telling him?
When you have a lot of worries on your mind it can become more difficult to concentrate on tasks x

I know what you mean OP, in my case given options I always seem to do the wrong one.

I think in all honesty for me it's laziness, including laziness of thinking and paying attention.

For example checking a number and using the wrong one because I didn't take the extra few minutes to really check is something I'd do.

In a similar vein I find proof reading hard because I will read something really quickly and read what I expected to, which can make checking details hard!

I'm not stupid or incapable and have dyslexia but in all honesty my problem is laziness!

No sorry I meant telling him that I called the wrong number. He won't have a go at me, he'll just roll his eyes a bit because it's another thing I've done wrong. He's worried that because it has taken so long to recover the car, we'll now be further down the line due to more accidents in this cold weather and it will take longer to repair. Now I have to admit that basically the delay is because I cocked up.

I'm not nonchalant about the accident, I've gone over and over it in my mind but I do think it was just bad luck.

Also obviously goes without saying we all remember the times we fucked up and rarely remember the many many more times a day we did things fine!

My friend reversed out of his drive into his neighbours car.

He then spent 20 minutes on the phone to direct line trying to persuade them he was insured with them. Turns out he was insured with Churchill.

Everyone makes mistakes

Don't tell him that. Just tell him 'i spoke to them today and it will be x-day at the earliest'.

I make mistakes all the time. I mess up my child's medication more than people should, I accidentally put the wrong ingredients in things when I cook, I forget to call the vets and then havr to leave meetings when they ring me, I email the wrong people and I recently ordered groceries three times in one week because I kept forgetting food for myself.

I know if I only had myself to worry about I'd be a competent adult. It's not me, it's my life being too much to juggle.

Be kind to yourself. The early years of parenting are hard.

Oh right, I seem to have misinterpreted your original post. See, we all make mistakes [laugh]

So you called one of those No win, no fee car accident companies? They're always desperate to take on new cases, they must have quickly realised there were crossed wires? You can only proceed with a claim if you were not at fault.

Annoying they let you give all your details when they probably knew you wanted to go through your insurance.

I guarantee you were shaken up after your accident on Friday. I lost my purse in the street immediately after having a car accident. Shock scrambles your brain a bit.

Anyway, stop beating yourself up. You've sorted it now. Maybe don't tell dh the finer details..