How do I resist the urge to text him?

[Lostandlonely1847]

I met this guy on a dating app a few weeks ago. He was super keen to begin with, said he wanted to date me. We met up, had sex, and since then he has just tried to sext me and made excuses every time I have suggested hanging out, even just on a casual basis.

This is NOT what I want, but why do I want to text him every night even though I know all he wants to do sext! How can I stop feeling sorry for myself and wanting his attention?

I have now finally deleted his number and our chat but I know that I can get his number back by resorting my contacts on iCloud (sad I know, yes). Today will be the first day we haven’t messaged in a few weeks.

Also, I am really intrigued as to why he just wants to sext (and really get into it), but doesn’t actually want to meet up? Every time I have asked him, he’s made an excuse or said “we could do” then has completely flaked!

Urgh!! Any good self help books that I should read?

Change his name to 'do not text' on your phone.

Any books you read should be on self esteem and attachment. Why do you want to give your energy to someone who doesn't care about you?

Many moons ago I encountered a man like this. He looked like Kevin Costner in his heyday. Went on a couple of dates, naturally convinced myself I was going to marry him (lol). Then he gradually weaned me off the face to face meet ups and everything moved to online contact, video calling, WhatsApp's. Always sexual in its nature. He always used to tell me about how turned on he got by cybersex, all he wanted to talk about, all he wanted to do. I went with it for a while because he was obviously my future husband and he looked like Kevin Costner. Never saw him again and quickly got extremely frustrated investing time and energy into something that was clearly not going to develop into anything beyond being virtual fuck buddies. Your guy sounds similar.
Looking back it was absolutely boring and he was also a bit weird. Take my advice - avoid 😂

Bump

It’s because you’ve got used to having contact with him - it will take a few weeks but you can (and must) resist the temptation.

He sounds odd, and always remember you are a catch - don’t put up with weirdness!!

Bump

He doesn’t want to meet up because he’s married and the time you did meet up his wife was out of town. Does that change how you feel??

On the off chance that you somehow know that he’s not try these:

Make a list of things you need to do around the house etc and get cracking and do them.

Text other people - friends, family, people who love you and have your best interests at heart.

Do some exercise - lots of options on YouTube.

Write a list of what you want in a relationship - does this guy actually meet any of the criteria?????

Block him and delete his number.

You need to work on your boundaries and self worth. He sounds like a player and you need to be disgusted by him. Ask yourself why would you want to be around someone who has no respect for you? Plenty of men like this around. Put him on the twat list and move on. Find something who values you!

Someone

Why are you bumping when you're getting some really good advice?

What answer are you looking for? It’s obvious what you should do. Messaging becomes an addiction, particularly with breadcrumbing bastards. Cold turkey is the the only solution. He isn’t meeting up as he’s married/partnered or just wants someone to use.

Thanks all for your advice.

He is definitely not married. I know that for certain.

So I just don’t understand why he wants to sext me all the time but never wants to meet up!

He wants masturbation fodder that is all. He has had you already and maybe did not actually enjoy the experience or just does not want to see you and converse with you again but needs stimulation to have a wank. Just block him. He is not worth it.

Yeah it's actually really rude op

I didn’t mean it to be rude. I just wanted lots of advice as I am in a real mess!

Bumping or not, everyone is going to tell you the same because it's obvious. There is no detailed analysis of the inner workings of his brain to be had here - he enjoys sexting and for whatever reason is too lazy / not interested / not invested / not looking for anything else.
You are encouraging this and giving him
what he wants by participating so he has no reason to think you're not enjoying it. It's also easy to brush off your ideas of a meet up because you're available on the end of the phone every night to satisfy his needs with your texts.
If you're happy with this then carry on, but understand that it will go no where because he's not making any effort. Men will make the effort if they want to. If you're not enjoying it then stop - find some strength, don't engage and channel your energy into meeting someone who actually wants to date.