Boss ignored me since I handed in my notice - weird or not?

[asblackasyoursoul]

I handed in my notice in a month or so ago - just finished up recently. I was a staff nurse on a ward. Just to preface, none of this really matters/isn't a serious issue but it is bothering me a bit and I suppose I'm just looking for a bit of reassurance or something?
I had worked there for 14 months. On handing in my notice my charge nurse appeared noticeably miffed, just looked at the floor and said "congratulations" in a monotone voice. I had been the 3rd member of staff to hand in my notice in that couple weeks with us already being crucially understaffed, so I can understand that I suppose.
However in the following weeks until I left, my manager/charge nurse literally did not speak to me unless they had to concerning a patient, devoid of any usual banter/chat. On my last day, I didn't get a card or even a private word of any thanks/good luck/you'll be missed. I didn't want a card or any gifts etc but would've really appreciated some kind words.
I found it really hurtful as I had found my manager very nice and supportive throughout working there but it seemed as soon as I handed in my notice their tune changed and they no longer 'liked' me. That's what I found most offputting, the sudden change in personality just because I was leaving!

Again, none of it really matters now but it's really bothering me to be honest. Were they just a dick or have I done something wrong? I get that handing in my notice to a critically understaffed ward isn't great, but that is part and parcel of why I handed in my notice, to be honest. There's so many shifts I never took any breaks just to keep working when we had no staff on the ward on a 12 hour shift, putting up with physical and verbal abuse etc, bad working conditions and I really just would have appreciated a little bit of thanks and good luck.

Fully prepared to be told I'm being very precious!!

I don't think this is uncommon OP, in the same way that in any walk or area of life there will be other adults who aren't capable of dealing with their own disappointments or who centre everything around themselves and perceive a slight in so doing.

One of DP's colleagues recently left and went through the same, we were both very disappointed by it all (never nice to see your bosses or colleagues in a different light or know the type of people you really work for). This person gave proper notice and then was pretty much ignored for the duration of their notice period - including no leaving gift or card from peers (DP sent his own) and a team building day - essentially a jolly - was arranged in that period and this person not invited, along with lots of hilarious PA jokes on the day about how they must have forgotten to invite them and comments that they were not part of the team as they had abandoned it. Anyone would think the workplace was a cult, and it not a very normal thing to swap jobs in life as part of our personal and professional development, or to suit needs at the time.

It's all just embarrassing isn't it and entirely representative of other peoples failings and immaturity. Nothing to do with you whatsoever and I would be feeling fortunate to have left.

Not the same of course but thank you for doing the job you do, and for working very bloody hard in what must be very difficult conditions, because you care. I know there will be an awful lot of people grateful to you and who wish you the very best of luck with your new job - congratulations!

@dontgobaconmyheart Thank you for your response, I can understand that my boss was likely quite stressed at losing a 3rd member of staff in a number of weeks, so I understood the initial reaction. What I didn't expect was what followed in that I was effectively ignored right up until I left and not even being acknowledged on my last day, not a kind word of thank you and goodbye. I just honestly think it is so rude and disrespectful after all the hard work I had put in (not unlike all the other staff on the ward but even so!) not taking breaks, putting up with very shitty working conditions etc, and to not even get a goodbye and take care was very hurtful.
I fully realise I am venting right now, others in my own life have told me he was behaving like a dick but I suppose I just wanted some unbiased views!

That sounds awful for your DPs colleague, they sound like awful people (apart from your DH!). Yes, in the ward I was in it was very cliquey and lots of people voicing their unhappiness with the working conditions but not taking any steps to change that/change jobs.
And at this point yes, I have had a few messages from people who didn't know I was leaving just to say I'd be missed etc but most people haven't bothered so makes me realise I'm better off out of there. Thank you for thanking me, it is appreciated!

I once had this after resigning from a job. I worked in a room on my own but like adjacent to other rooms with small teams. You had to pass through my room to go to the toilet. Knowing I was on my own (it was because there was only need for one member of staff in my specialism rather than nobody wanting to work with me) usually people would pop in, have a chat etc. But when I handed my notice it just stopped. Some people still talked to me, but the manager and deputy and their little gang just utterly ignored me, wouldn’t even speak to me if I was in the same room like at a staff meeting or something. Then a few days before I left they removed me from the group WhatsApp chat. My last day none of them acknowledged it or spoke to me.

