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Original poster

Do you feel the same about all your kids? Do you like them all equally?

28 replies

ReeseWitherfork · 14/12/2022 10:19

Obvious caveat that I love all my kids the same.

My goodness one of my daughters is such hard work. The mood of the entire house seems to depend on what mood she is in. And she’s a baby! She’s not a teenager or even close!

Just wondered how this pans out as time goes on. Do people with older kids ever feel differently about one than they do the others?

OP posts:
tealandteal · 14/12/2022 10:26

I love them both the same but I feel differently about them if that makes sense. I worry far more about one. They feel different to be around even though one is a baby. I think that’s fair as they are different people.

SoundsOfThunder · 14/12/2022 10:30

In terms of loving them and wanting to spend time with them, yes, absolutely feel the same.
They have different personalities and different strengths and weaknesses so they can get parented differently but no difference otherwise.

PositiveLife · 14/12/2022 10:34

Mine are completely different and I love them both the same amount but they are treated differently and I enjoy different things about them. I worry far more about the younger one than the other too and she definitely doesn't have the same freedom that her older sister had at the same age - she's just not as mature in many ways. The older one is definitely easier but I have more in common with the younger one.

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CravingSun · 14/12/2022 10:36

The one I like the most is the one who’s the least difficult that particular day 😂

BackInTheDales · 14/12/2022 10:37

CravingSun · 14/12/2022 10:36

The one I like the most is the one who’s the least difficult that particular day 😂

I would go along with this. 😁

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 14/12/2022 10:41

DS used to be extremely placid whereas DD was a tantrum on legs.
I will admit to preferring DS's company during that time.
DD has now grown into an extremely intelligent, bolshy and amusing tween who I LOVE spending time with.
DS's extreme obedience turned out to connected to his autism. Rules were his way of making sense of the world. That comes with its own challenges and I'm not sure it will be great for him to be so black and white once he's out in the world as a young adult. I worry for him.
I always loved them the same but I'm now at the point where I like them the same as well.

Stickmansmum · 14/12/2022 10:41

My most difficult one who held the whole house to ransom is now 7, and still a total drama lama and energy vampire at times but my God she has some personality. She’s hilarious. Unexpected. Lively and quick witted. When she starts spiralling now she’s 7 we can stamp it out easier than when she was a baby/toddler so her self control is much better.

Love them all equally. But they do all bring very different things to the family.

Original poster
ReeseWitherfork · 14/12/2022 10:47

CravingSun · 14/12/2022 10:36

The one I like the most is the one who’s the least difficult that particular day 😂

This may be the issue 😅 of the three, it’s always one who is being the most difficult! By a mile. When my husband are dividing up parenting duties, she’s the short straw.

OP posts:
DorotheaHomeAlone · 14/12/2022 10:47

I have three and love them all exactly the same. Like them all, enjoy them all, get annoyed with them all the same. I think it’s really important not to get fixed on set ideas about who are children are or who they will become. They have their core personalities from the start but the more space you can give them to change and grow the happier they’ll be.

onmywayamarillo · 14/12/2022 10:57

I love them equally

But they are completely different people

The pfb is my favourite though 🤫

YouFilthyAnimal · 14/12/2022 11:02

I love them all the same obviously
But they are 4 different people with 4 wildly different personalities and traits so obviously some I find I have more in common with/rub along with easier etc
If you could measure it on a scale I probably do like them all the same amount, just in very different ways
There is always one who is much more difficult than the others but I find that particular one changes depending on which stage they’re in at that time (eyes up the pre-teen atm!)

santasbushybeard · 14/12/2022 11:05

I’ve got 3. All very different ages. 20, 8 and 2.

The 20 year old and 2 year old are basically the same person, in looks and attitude. My eldest almost finished me off as a small child with worry. But he’s turned out wonderfully. So it’s easier with my youngest, she’s a carbon copy of him and I am less stressed now I know how it works out. They have very strong personalities, (honestly not a euphemism for being a little sod 😂), but but absolutely charismatic.

My middle child is totally different. She’s one of those people that everyone loves. She has the charisma and confidence, but an easier character. Never caused me a second of worry.

So while one is easier, I love them all the same.

