Should my MIL get me a Christmas present ?

[twinklestarin]

For the past 4 years I have bought my MIL a Christmas present but shes never bought me one . She buys one for her son. But she doesn't address the gift to both of us, she only addresses it to him and gives it to him. Anyways just wanted to know if its rude that shes never gotten me anything in return or should i not be expecting anything. Not that I do want anything in return but I just dont see the point in putting in effort to get someone a gift when there is no effort reciprocated.
Anyways , what does everyone else think?

I wouldnt bother

I wouldn't. She can buy for her DS and he for her. Stay out of the whole thing. Of course, murphy's law this will be the year she decides to give you one.

Leave it to DH /DP to choose, buy, wrap and label it from him. One less job and less headspace for you.

I think everyone should buy gifts for whoever they want. And if they don't want to then don't.

This means you might give to someone not not get anything in return
Or you might receive from someone you don't give to.

That's fine in my book. As long as you can afford it.

Just let your DH give One from you both. Why would you give separate presents?

I'd stop - let him buy his own mum a present.

Does DH but her a gift separtely?

*separately

Why would she address a gift to her son to both of you? Stop buying her gifts if you feel badly that they’re not reciprocated. Or carry on if you like buying her stuff. 🤷‍♀️

He usually gives her money which is what hes always done before i came into the picture

Don't buy fir her but give your dh time to sort out buying her something

He gives her money and she buys him a gift with it? What’s the point?

if he wants to keep giving her money, he puts it in a card signed from you both - problem solved

@stuntbubbles I dont get this either especially when its a gift that i can use as well like candles, mugs or chocolate box etc. They still only get addressed to him

Yes, I think MIL is very odd for this. Even if she’s not your biggest fan, you are the one that makes her precious son happy, so surely she should love you on that basis alone and get you a small token at christmas. The fact you have gotten have gifts for 4 years running shows you are mature and thoughtful and she is a bit of an odd bod.

Because she’s buying him a gift? Presents are usually for a person, not for a group. Nothing stopping you lighting the candle or eating the chocolate, presumably.

It sounds like she’s not bothered about having a relationship with you and you’re bothered by this? So just stop buying her presents.

I would stop buying for her, fine to just not have a gift giving relationship but it's awkward that she doesn't reciprocate.

You don't give to receive, but tbh I do think it's rude. So if you don't want to buy for her, then don't

It's very rude of her not to at least address the gift to both of you. Definitely don't get her any separate presents in future, just get your partner to put your name on the tag as well as his.

@stuntbubbles Fair enough. I only mentioned this because i thought maybe she cant afford to buy me something personally, But on the other hand if she cared she would probably address the gift to us both . That was just my thought process

My MIL buys me a gift but If she hasn’t bought you I wouldn’t bother going to any effort. Your DH gift to her is from you both and leave it at that .

Depends how you'd feel about not even giving her something token-y in tje £3.99 bracket.
Yes I'd be tempted not to bother this year but it would be going down to her level.

Giving something is a way of keeping the door open for her to step up.

Chances are she's not a bad person just unable to think in a different way due to her personality and life experiences.

You've been really kind to her op.

It amazes me sometimes the lengths people go to on these threads to prove black is white.

Yes OP, it's weird that when she provides a token gift for your DH, she doesn't add your name to it. Wouldn't cost her anything and is a mark of respect and acknowledgment that you are part of the family. Even better she would buy you a box of chocolates or some bubble bath or something.

Normal people buy something for someone who has got them something, particularly if they are close on the family structure as a DIL is.

This, and I've literally had this very conversation with DH today, ie: That no I won't be buying his Sister a present in addition to the one he's bought her. Just the same as he doesn't buy my parents something separate to what I've bought them 'from us'

Staying on topic though, yes OP it's rude of her to at least not include you on the tag for your DH's gift. Really rude.

She doesn’t sound ike she wants to do this with you so I’d drop the habit. Obviously if she bought you a shared present that would be different but I’d take the hint and desist.