Intrusive thoughts about babies development

[dancingqueen345]

Im not really sure how to word this, but I have a gorgeous almost 4 week old and I keep having these intrusive thoughts that there’s something wrong with him developmentally.

The sensible/non-anxious side of me knows with about 80% certainty that he is fine and I’m being ridiculous, but at the same time I am googling nearly every behaviour he displays, alongside things like signs of autism in babies, and making things fit.

Pre-baby I’m not someone who has ever struggled with health anxiety at all, and generally I’m fairly level headed, but this really has me in a bit of a chokehold.

Is this a normal parental worry?! Or should I be speaking to a doctor about my concerns??

Oh OP. I hear you. I was (and to some extent still am) there.

i say this gently, but please seek some support. Yea it is normal to think about you child’s development and perhaps worry. No it is not ‘normal’ (I hate the word but hopefully you know what I mean) to be thinking and googling it this much. Anxiety and obsessive / Intrusive thoughts can often happen to women post birth (presumably it’s some kind of hormone / survival instinct). But there is help available and it is utterly miserable to be obsessed with your child’s development - it means you dont actually have time or space to enjoy them.

Also at four weeks babies don’t really do…anything?! So there really is absolutely no way you would be able to identify signs of autism etc. you could speak to your HVer - altho mixed views on how useful they are. But your Gp will be able to help as well. Don’t suffer in silence

💐

No real advice except to offer a handhold and say that I've been there (and still am to some extent).

I agree with the PP about trying to seek a little help. I developed severe intrusive thoughts/worries during my pregnancy despite never having it before and I received some CBT therapy which really helped me manage it. I won't say that I don't still obsess and worry about my DD now (I think we all will), but I've got some strategies now to stop me falling down that scary spiral of anxiety.

Sending love and congratulations on your bundle of joy.

@JuliaJekyll thanks so much for such a kind response.

You're totally right about not 'enjoying' my baby because of the worries.

I will speak to my doctor about it and see what help is available x

@miniworry thank you 💙 Sorry that you have also been through this but so pleased you've found something that has helped!! I will definitely seek some advice, I feel reassured that at least this is something doctors will have come across in other parents.

I think you should seek support if you feel that your thoughts are preventing you from enjoying your baby. I do think some anxiety around development is normal though. I became completely convinced for a few weeks that my baby had some rare neurological disorder that meant she was having seizures (she wasn't, she just jerked when she was falling asleep!). It passed eventually. I did voice my concerns to my husband though and he was able to rationalise it for me which helped. I think it's often part of parenting, my baby is now nearly a teenager and I still always question whether a cough is just a cough! Your confidence will grow and hopefully these thoughts will pass but you should reach out for support.

to an extent i think intrusive thoughts are normal postpartum. mine were awful but different to yours, as in i was convinced someone was going to throw acid at her when i walked her in the pram for some reason. or that a lorry would hit her if she went on a walk with dad in the pram etc etc. really hard to control, i did ask for a referral due to it but by the time i got an appointment (when baby was about 12 weeks) the intrusive thoughts had disappeared completely.

i know it’s different but i think it’s a hormonal thing and whilst i would contact your health visitor with your worries i would also expect it to start getting better as your hormones settle x

It’s such a bloody tough stage. I would have a chat with the GP asap as you do sound low.

Worrying about your baby’s development is normal, but your worries do sound beyond normal. It will settle I expect but it’s good to line up help and talk to people.

Babies don't do much at 4 weeks, it's true. They don't smile or look you in the eyes, for example. When they do, it's easier to be reassured.

Being worried about your baby is normal, especially if it's your first.

This idea about enjoying your baby is a bit ambitious at 4 weeks. Some do I'm sure but feeling overwhelmed and exhausted is probably more common.