I worry about my eldest more than the others though, but we almost lost him at birth and sitting with him 24/7 in NICU for weeks willing him to pull though has never left me. I am far
more protective over him.

closingscore · 14/12/2022 11:05

I love both my adult dc completely but I would say I like different elements of their characters. One is far more relaxing to be around, very easy going and has never been hard work. The other is feisty and can be hard to please at times but is up for anything and great company as well!

inglese · 14/12/2022 11:08

CravingSun · 14/12/2022 10:36

The one I like the most is the one who’s the least difficult that particular day 😂

So glad someone else has been honest about this 🤣

KeeefBurtain · 14/12/2022 11:11

Love all 4 the same but have different relationships with them all.

romany4 · 14/12/2022 11:18

I love my 2 adult DC the same but I like my eldest the best.
He's got a wicked sense of humour and is just a lovely, lovely person.
My youngest is a drama Queen and has the tendency to be very petty and nasty if things don't always go his way. He's also an awful sulker..
Don't know where he gets it from because DH and I are nothing like that!
However, I should also say, that when he's on form, he's lovely. It's just not very often

Fuwari · 14/12/2022 11:20

I have an adult DS and DD. I like them equally. They have very different personalities, but aspects of my personality overlap both theirs. Like a Venn diagram! So I enjoy equally spending time with either. We may have the odd tiny bicker but get on really well generally. I have a neighbour with adult DC and they have full on screaming matches! That would never happen here. Which makes me feel very lucky.

everydaysabeginning · 14/12/2022 11:22

Differed day to day! I love them both the same but there has always been times when one or the other is easier. Mine are different sex and almost six yrs apart, same dad, who is a great dad but we are divorced.
Very different personalities. Both lovely, kind, did well at school, confident and never caused me any problems - are happy, confident and grounded, and they both had to live through the divorce of me and their father, although we've remained amicable and I stayed in the family home with them until they were older teens.
My son was definitely easier and more loving when he was young - toddler to early years. He adored me and I very much miss those days. My daughter was a daddy's girl, always was, always will. She was a nightmare before staring reception, but it calmed down once she'd started school. She's very strong willed but it has served her well in developing relationships and a decent career. I remember crying on the phone to my friend when she was just about to what school. My husband worked away a lot.
Atm my daughter is the easier to get along with but she's 23 and in Thailand on another extended holiday and my son is almost 18 and currently being a dick about school (all the teachers hate him apparently?!) and 'forgot' to go to his driving theory test!
I think you'll swing from one to another, 'loving' them the same but 'liking' them differently.
I will you and yours, well

Bumpsadaisie · 14/12/2022 11:31

Love them both the same and they are quite different people so love different things about them.

Over the 13 years I have had them I find there are general phases where I worry more about one than the other.

Eg she was a toddler and he was a placid relatively easy baby - worried more about her.

Then she was at school and was a very sweet hard working easy girl. He was a stroppy toddler who didn't like separating from me ... worried more about him.

She aces all her exams, whereas he does well but not brilliantly - worry if I could support him more.

He has loads of friends and plays out and joins in with many activities - she has three close friends and doesn't really like "clubs" at school - worry more about her ...

At present I worry more about hormonal teen DD than I do about 11 year old DS who broadly speaking remains straightforward and loving.

But I guess soon she will be an older teen and be quite civilised just as he is limbering up to the teen boy years - dread to think how stroppy he will be!

I hope there comes a time when I don't worry to much about either of them !

Herejustforthisone · 14/12/2022 11:32

onmywayamarillo · 14/12/2022 10:57

I love them equally

But they are completely different people

The pfb is my favourite though 🤫

Lovely. 😐

BeanyBops · 14/12/2022 11:47

I love them both but DD is nearly 3 and a glorious crazy mix of wonderful and sweet and hilarious and hard work, while DS is 9, quiet as they come, placid, requires minimal input. Unlike DD, DS has slept through from 6 months and is very independent yet very sweet and affectionate. I only have to take him out for a run around once a day and chuck some food out for him twice a day and the rest of the time he will sleep or play with his toys by himself. Did I mention that DS is a dog. He's a dog.

onmywayamarillo · 14/12/2022 13:14

@Herejustforthisone yes he is rather lovely 🤣

PeppermintChoc · 14/12/2022 13:15

CravingSun · 14/12/2022 10:36

The one I like the most is the one who’s the least difficult that particular day 😂

This! They are both easier in someways and harder in others so it depends what fits in with me best that day!

lljkk · 14/12/2022 14:42

My favourite is the last one who did something nice for me.
Can't quantify love so can't compare it.
Definitely some are easier than others.
All adults/nearly adults in my case.

3sthemagicnumber · 14/12/2022 14:54

I was talking to one of my (three) kids about this last night. She is having a hard time at the moment - anxious, hormonal, anger management issues, generally quite difficult to be around on a daily basis. She feels that her siblings are 'doing life' better than she is at the moment, and I think to an extent she is right at the moment.

I had a similar stage as a young teen and beat myself up with how much my sister was the 'better kid'. I was saying to my daughter last night that it is only recently that I have fully realised and been able to believe that my parents wouldn't have preferred my sister, because I know now that how my kids are behaving in the short-term doesn't impact how I feel about them. There is space and capacity to love and accept all of them, wherever they currently are in life.

I have a very easy relationship with one of them at the moment - similar humour, and I can read them well - but I think that will ebb and flow with time and it doesn't make any difference to how I feel.

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