The way I see it, when someone behaves in an odd way like this it’s their problem and not yours. It’s hard but I’d just shrug your shoulders and think ‘whatever.’ It’s clearly bothering her more than it’s bothering you. And I’d say there’s a good chance she’s venting her stress about being so short staffed in you, which is unfair but again not your problem.

@Kanaloa That's awful that happened to you too. Why do some people feel the need to react like that? I doubt I'll ever be a manager but if I was I'd certainly never treat someone like that. It's a small world and people talk, why give such a bad impression of yourself like that? (in effectively ostracising and behaving badly to someone just for leaving a job?)

Interestingly, I spoke to someone who had left the ward previously who had had practically the same reaction from my boss. Very nice while working on the ward, but as soon as the notice was handed in it was changed days.

I suppose it doesn't help that I'm fairly young and my self esteem has never been great so I do take things like this quite personally too!

That's really awful op. When members of my team leave we usually decorate their work area, bring in cake, and go for drinks. We buy nice gifts and we keep in touch. Their behaviour is immature and mean. You're part of the team until you leave and beyond. They seem to forget that it's a small world professionally and people won't want to apply to work with a team with such a bitchy reputation

@JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth Yeah, I had told the team leaders that I didn't want any fuss so I didn't want them telling people I was leaving/getting me gifts/cards etc, I just wanted to leave quietly which is what I did. And people have messaged me since to say sorry to hear you've left, lets keep in touch etc which is lovely.
However I suppose this is more about my boss/charge nurse who knew I was leaving 4 weeks previously and effectively ignored me from me handing in my notice, that's what I found hardest. I don't know why I'm so bothered about it, I suppose because I'm quite young and this was my first 'proper' job, etc for reasons I mentioned above and he just blanked me and didn't give me a kind word from me handing in my notice, not even a thank you for everything and good luck. That was really all I wanted, I didn't want a big fuss and presents etc, just thanks and we'll miss you would have been great!

He was there on my last day and didn't even speak to me despite knowing it was my last day, which I find really quite nasty and has kind of opened my eyes a bit as I always thought he was very kind and supportive. I think the reason it's getting to me so much is I almost feel like it's something I've done wrong or it's some kind of reflection on me not being good enough etc, even though I know that's completely irrational. It's just quite hurtful but I know I just need to move on and get over it.

Not the same situation, but one of the managers in my office is leaving for a level transfer. Used to be my horrendous line manager who’s been complained about several times.

I don’t intend on saying: fake congratulations; nor telling her she did a great job; nor that she will be missed, as I would be insincere and feel work will be better without her presence. I will only approach her if I need to about work. I won’t get her a card or gift or attend any leaving do.

So that’s my personal reason why I haven’t bothered with someone that’s leaving. We aren’t close. I do appreciate that your situation is different, especially as she’s your manager. I would chalk it down to:

1. you weren’t as close as you think
2. she is stressed about being understaffed
3. you’re moving on and won’t have to deal with weird colleagues for much longer

@GLADragss Hi, thanks for your response. I understand why you didn't bother with your old line manager, she sounds horrific!
Going by what my old colleague told me, it seems that this is how he does react to someone leaving as he reacted the same way to her leaving. I just find it all very fake - being very good and supportive whilst I was working there but as soon as I said I was leaving, change of attitude. Not good and not very empathetic or understanding. I agree with your points!

I see - from what the last colleague says it seems like this is just your boss’s way. I would take that as a positive though - it’s clearly not personal or about you if she does it to literally everyone.

Not untypical. I think that some people switch off from making an iota of extra effort beyond the necessary once someone hands in their notice.

Seen it happen even with well liked staff.

It's a useful reminder that however nice working relationships are, at the end of the day, they're situational.

There was a great and very long thread on here about life lessons learned. One stuck in my head and made me evaluate my work relationships - colleagues wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire. Of course, it doesn’t apply to all colleagues, but I think there’s some truth. Don’t overthink it. You won’t have anything to do with him after you’ve gone.