Normal 4 year old behaviour or is it something more?

[Playfulplatypus]

My lovely DD turned four in July and started reception this year having been at a school preschool previously so in theory should be used to the structure by now.

i approached the school to see if I could get a senco referral as I think my DD has some sensory issues present. School have said because academically she’s very bright and soaring ahead, they can’t refer me and I need to go through GP. Her teacher did agree that some behaviours do seem out of the norm but this could just be because all kids are different and have different needs etc.

things I am concerned about:

she only has about 5 ‘safe foods’ which are: jam sandwiches, cheese toasties, edamame beans, broccoli and porridge. She will sometimes eat plain spaghetti (no other pasta) and occasionally eggy bread. She eats crisps and chocolate etc just fine so I’m probably being over cautious and she’s just really fussy? The fussiness is extreme though, she even gags at the sight of foods she’s never tasted or seen before. thank god for vitamins and smoothies, she’s a healthy weight and tall but I do worry about the future!

sleeping. Gosh, the child has never needed sleep! As a baby was terrible, dropped to one nap at 1 year and then dropped that at 18months completely. Doesn’t matter if she has a full blown day in the park running crazy, she finds it very difficult to go to sleep before 10/11. Still wakes frequently throughout the night and sometimes will be up playing at 3am in her room.. could be that she just doesn’t need as much sleep as other kids? Her friends completely crash out after school, I will take her to the park for a runaround followed by dinner and bath and still will not sleep until very late and that’s usually with me sitting making sure she keeps her eyes closed 😅

she finds loud noises and busy environments really overwhelming. Will freeze and cover her ears while doing a panicked shuffle with her legs until I pick her up.

extremely anxious (which I don’t think helps the sleeping!!) such as every day making sure I am picking her up and that I will be there 10 minutes early. If she doesn’t see me standing outside the door at home time she has a meltdown and is inconsolable. I’ve never left her anywhere so not sure where this fear has come from. She also sometimes wakes me up in the early hours to ask if I have made her packed lunch. She just seems like such a worrier and it’s unfounded! Never forgotten to make her lunch, or left her anywhere, lost her in a supermarket etc. no idea where the fear stems from!

theres other stuff but feel like this is getting really long! Just not sure whether I should pursue the GP or leave it as is? I just worry because my nephew has autism and adhd, sister didn’t push for support and now he is terribly bullied and has to stay in one classroom during break times to stop him being picked on. He’s being assessed for a specialist school at the moment but already at age 12 has suicidal thoughts due to the bullying.

I have a similar DS who is much older (10). He does sleep though. I have wondered about SEN but not been to GP and it's never been raised by school.

We have just referred him for counselling and I think that's what he needs for now. We want to learn coping mechanisms for the anxiety so he can understand it and talk himself down. He worries about a lot. Homeless, Ukraine, credit crunch, going to secondary etc.

I so think GP is a really good idea. They can advise if you need an assessment or if there's a local provision like we have. They described it as a step below CAHMS. There is a wait but they have been really helpful and suggested lots of things while we wait for a counsellor.

E.g worry time - set aside 10 mins where you / DD / whole family talk about your worries. Just anything that's bothering you or on your mind that day.

Loop earplugs for noisy environments.

A comfort box of things that help bring the senses back. It's basically mindfulness so you would have things in there to look at, feel, taste, listen to etc.

A worry bear - any old stuffed toy with a pocket where she can post her worries. I guess at her age she could draw a picture rather than write them.

You have my absolute sympathy. It is so, so hard to watch them struggle with the world and be at a loss in how you can help. Hope you get some help with the GP.

Sounds like my child who has been diagnosed as having autism. The school saying they won’t refer as your child is academically bright seems most odd. My child is able to do work a few years ahead of his year but that seemed to even be an indicator of additional needs rather than a reason for it not being so. Try your GP but the school should be helping. Good luck.

Yes I would agree that her academic strengths probably boost the case for an assessment for an autism assessment.

Oh bless her. I have no advice but I do have a Worry Monster (you out the worry in it's mouth and it zips up). I'd be happy to send it to you if you think it would help?

Your school are wrong. They can still refer for the issues you have raised even if there are no learning difficulties. The GP will ask the school anyway.